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Aspergers and sex

(7 Posts)
Chucklecheeks Sun 23-Feb-14 11:31:17

Not sure if this is the best place to post so if not could you point me in the right direction...

History is that me and DH have virtually no sex life and that's down to how I see myself. I'm over weight and the aspie in me can't understand why he would want to have sex with me.

I love sex and want to get past it. Any advice.

onlydead Sun 23-Feb-14 11:58:05

I have AS as well so I can understand the difficulties with rigid thinking. CBT is supposed to be helpful for people with AS and most NHS areas offer it. Worth asking your GP for a referral, though it may take some time.

I know with AS that the issue is more about your thinking, but have you attempted to lose weight? Do you think that would help you feel better about the way you look? With some people it is all in the mind, but I know I feel much better about myself when I'm fitter. The GP might also be able to help with this - I got some free gym time through my GP.

Chucklecheeks Sun 23-Feb-14 16:28:40

I could loose weight, I am attempting to start the couch to 5k tomorrow so I know that will make me feel better. But that's not the cause if you see what I mean. I struggle to accept how he could like me being so imperfect when there is better out there. I'm never going to be perfect so I need to figure it out.

Puttheshelvesup Sun 23-Feb-14 16:38:51

I have AS and have issues with sex too.

Could counselling be an option? I'm guessing as an aspie you have a very rigid (and negative, nothing to do with AS though) perception of yourself, and you struggle to see that others see you differently. I know it will always be difficult to keep in mind that others do not perceive the world/other people the way you do, so the most logical thing would be to nurture a more positive self-image through counselling.

I have to tell myself regularly that just because something's not perfect doesn't make it wrong. Perhaps we could apply it to ourselves?

Chucklecheeks Sun 23-Feb-14 17:50:43

Thanks puttheshelvesup, I can apply it to other people easily. I just can't seem to apply it to myself. It's bad as I know I will never ever be perfect just as DH isn't but I still can't see how anyone could like me as I am. I think you and onlydead are right and I need some professional help.

I was only diagnosed a year ago but it put so many things in to perspective and I feel more comfortable that the things I do and don't do are not because I'm weird it's because of AS. I struggle with friends and socialising and always thought I was the odd one out, now I know it's how I am and I accept that. Just can't seem to apply it to sex.

It's nice to know I'm not alone though:-) not to wish it to anyone. I am very lucky that DH has stuck with me.

LauraBridges Sun 23-Feb-14 18:29:15

If you are pretty logical and follow rules just pick a way of eating which will lose the weight and it will all work fine. It tends to be food not exercise which most likely achieves weight goals.

Puttheshelvesup Sun 23-Feb-14 19:27:43

chuckle, could any of the difficulty with sex be due to sensory sensitivity? I have difficulty with self image after dc, as you do, but I also realised that sex was emotionally overwhelming at times, especially if I was already feeling low due to bad self image. I can't make eye contact during sex, it's just too much to deal with along with the physical sensations and emotional intimacy.

Sorry if this is way off the mark, but I thought I would mention it in case it turned out to be helpful.

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