Help- am I just a complete cow?

[cakesandchocolate]

Dh constantly ill, or so it feels.
Generally falls foul of a bug each holiday we have.
Currently having tests for stomach pains, so far everything coming up normal.
He gets depressive traits when unwell- gets very down that feels awful, catastrophic type thoughts.
Anyway the current prob has been going on a few months. He's really tired, doesn't know why, and is really down about it.
I am feeling like queen bitch as I have run out of sympathy. When he feels lousy he's miserable and short tempered esp with the kids.
I feel I should be being more kind.
But I don't really like being with him
Things are easier when he's away
??

[Melonbreath]

Could he be depressed and the only symptom he's noticing is the tiredness?

[cakesandchocolate]

I think you might be right.
He's been offered anti d's before by his gp which he hasn't gone for, he's looked at self help type approaches,
whicj have helped to a degree.
But there seems to have been a recent relapse as his physical health has been a problem.
It's hard to see what's mind and what's body!

[MummyBeerest]

Living with a depressed spouse is trying for the most patient person. Just ask my DH.

What works for us is us both making a point to talk about how we're feeling. Usually at the end of the day. It can get long and complex, but worth it in the end.

Don't beat yourself up. We're all entitled to our feelings, whether we like them or not.

[cakesandchocolate]

Thanks
I just feel quite cross a lot of the time- that he's not 'enjoying' the kids, that he's not engaging in what's going on, that he's so self absorbed.
At the same time I feel like I should be more supportive..

[tallwivglasses]

Fuck the self-help, get him back to the doctor. And remind him that if you fall apart, so does the whole family. He needs to take responsibility.

[tallwivglasses]

...and yoy need support too

[tallwivglasses]

oops, you

[Handywoman]

No you are not being a complete cow! You have been very patient but it's has affected family life for a while now and it's not getting better. As said up thread you are entitled to your own feelings, even negative ones

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Ultimatum time. I've been your DH and without SSSRIs and CBT I would be in a box by now, or at best living in a shitty bedsit.

There's no shame in depression: I realise now that you treat it the same way as an infection or broken leg. Fix it what you can, manage what you can't, stay away from triggers. In my case, drink and toxic colleagues.

HTH.