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is this financial abuse?

(9 Posts)
JRmumma Sat 22-Feb-14 21:22:30

I'm posting as i am concerned about someone but i can't decide if this is serious. Obviously i don't have all of the information as its not my personal situation so the following is only what ive been told by the person who is going through this....

Wife is SAHM and housewife since birth of second child, joint decision as they would have been 'no better off' each month after childcare expenses. Wife plans to go back to work when youngest is at school.

Husband is therefore the breadwinner and controls all of the money except child benefit and small amount of tax credits which go into wifes bank account. Husband makes lots of expensive purchases without discussion as he sees no reason why wife should have a say as its 'his money'. Wife is quite frugal and sensible with money, but spends what is necessary and always ensures kids have what they need.

Apparently husband threatens to not give wife any money to go out (i.e. Socialise) when they have arguments. Not as in a set amount per month but a few quid here and there if she needs it. Husband does as he pleases with no discussion about cost etc when he wants to go out or buy things.

Wife gets set amount of money each week for groceries from husband and even though its not enough she gets no more and is made to feel bad that its not enough and often secretly gets loans/handouts from family to get by.

Husband buys tablet computer for pre-school age child (he wants it really) but wife is shouted at for wasting money if she burns the dinner.

Apologies this is slightly rambled but as i say, i only have snippets of info to go on.

Lweji Sat 22-Feb-14 21:28:37

Wife tells him she wants a divorce, use of family home, spousal maintenance and child maintenance, plus part of pension.
Or family money truly becomes family money and he stops telling her off about expenditure.

Lweji Sat 22-Feb-14 21:29:58

You may not want to get involved, but if you point her out in the direction of this board she'll get good support.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Sat 22-Feb-14 21:31:43

Yes this is financial abuse.
Anything other than equality is abuse. She works full time for her family, just as he does- there all money should be shared. If she chose to go to work, would she be paying for 100% of the childcare from her salary?
I cannot understand for a second why people stay in situations like this (although I do realise that once this is established, it must be so difficult to leave).
He is controlling her. She is being abused.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sat 22-Feb-14 21:33:45

It certainly sounds like financial abuse from what you've posted

caramelwaffle Sat 22-Feb-14 21:35:37

Yes, it is.

JRmumma Sat 22-Feb-14 21:40:39

Lweji thanks I'm not going to get involved in any way other than to support her if and when she decides to do anything about it. I realise that the worst thing i could do is bad mouth her dh to her or point these things out as wrong. But thankfully she seems to be getting there on her own.

chateauferret Sat 22-Feb-14 22:41:52

He's a controlling abusive twat and she needs to kick his arse out.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Feb-14 06:32:30

Financial abuse. Controlling bully. Nasty git. What's in a name? I'd be encouraging her to get that job now rather than waiting for children to start school. Every day she sticks around being treated badly and dependent on this man for cash, the worse her confidence will get. Having her own income (even if there are child-care costs which do not solely come out of the woman's wages...) will give her some independence and, in her case, that's vital.

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