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How do you know if you still love your OH?

(12 Posts)
bouncyboobs Sat 22-Feb-14 11:32:27

I know there are answers to this all over the Internet, but I am hoping to get some input from more real people, as it were.

So, once the initial rush of being together has worn off, and you've happily settled into living together comfortably... How do you know you still love your OH? And that it's not just habit?

morethanpotatoprints Sat 22-Feb-14 11:37:16

For me its the thought of living without him.
I couldn't stand it tbh and if I think about it my stomach churns and I could throw up.
The smile or knowing look, enjoying sharing things together, knowing you both still make the effort.
Still being weakened at the knees sometimes when he walks through the door, even after 25 years.

galaxy81 Sat 22-Feb-14 12:47:58

Interested to hear the answers to this one, because I often ask myself the same question. I've only been with my OH 2.5 years, I love him but I wouldn't say I go weak at the knees for him. If I think about him I smile, and I love when he walks in the door or I come in and he's there...he tends to make everything I don't know, warmer or just nicer. I've had 'bad boy' exes in the past when I was younger, and it was with them that I felt the most 'weak at the knees'...loads of desire, tension, butterflies in the stomach, great sex...but that turned into jealously, aggression, nagging, being their mother, and they treated me like crap. So what I mean is that even though all the classic feelings of being in love were there, the relationship was disastrous!! My OH is a brilliant, strong, funny, clever man who I can see myself being with forever but if I'm honest I've never felt the intensity of emotion I felt with my terrible ex-boyfriends. I think I'm programmed to feel that way only about guys who treat me badly. I'm rambling a bit, but to answer your question, I'm afraid I don't know...I often worry that I'm not in love with my OH because I'm happy to do my own thing, for example I travel by myself and I do miss him but it doesn't bother me like it does some people. I don't feel any sort of desperate desire to rip his clothes off every time I see him...its very much more subdued than that, but we have a good sex life. Its just a warm feeling I guess, and looking forward to seeing his big, scruffy, smiling face when I walk in the door.

TheOneAndOnlyAlpha Sat 22-Feb-14 12:52:48

How do I know? I just do! Same as more really. I can't think of life without him. He makes me laugh, and I can't wait until I see him next - even if he's just gone to work. I am a better person because of him and I never, ever take him for granted as the thought of jeopardising what we have is terrifying. And he feels the same towards me!!

He's raking the lawn while I sit in the car with ds napping. Might have to give him a hug now grin

drivingmisslazy Sat 22-Feb-14 13:13:15

Like theoneandonlyalpha U just know I do. For me its the little things like I get excited if he texts to say he is leaving work and its earlier than I thought he would be home. The majority of the time we go to bed at the same time, he makes me laugh and we have good banter and bounce off each other. He listens if I have a problem and gives me good advice. He is my world.

maras2 Sat 22-Feb-14 15:08:27

I've just watched my Dh of 40 years on an educational video made for our local RSA Academy. He was just talking about the history behind one of our City's very old building. My heart skipped a beat , I felt light headed and had butterflies in my tummy , just like I did 40 years ago. Can't wait for him to come home to get some lurving in before the England / Ireland match . Who says romance is dead ? smile

mirtzapine Sat 22-Feb-14 15:41:27

Errrrm!!! it could have just possibly happened to me about five mins ago.

DW rings me up after coming out of the cinema with DDs'

She say, films finished, I go "Oh ok see you soon..."
she says, "Oh don't you want to chat", Me "ummm! errr! no."
her " Oh!, me "ok see you all soon".

I realised I've got nothing to talk about any more and nothing I want to hear. I feel a bit flat and empty when I hear her voice... I know it sounds callous, but it felt like I'm talking to a vague acquaintance.

mirtzapine Sat 22-Feb-14 15:42:18

Meaning I think I've fallen out of love

Amicus1966 Sat 22-Feb-14 15:46:51

Blimey mirt!
Have you really just come to that conclusion?

morethanpotatoprints Sat 22-Feb-14 15:57:07


Oh no. Could it be us blirting about lovey dovey stuff though?
After I posted I was half expecting somebody to post pass the bucket.
Not everyone is so flowery or demonstrative.
I hope you are ok.

hellooctober01 Sat 22-Feb-14 19:03:01

We've been together 3 years now and I look forward to more time with DP and can't stand the thought of being without him.

We still have lots to talk about on date nights and over dinner and we hold hands and are affectionate in subtle ways like how he squeezes my waist as he walks past and we are comfortable and cosy with eachother.
There are times he makes me shiver and go weak at the knees and times I look at him and melt. Other times I know I love him because I'm on the sofa in my pjs with my hair on top of my head and he still tells me I'm gorgeous and comes for a kiss and a cuddle. I think, for me, feeling that comfortable shows me I love him. Also no matter how many thousand times I watch him undress I still think he looks divine and he feels the same. If I get bored of or repulsed by his body I'll start to worry and as soon as I'm bored of his personality I'll know it's time to call it quits. He's my best friend first and foremost.

hellooctober01 Sat 22-Feb-14 19:04:29

Sorry for double post but gosh mirt I'm sorry you feel that way.

Could you not try have a bit of alone time and do some reconnecting? Or do you feel like it's too late and you don't even want to reconnect?

Hope you're okay!

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