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Help me escape

(17 Posts)
Lostmumof31974 Fri 21-Feb-14 10:13:43

Regular user, so scared DP will find this.

He will be here in a couple of hours, he thinks to start over and work things out. DC are here, they will be thrilled to see him. He promised them the world and gave nothing but lies.
I rang the police this morning to ask for their help, they said they'd put me through to someone who dealt with him a few days ago, all I got was an answer machine. I left a message begging him to ring me asap. I hope he doesn't ring when DP arrives.
I don't know what to say to DP. I don't know how to persuade him to leave without a fuss. I am worried the DC will get upset if he packs so maybe I should make tea and act like nothing has happened until they are sleeping then ask him to leave. But where will he go? He has no money or family locally.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 21-Feb-14 10:41:31

You sound frightened. Please contact the police again and keep calling until someone picks up. Failing that, try Womens Aid 0808 2000 247. Do you have anyone that could come and be with you? Family? Friend?

Fairenuff Fri 21-Feb-14 10:46:22

Has he already moved out? If he is coming to see the children, leave him to it and go and get on with something else in another room.

If he is coming to talk to you, suggest that he comes back later when the dcs are in bed so that you can talk.

If you think he will become aggressive don't let him in the house, or go out with the children until you have heard back from police.

Lostmumof31974 Fri 21-Feb-14 10:48:25

He wants to talk but the DC are here.

Fairenuff Fri 21-Feb-14 11:13:36

Can you tell him that you can't talk whilst the children are there?

Or, if you don't want to talk to him, you don't have to.

What do you want? Have you told him it's over?

Lweji Fri 21-Feb-14 11:17:10

Get the DC out, possibly even yourself and if he wants to talk you can meet elsewhere, preferably public and with someone you know. Preferably close to the police station. Like across the road, if possible.

LilyBlossom14 Fri 21-Feb-14 11:20:57

you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to, and you can lock the doors and not let him in if you want. Short term solution I know. Can you get a friend to come over? I would also call the police back and speak to WA too. So sorry you are frightened - is awful.

Lostmumof31974 Fri 21-Feb-14 12:24:00

Police say there are no concerns re history, but to ring them if I need them.
DP says he will respect my decision.

Fairenuff Fri 21-Feb-14 12:29:48

OP I'm not sure if you are saying that you are frightened of your dh, or whether you are worried that the dc will be upset if they see him packing to leave?

Also, have you already told him that it's over?

pinkpaws Fri 21-Feb-14 18:10:14

You poor soul if he has hurt you in the past you can get a restraining order . Can be got through family court. You really need to sort this and keep yourself and kids safe . Take care

Lostmumof31974 Fri 21-Feb-14 20:59:11

He's gone. He's staying in a hotel locally. He wants us to stay together. I was strong and said no.

Logg1e Fri 21-Feb-14 21:01:43

Lostmum can you give us a few details? Are you separated? Were you living together? Do you have children together?

It's difficult to offer anything that might be helpful, without knowing basic facts, but you must never feel obliged to see him or let him in to your home. You can just say, "no, that doesn't work for me" or "no".

Lostmumof31974 Fri 21-Feb-14 21:07:40

Living together for 6 months.
We had a fight. He said nasty stuff to my DC and I flipped ran upstairs and hit him and pushed him, shouting how dare he upset DC. He hit me back, around the head, knocked me over. It has never happened before.

ThePinkOcelot Fri 21-Feb-14 21:12:25

6 months?! Walk away and don't look back!!

Where did he live 6 months ago? Why can't he go back there?

Fairenuff Fri 21-Feb-14 21:15:14

OP do you rent or own, who's name is the home in?

Logg1e Fri 21-Feb-14 21:18:23

I agree with ocelot. What you describe sounds like a very dangerous and dysfunctional incident. Nobody should live like that or inflict such behaviour on children.

I wouldn't ever see him again if I was you.

Lostmumof31974 Fri 21-Feb-14 22:07:19

Ok I will stand firm.
Feel so lonely and lost now its dark. I'm a wimp. I should be used to it, spent 5 years old before DP.

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