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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Wanted to NC for this but can't seem to manage..

36 replies

jellybrain · 21/02/2014 02:10

I have just checked into a hotel by myself because of threat from h following discussion about separating.

After lots of tears and talk he grabbed me by the front of my clothes, pushed me against the wall and told me to get out he them calmed down briefly and asked what we should do I said I thought it was over and that I would sleep in the spare room. He followed me upstairs and tried to manhandle me back down and I stood my ground, he moved away briefly and then punched at my face not to hit me but as a threat. Again he walked away and came back and said that. I should be very afraid about staying in the house as I might not make it through the night . He let me pack my bags and as I stood by the door told me I was making a really big mistake. I have done the right thing but what happens with dc surely I can't lose them if I leave under these circumstances?

OP posts:

Report

yolothankgod · 21/02/2014 02:15

Oh no he sounds horrid.

You are in a safe place which is priority for tonight.

I'm not sure on advice but I can lend a shoulder/ear if you need to talk some more

jellybrain · 21/02/2014 02:23

Thank you so much Yolo. Not sure what to next. Really want to see dcs but can't go back to the house.

OP posts:

yolothankgod · 21/02/2014 02:29

I'd wait until the morning, do you have anybody that could go to the house with you? "
Does he work if so who will be looking after the childre while he is at work?

jellybrain · 21/02/2014 02:41

He have up work nearly 2 years ago - . So, will be at home as will MiL. This is why I didn't want to go until I had a place sorted as worried about being classed as the non resident parent.

OP posts:

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 21/02/2014 02:43

Have you reported his behaviour and threats to the Police?

yolothankgod · 21/02/2014 02:45

You need to report his behaviour to the police and then I would ring women's aid for advice on what to do

Ruprekt · 21/02/2014 02:56

How awful.

Try and get some sleep as you will need energy for tomorrow.

BillyBanter · 21/02/2014 03:52

Phone the police. Phone them now. He threatened to kill you.

Fidelia · 21/02/2014 06:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

headoverheels · 21/02/2014 06:24

OP you may get more support if you get this thread moved to Relationships (by reporting your own post).

jellybrain · 21/02/2014 08:36

Thank you everyone who took the trouble to reply. I managed to get some sleep. Will contact WA etc this morning for advice. Feel a bit sick really been together for 25 years . Been awful lately he has been physically intimidating before such as blocking doorways and not allowing me to leave the room however he had always controlled himself in that he has never done anything which would leave evidence. He is a clever and well educated man who will make a very good case for himself and try his best to make me appear incompetent. Our housing situation is also unusual in that the property is owned by his brother. We own a couple of flats which are let but, are unsuitable in terms of size and location.
I want to text mil to check kids are ok but am worried it will inflame the situation.

OP posts:

jellybrain · 21/02/2014 08:39

How do I report the thread to get it moved. I'm using an iPhone and can't see what needs to be done.

OP posts:

Christmascandles · 21/02/2014 08:42

Morning jelly, pleased you've got a bit of rest. You must've been really scared last night. You need to get on the phone to WA now and be guided by them.

You also need to get this moved to relationships where there is a wealth of advice from people who have been in your situation in the past. I'll report it for you.

In the meantime I'm here to hold your hand as you escape from this vile excuse of a man.

Christmascandles · 21/02/2014 08:43

Hi jelly, have reported it for you to get it moved

jellybrain · 21/02/2014 08:59

Thank you Christmas.

OP posts:

Oscarandelliesmum · 21/02/2014 10:32

hi Jelly. thinking of you and your dc. have you texted mil or got through to wa yet? Your husband is an abusive twat so sorry

Fairenuff · 21/02/2014 10:41

He is a clever and well educated man who will make a very good case for himself and try his best to make me appear incompetent.

That means nothing to the police and the courts. They know that domestic violence happens across the board, in all sorts of different circumstances. It makes not difference to them.

Please call the police and tell them what you have told us.

Lweji · 21/02/2014 10:48

You need to check with the police and get them to go with you to the house, check the children are ok and take them with you.

Lweji · 21/02/2014 10:51

Also contact NCDV to arrange an emergency injunction.
He could be forced to leave the house.

You were forced out for one night into a hotel, but you are living in your home. You are resident there and have every right to live there in safety, with your children.

Just that you checked into a hotel at the last minute should show that it was not planned and in an emergency.

Poor children. :(

scornedwoman67 · 21/02/2014 11:03

Hi Jelly
Just here for moral support. Our local police station has a 'family justice unit' that deal with domestic violence, injunctions etc. The police will guide you. I agree with the others who say you need to report him and get the children away. I would suggest you stay in the house with the children and ask him to move out. It is not unreasonable. I am sure the police will go with you if you are worried about violence. He can go to his mothers.
Be strong

jellybrain · 21/02/2014 11:22

Am at the police station now waiting to see someone. Reported on 101 earlier.
Mil lives with us so, he can't go to hers ifyswim. My family are not local. Once I have spoken to the police I will be better placed to deal with this I hope.
Have spoken to h on phone very apologetic as always. Trying to keep strong.

OP posts:

Lweji · 21/02/2014 11:36

You could tell him that the only possible way he could eventually get back is to respect your wishes and allow you to feel safe.

Fairenuff · 21/02/2014 12:17

Well done jelly for contacting the police. Do you have a friend with you?

ElBombero · 21/02/2014 12:22

Oh jelly.

Appalling behaviour, I hate men who intimidate women, love some to tower over them and scare them. Their doing it as it's the only thing left they can do to control you or the situation, it's disgusting but desperate.

Glad your taking advice from police.

How old are your DC?

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 21/02/2014 12:31

What a pathetic man he is .

He is a bully and a total prick.

Stay strong. Do not go back. Let the police help you and definitely press charges. Get him and your MIL out of the house and make sure your children are protected. If you can't do it then you will have to let someone else do it.

Good luck.

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