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I know what you'll all tell me, but I don't think I can...

(28 Posts)
pinkbear82 Thu 20-Feb-14 10:44:26

Please go easy on me, I know the clear outstanding consensus will be LTB, but I love him, and I don't want to be alone.

I found out this week my partner has been having what I guess would be called an EA. I confronted him, and he said it had been a few months, nothing had actually happened etc. he promised it would stop, and he was sorry, he had no explanation apart from liking the attention.
As you do once you find something you scrape a bit more. I confronted a 'friend' today after seeing a few things I consider more than friendly. She has promised me nothing is going on. I'm not sure.

We have a 8.5month old dd together. She isn't a great sleeper and I know I am tired and haven't perhaps been at my best, but I know that shouldn't be an excuse.
I don't want to pack up and go, how do you get through this? I don't want to quit.

whydidthishappen Thu 20-Feb-14 19:25:56

If your parents stuck with together through thick and thin, and taught you to do so, will you be teaching your DD to do the same thing?

Would you want this relationship for her? If not, get out now.
You deserve much better. Sticking it out no matter what only enables poor behavior and encourages a sense of entitlement amongst people.

pinkbear82 Thu 20-Feb-14 19:46:55

Thank you all for kind and harsh words - they all mean a lot.

I don't know what I will do, right now I know I'm not in a good place for decision making. And I think I would be foolish to make big decisions. I need to focus on my family, who will be my support eventually, I need them all to get through the next few weeks and then perhaps I can regroup and really look at everything.

I'm not settling, I am making it clear I will not be used. I did also drop a bit into conversation with mil today. I refuse not to talk about it in rl. I won't shout about it, but I also won't be quiet as that would suit.

Thanks again. winethanks

Lavenderhoney Thu 20-Feb-14 21:08:33

Was it a friend of yours he was messing about with? If anything happened then she is hardly likely to tell you, unfortunately, especially if she is married or in a relationship.

If she is a friend of yours, I would suggest not any more.

I hope he too is wanting to sort things between you and you aren't the one jumping through hoops and giving him more attention. You'll hate yourself, in the end.

Look after your dd, carry on as you are and actions speak louder than words. Look at why his past relationships haven't worked, and if there is a pattern then make decisions on your future as though he is not there. If he is and is desperate to reassure you for a long time and not til Saturday night, then it might be ok. Otherwise, lucky you found out now and not in ten years of misery and blaming yourself for his unsupportive ways.

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