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Staying DRY

(1000 Posts)
MrsSippie Thu 20-Feb-14 10:25:38

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol. smile

randommoniker Mon 07-Apr-14 21:41:33

Hi there everyone. Sorry haven't been on for a while, but wanted to check in and give a welcoming wave to all the new people.

Also - Tabard - wanted to pass on my experience of AA. Clearly, one can run into dodgy people anywhere, but AA has been a total Godsend for me (not meant in religious way - AT ALL - I hasten to add). Something about being in a room full of people who are wired the same way that is hugely powerful and supportive. I like the structure and RL element too. I am a card-carrying atheist and freaked out about the way they bandy the word God around for quite a while. But I am 2 years and a month in now and have realised that you can totally take or leave that side of things (plus 'God' can just be the power of the group or your cat, frankly, if you want it to). If you don't like it, you can just not go back. No one will collar you if you drop in to a meeting. You can always arrive just when it's about to start and sit at the back (although I think you get loads more out of saying hi to people when you grab a coffee and sitting nearer the front so you 'connect' more with people). I know some people here have had bad experience and clearly there are ghastly people everywhere in life - including in AA meetings - but surely no harm in giving it a go? I found such a massive sense of relief when I went to my first one. I had dreaded it too (admitting what a loser I was), but felt so GOOD to hear all these people from different walks of life speaking about stuff that I related to so so clearly. Good black humour in there too - I find that quite helpful also! So I am very much in the 'pro' camp and it has certainly worked for me. My previous attempts to get sober/control my drinking got me nowhere. For years - and years - and years…..

DippyDoohDahDay Mon 07-Apr-14 21:43:39

No, no other booze in the house.. I have largely only ever bought what I have planned to drink.
I feel like I have let my family down . They knew I was six weeks AF and now it's day uno again. I'm going to have admit that aren't i....
What a stupid lady I am...

NiceTabard Mon 07-Apr-14 21:43:54

It doesn't matter. How long it is doesn't matter, what matters is that you say to yourself, right that's it, no more. And do it. It is pointless, expensive, and helps nothing. All you are doing is sitting around by yourself drinking too much every night. It's not fun. It's a habit, a really rubbish one. So do what you want to do and pack it in.

Finish up tonight, tip anything else you have down the sink, and tomorrow, and the day after that, don't do it. Just don't do it any more.

You can do it smile

NiceTabard Mon 07-Apr-14 21:46:13

Dippy you're doing it for you, not anyone else.

If telling others you slipped is going to make you feel crap then don't.

What matters is that you know what you are going to do, and that you are going to do it. smile

NiceTabard Mon 07-Apr-14 21:47:30

Well for your kids obv as well as yourself but you know what I mean. It has to come from inside you.

randommoniker thank you for your post I might give them a call, need to work myself up to it a bit first.

DippyDoohDahDay Mon 07-Apr-14 21:51:10

Nice Tabard..thanks. you are right, I need drinking like a hole in the head. A few days ago, I felt I hAd turned all my reasons for drinking on their head.. I thought it made things more fun, but realised it made them less..thought I was happier drinking, but was actually more depressed.
Why would I want to go back to that?
Thanks lovely, you have helped me a lot this evening x

NiceTabard Mon 07-Apr-14 22:00:40

Having a drink after a period not, to "check" what it's like, maybe the excess will be cured etc etc is somewhere i'm sure all of us have been.

You checked what it was like after your abstinence, the answer was, still a pointless waste of time and not a habit to get back into.

So there you are, your decision to abstain entirely is the correct one. Well done! Now you just need to do it and we are all here doing the same to support each other. Go for it smile

DippyDoohDahDay Mon 07-Apr-14 22:05:51

Thanks. I will dip back in to update and cheer on smile

NiceTabard Mon 07-Apr-14 22:18:14


stayingdry Mon 07-Apr-14 22:37:47

oh, some powerful stuff here. only went to an AA meeting and its all kicked off heresad
ok, you've had a drink, obviously there was a drink left in you.i would say, go to bed start tomorrow when you wake. end of.
one day at a time, use how you are feeling now to help you in the future.
I had a lapse in my early sobriety, shook myself down and got on with it, focused myself each day, now over 210 days.
As for going AA thats a decision only you can make.
I am an alcoholic and I cannot deal with this disease alcoholism on my own, I need their support, guidance and shared experience. there is no one else except a fellow alcoholic that truely knows how I feel.
I will not let that bastard alcohol take my great life away from me, so if all I have to do is go to afew meetings a week I will.
night all, sorry if I'm ranting, I just know how different life is for me now in a relatively short time, and anyone can do it angry angry

nochips Tue 08-Apr-14 06:43:56

Morning all.

Welcome Dippy. I was in bed last night, wish I had been online to say hi. It was a lapse, just move forward.I had a lapse a little while back, and it only served to confirm that drinking is not right for me right now, so I tried to move forward from it feeling stronger and more committed if that makes sense. I am not a day counter, so someone who finds that technieque helpful can probably advise, but if thinking of yourself as being back on Day 1 will just make you miserable and set you back, then don't think of it like that. You have done 6 weeks - of course you deserve the credit! Like stayingdry says... dust yourself off and keep going!

And yes, I agree, to read your posts. Drinking sucks. smile I was a 1-2 bottle of wine a night drinker too. I also for a good year had the most terrible pains in my side which used to keep me awake at night and freaked me out. That has vanished already, I am so relieved!!!! I am only a couple of weeks in,and the pains vanished in about 3 days.

I just want to say too, thanks everyone for this thread and being here. I have really needed you all. smile

SundayMorningComingDown Tue 08-Apr-14 09:33:54

Onwards and upwards Dippy I agree with 6 weeks minus one day. I can't even imagine 6 weeks, so you are my hero!

Today is gonna be a challenge, i think. Off out for the day. Didn't sleep great but feel pretty good. Sun is shining. By the time my friends drop us back home around 5 today, I would normally be popping into Sainsburys Local for a bottle of wine.
I was thinking last night, about a lot of things, but mainly I was thinking that Sainsburys Local have a branch next to my work AND at the top of my street. They sell wine, of course, but in a supermarkety way, rather than a "drugs" way. When I lived in the U.S, there were naice wine shops in some areas, but on the whole booze was sold in Liquor stores, with hardfaced crones behind metal grates. When you enter a Liquor Store, you know what you are about: drinking can be a serious business.
And in old fashioned British corner shops, you could get a dusty bottle of Blue Nun for 8.99. It wasn't very appealing.

Supermarkets sell wine in a "hey! lets just relax with a chilled glass of Sancerre!" sort of way. They blend wine in with the food. Sometimes you are trying to avoid the wine, and lo and behold, there is some! Next to the cheese!
As if we were French or something.
I have come to the conclusion that Local Supermarkets are evil. Aside from taking all my money because I forget things at the big Morrisons, they are there making my constant wine consumption seem normal and sort of middle class.
Anyway, here i go. I am getting in some Cranberry Juice, and some hot chocolate for later. Day 2.

BlueSkyCrystal Tue 08-Apr-14 11:22:45

Hello, can I join, please? I'm a week AF today after a two year relapse. I had ninety days before sad

That's a great post, SundayMorning, thank you.

I also threw away my A.A chips so I'm getting this bracelet as my talisman as soon as they are back in stock in The Sober Store

DippyDoohDahDay Tue 08-Apr-14 17:43:28

blue Sky I like that link...can you order from uk?
Thanks all of you for your encouragement. I like 6 weeks minus a day!
Sunday morning... I resonate with your supermarket post...they are like drug dealers on a massive scale, with pretty suppliers and sparkly bits!
My obsession with alcohol was definitely refuelled by that pint of lager Sunday night. But I won't drink today.
Unfortunately, I can't join any local support groups as I work in the addictions field..that's why I need to be posting.
Elderflower and soda water for me tonight smile

BlueSkyCrystal Tue 08-Apr-14 18:10:09

Oh that's a point, Dippy - I don't know blush

Ah well, I can look at the picture at least.

Well done on your six weeks thanks

SundayMorningComingDown Tue 08-Apr-14 19:11:57

Well, had a nice, but tiring day, got home, and then I had a real urge to go and buy a bottle of wine. White.

I told ds we needed to pop to (Grrr) Sainsburys, as I needed paper towels.
When we got there I made myself stop by the soft drinks. I thought of you lot, and thought about telling you I hadn't even managed day 2. Then I thought "I could lie.." But I knew I couldn't, since all of you have worked so hard, and been so honest.
Then I thought about telling you how I grabbed some cranberry juice, some fizzy water and an 8 pack of two finger Kit Kats, paid and left without wine.
Home now, safe. I may eat all the KitKats later, but I won't be drinking!

You know what else I was thinking last night? That however anxious I feel, the sun will set tonight, and it will rise tomorrow, just like always. No matter what I do.
I found that comforting-I don't know why.

LemonDough Tue 08-Apr-14 19:52:37

As if we were French or something.

LOL! That properly made me laugh, thank you Sunday Morning grin

Hello people, sorry for my absence for so long. I do read often but as I rarely get on a proper keyboard (usually on my phone which is a pita to type on and I can't get my thoughts down quick enough before they vanish) that I don't often post.

Goodness, I think it must be three weeks, possibly four now? since my relapse and things are going swimmingly, sort of. No booze - even had a weekend with three boozy friends and wasn't tempted. If anything watching two of them slur at each other two nights in a row was quite offputting.

I'm finding it hard to forgive myself my last relapse and it's having a horrible effect on my relationship with my husband - I can't see how he could forgive me if I can't forgive myself? Not sure where it will lead but it's going round in my head a bit.

I think the main cause of relapsing for me is to remind myself of why I stop, which is of course absolutely daft. I get the obsessional thoughts going round and round my head which eventually lead to me buying booze - not because I relish the thought of getting drunk but to stop the ruddy thoughts and remind myself how bloody awful it is with your head down the toilet the next morning hmm Antabuse stops those thoughts quite effectively for me because I can't just drop everything and pick up a bottle - I have an entire week after my last tablet before I could drink anyway - who wants to wait that long?!

Dippitydoo - why does working in an addiction field preclude you from AA? One of the first people I saw in my first meeting was none other than the alcohol counsellor I had seen the previous year. Most people working in addiction end up in that field because of their own issues don't they? In my experience they do, anyway. I don't go to AA any longer as the god stuff just didn't work for me but I would never discourage anyone else from trying it - whatever works!

Yes, there are arseholes in AA. There are also arseholes in every pub in the land, every library on the high street and I hear that sometimes they even hang out in Sainsburys next to the cheese grin Just use the same common sense safety rules you would apply to other situations, it's not rocket science.

You're not stuck in there forever once you walk in the door either. You can take it or leave it as much or as little as you like.

I was terrified at my first meeting but was astonished at how lovely people were smile. Very welcoming and careful not to scare me off. I'm still in contact with some people I met in AA and although they occasionally ask me if I might come back there is no pressure at all.

MrsSippie Tue 08-Apr-14 19:55:29

Spent today in a and e as my mum has fallen and broken her pelvis. Argh. Long and stressful day and really fancy a drink. I won't though. She is staying in and I am shattered.

RachaelAgnes Tue 08-Apr-14 20:28:42

Miss Sippie - hope you can get some decent rest this evening
I've had a day in hospital too with DP. Knew he had something wrong with a kidney, confirmed today as a tumour.
We came out of the hospital and all I wanted was wine - but realised it would just fug how I'm feeling, and maybe it's better to feel scared, worried and a little sick, rather than just feel pissed.
As was said by one of you wise people (on phone, can't name check) the sun will set tonight and rise again in the will continue to deal and feel with this sober.
Thank you all so much for this thread - it's my place to run to!

randommoniker Tue 08-Apr-14 20:33:52

Oh, MrsS I am so sorry. Dreadful for your mum, but that sort of situation is so much more hard to deal with when you have a complicated relationship with the person who is suffering. So much easier to be supportive and caring when you have straightforward love and compassion for the other person. My father was horrendous to me when I was a child (and adult, frankly), but is now v .frail and has vascular dementia. I am having to look after him/sort care etc and weirdly feel able to be quite loving. Think I have accepted that he wasn't perfect, but was the product of his own upbringing/did what he was able etc. So not as hard as it used to be. But equally, I know I'd be far more emotionally involved if it was my mother. So imagine you are struggling with all that jumbled up stuff on top of the practical things. Really feel for you. Hope you can get home and get some kip soon.

And lovely to hear your news, Lemondough. Know what you mean about not being able to face attempting a post from your phone! Sorry to hear about your self-flagellation re. the relapse. All very well to say 'keep it in the day' etc, but incredibly hard in practice not to have regrets and be annoyed with oneself. Wonder if you can try to use it as extra proof/evidence that you really can't drink? Maybe you don't harbour those thoughts (I know I have that demon on my shoulder whispering 'oh, you'd be fine now - give it a go' quite often), in which case it wouldn't apply. Just trying to see if there is some way of finding a silver lining. But bottom line - you aren't drinking now and that's fantastic. End of.

And SundayMorning - I totally get why you feel comforted by that certainty and rhythm about the sun rising and setting. I do too.

Wishing everyone a happy, sober evening. There is such honesty and courage on this thread - I find it really inspiring and heartening.

DippyDoohDahDay Tue 08-Apr-14 22:07:48

Evening. I'm munching my way through the milky bar mini eggs that I intended for my son!
I don't feel I can go to local support groups as my drinking issue came about since I have worked for addiction services...been in this line of work for quite a while but in the last four years my own issues grew. That might become clear in groups and then I don't want to seem hypocritical...though I don't preach anything and am not judgemental to our clients. Maybe these are just my excuses and I should say sod it and just go for it....then again, I know AA is supposed to be confidential, but in my experience it isn't really...that would worry me.
Why can't I stop eating sweets ?! smile

randommoniker Tue 08-Apr-14 22:17:06

Stuffing yourself with chocolate is an entirely normal replacement activity IME. I did it for a good while. So what - better than drinking, I say…..grin

stayingdry Wed 09-Apr-14 06:49:48

exactly random, better chocolate than alcohol.
your weight will platto out anyway.not drinking you'll be more active.
I've been asked by a lady at AA to sponsor her,chuffed but a little nervous. first one, wish me luck.wink
me sponsoring someone to help them with their sobriety, ha that wouldnt of happened 8 minths agogrin grin
sunny day here, simple day, simple life, gonna enjoy x

nochips Wed 09-Apr-14 06:58:10

thanks MrsSippie So hard a situation, worse with a DM you have a difficult relationship with.

thanks Rachael what terrible news about your DH.

Dippy I went nuts with chocolate the first 10 days or so..... I don't even like chocolate!!! Now am baking cakes like crazy.

Good luck stayingdry with being a sponsor. smile

Lovely to see everyone this morning. I lapsed last night. Not sure why. I was doing really well, feeling really confident and strong. Maybe i got complacent. Stupid me. I did not even enjoy it.

randommoniker Wed 09-Apr-14 08:26:14

Goodness Rachel. How awful about your DH. I am so very sorry. You must both be under the most enormous strain right now.

Stayingdry - I have just taken on my first sponsee too! Can't quite believe anyone thinks I am in a position to mentor them…. Don't feel nearly 'wise' enough!! But in a way nice to have that responsibility - also will force me to read and think about sobriety loads so should help keep me sober.

So sorry to hear about the relapse, nochips. The desire to drink can come out of nowhere I find. Horrid, sneaky thing, alcoholism. You have to have your guard up at all times or the bastard creeps up on you. Today is a fresh day - try to be kind to yourself.

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