Not brave enough to put on am I bu, but cannot work out if I am or not.
Don't want to out myself so can't give all details but background is: since having ds I work have gone back to work freelance two / three days a week. I am a teacher so also have holidays off. I know I am lucky and ds is generally a delight and I have lots of fun with him. I generally like to make myself busy and go out and about every day if I can.
Before I married dh he knew I am not into domestic stuff and don't enjoy cleaning etc. I would much rather go and have fun than clean and so things would be left by both of us and then we'd do a deep clean. We would argue a lot over who should do what and when. But generally do 50/50. However, I would do pretty much everything else food shopping, putting shopping away, washing, finances etc.
However since we've had ds his attitude seems to have got a lot worse and he admits he feels resentful that I ve 'got an easier life than him' now I work part time. I feel he doesn't value what I do looking after our son. I can see how he feels like that as I am often going out with friends, having play dates and lunches out whilst he works. As a result he often tuts and rolls his eyes if I ask him to do a job like washing up and his reasoning for why he shouldn't do it is always 'because I ve been at work all day ' he only does a handful of general household jobs and I do everything else yet I feel he makes me feel guilty if I ve been out all day with ds and not made his tea or not tidied up.
In his defence we do have a cleaner so I know I am lucky but again he views this as ' I let you get a cleaner ' rather than we've got a cleaner. I don't feel like our marriage is a partnership and feel he makes it constant point scoring and tit for tat. His attitude seems to be all about who earns the most and who does the most hours , whereas I don't care and don't see marriage like that.
It's worse this week as I am on half term and he feels I should do it all as ' I am on holiday' we have been having blazing rows and I don't know how we can move on from this when our attitudes to marriage seem to be so different.
He seems to find general life more stressful than most and moans about things which other people just get on with. He argues I ve caused stress to him wanting kids and dogs and another house which increased our mortgage which is true and I admit this. He argues this has caused him stress and along with having his own business he finds it too much and I should help him out. But I feel he just moans more and his life isn't harder than anyone else's. He doesn't leave for work until 8.40 and lies in bed for ages after I get up. He gets home before 7 and has a few weekly household jobs to do whereas I balance so much more.
I don't know who's in the wrong or if this even matters but I am unsure how we can get past this with his attitude towards things. It's not going to change I don't think. But then maybe my attitude needs changing. Who's on the wrong?
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Relationships
Has your dh attitude to housework changed since you went part time after having ds?
cleoowen · 19/02/2014 23:12
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