Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Does he have the right?(9 Posts)
Firstly, apologise if I have posted this on the incorrect thread, there is so many and not sure where this slots in!
I'm after some opinions.
My son's father and I broke up at the beginning of this year due to him physically hurting us. He has tried many times in asking for us to get back together, then says he understands we won't, then tries again and then says my answer of no is a shock and surprise, etc, etc. Only recently on another attempt of saying he doesn't know where we stand and whether we will get back together and being told no he has turned very nasty. More so as he has to move back to his mum's as he needs to give his place up at the end of the month, which in his opinion is not good for a middle aged man and he refuses to rent elsewhere as he doesn't see why he should spend the money. He also brags about him buying a brand new car and spending thousands on himself but refuses to pay maintenance, so have had to get CSA involved which made him very angry.
Anyway, I am seeing a solicitor regarding my son soon but I am wondering about my to be child as I am pregnant with our child number 2 (he did know I was pregnant when he physically hurt us too but went to the doctors and baby was ok). In some of his correspondance, apart from childish nastiness he has said that as he has parental responsibility I can not do anything with my children, including the unborn child without his permission, including choosing schools, religion, medical treatment or take them on holiday which he has implied whatever I decide he will refuse/deny just to be stubborn and awkward. He also says he will visit them, take them out or take them away for periods of time whenever he sees fit despite us agreeing regular visits in the past and I can't do anything about it.
Does he have this right to refuse my children any enjoyment in life and the best possible education/chances that I can provide? (We never lived together and he only visited at weekends and it was agreed my children will always live with me and he has not changed this stance yet!) Do I have to let him have unsupervised access as I do not trust he will not hurt them again or even bring them back?
Is he on the birth certificate? If not, he has no parental rights whatsoever.
I have to say, any man that physically assaulted me or my child wouldn't be anywhere near me or my child again. Access would be court ordered and in a contact centre.
You say you went to the doctors after - did you go to the police?
Make sure your solicitor has experience in domestic violence cases and then give them all of this information. Did you ever report him to the police? Did your doctor know that he had inflicted the injuries when you saw them? Are Social Services aware?
The more evidence you can show that he is a violent and unreasonable man, the less influence he will have on your children in the future. You can go for supervised, limited access for example... so no 'holidays' or taking them away. The children should not be placed in danger.
In the meantime, do not communicate with him verbally as this is simply giving him opportunity to bully and abuse you further. Anything you have to say to him about your son do via e-mail so that you can keep a paper record
I would speak with your solicitor and then ignore all his messages except the ones that are essential, even then communicate only via email and only about contact.
Change your mobile number too if he is harassing you and ring the police to get it noted. This will make it easier for you to prove he is an unfit parent in court.
Above all don' give in to his childish demands.
I don't have any direct experience but afaik if he has parental responsibility then he can stop you from taking the children abroad. I've always read advice on here that says get the children a passport to prevent the father doing so in cases like this. If you aren't married then you don't have to have him on the birth certificate for your unborn child, if he's not on it then he doesn't have any automatic parental responsibility. But he can take it to court to be put on it.
If your ex is likely to be awkward (which it sounds he is) you need to get proper legal advice, most solicitors give you a free half hour but start with the CAB. If you are the primary carer then he can't just walk in to your home and take your children when he feels like it.
It might be worthwhile getting this moved to legal matters or reposting there as there are lots of people here with experience of this kind of situation who can give you more advice.
A child has the right to a meaningful relationship with it's father.
A father has no 'rights'.
Being a violent, abusive prick is not a good basis for a meaningful relationship. Speak to Womens Aid for advice in dealing with his threats, and get recommendations for a good family law solicitor who has an interest in DV.
If you are not married and his name is not on the birth certificate for your child, then he does nit have parental responsibility.
Thanks for your help guys. Just to let you know all was taken in and considered and I sought legal advise. We are now going to court for residency and the solicitor has informed me that I have been doing everything right and that everything he has told me I can or can't do without his permission has been incorrect.
Again thanks guys, all of this has put my mind at ease. Just hoping for a quick resolve now so we can move on like normal again.
Glad you have a reassuring solicitor and hope you get the right outcome in court. Good luck
Join the discussion
Please login first.