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Would you agree to be named as guardian in this situation?

(4 Posts)
jessjessjess Wed 19-Feb-14 09:08:17

Friend is pregnant with first DC and has mentioned wanting to name me and DH as guardians. Problem is, her family are toxic and unpleasant, cause constant drama and mostly treat her like dirt.

I feel deeply uncomfortable with the idea of having to maintain a relationship with her family. If I actually became guardian, I could hardly just take it upon myself to cut off her child's entire birth family.

I know I will probably never actually become guardian but it's something to take very seriously before agreeing, surely?

I really don't know what to do. If I say no, should I make up an excuse? Or tell her the truth: I can't cope with her family and can't be guardian if she expects me to keep in touch - as in all honesty I can't support her child having a relationship with them and am not willing to facillitate it.

I know some people will think I'm just being judgemental or say "but they're her FAMILY!" but my friend regularly tells me about drama between family members or poor behaviour towards her. Don't want to go into detail as you never know who's reading. I'm happy to listen and be there for her. I don't know why she keeps in touch with any of them but that's up to her.

What would you do, or have you done, in this situation? Should I make up an excuse, very gently tell her the truth or just agree and hope it never happens? I suspect some people will think I am being horribly judgemental but I really don't know what to do.

Casmama Wed 19-Feb-14 09:13:08

I think I would very gently tell her the truth and ask what her expectations would be in this regard. Perhaps don't tell her you have made a final decision but that you are really thinking through the practicalities.

I don't see any excuse you could make which wouldn't harm your friendship and if she is asking you rather than family then presumably acknowledges her family's shortcomings.

Helpyourself Wed 19-Feb-14 09:18:20

On one hand the chances of ever having to fulfil your duties are quite slim, so why meet trouble half way.
On the other the fact that you're the Guardian could annoy them and you could end up embroiled in all that drama anyway.
I can see why your friend wants a non family member. I think were I you, I'd say yes but ask her to write down and log with a reliable third party her important wishes, so if you do take up the duties its clear you're fulfilling her wishes. And not tell her family unless really essential.

jessjessjess Wed 19-Feb-14 09:21:20

All very good points, thank you...

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