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Help needed re housing situation(39 Posts)
ExP and I split up nearly 3 years ago after he met someone else. To begin with he suggested instead of him paying maintenance for our 2 dc's he would pay the mortgage. This then changed to him paying half the mortgage, Â£120, and he is now saying he can't afford this and is wanting to sell the house so he can buy a property with his gf.
I can afford the mortgage payments, just, myself along with every other bill and expenses but I am unable to buy him out as I only work 3 days a week and my salary would not enable me to take over the whole mortgage alone.
I really don't want to sell for many reasons. Firstly the children are really settled, good school, great childminder locally and as it is a small village I couldn't not rent a house here. Also our mortgage is only Â£240 a month , I could never rent a house for that amount.
He is saying he is going to instruct a valuation on the house to get it on the market but can he do this without my agreement. The mortgage is on joint names and we are both on the title deeds.
I haven't been able to sleep for days with the worry of it all, can anyone help re advice on this?
Thanks everyone, there was no mortgage advisor available at work toss but will def look into it. Although nothing had changed feel so much better with all your words of support
If it helps, some mortgage lenders will take into account child maintenance that is paid as a private arrangement and not via CSA. I've had mortgages with Santander and the Woolwich who did just this. You do have to supply evidence via bank statements that it is paid regularly, so I'd imagine you would have to be paid it for 6 months at least before you could apply.
I know he's not working but if £240 is a stretch then even the £5 a week he'd probably be ordered to pay would be a help to the OP.
Ex is not working though Sid, so minimal CB. Would OP's other benefits increase due to that? Not very up on that myself.
Thing is, from the repayments it seems that to buy him out might be doable. He may even cooperate more if he knows he has cash coming his way. Would any CB arrears come out of his proceeds?
In OP's shoes I'd do every darn thing in my power to get that house.
I don't know this for Scotland but for England
He can't sell the house without your knowledge, ex tried it it was brilliant ringing up the agent and introducing myself!
With regards to the key, if you are covering the interest than he doesn't have to have a key. If he is covering the interest you are preventing him from benefiting from the property.
Presumably it's child maintenance not mortgage contributions he's paying you though?!
Do bare in mind there's a chance interest rates will be going up soon so make sure you can increase your wages to cover this.
The OP can pay the mortgage though. And will be able to better afford it once she gets some child support.
Having thought about it, and enjoyed Bruno's post, it would obviously be better to buy him out so he no longer benefits from the sale of a house he makes no contribution to. I would take legal advice on that issue too.
Basically take heart in the fact that the only way he has to get what he wants is court, and that will end in misery for him.
Good thinking Branching Out, there is even a website for those who wish to lodge weekdays only.
Thing with mesher order is someone still has to pay the mortgage or it will be repossessed.
As for seeing the bank advisor, you may not come under their lending criteria. I would approach an independent mortgage broker or two.
Could you take in a lodger to help with bills?
If you are sleeping in the largest bedroom, subdivide it with an IKEA room divider so that your children can share it. Let out the second biggest room and sleep in the smallest room yourself.
You've had some good advice on this thread.
He absolutely won't be able to sell the house out from under you. You own it too.
What he could do is take it to court, and after a loooong annoying process, during which you would apply for I think a ?mesher order (which prevents the house being sold until the youngest child is 18 - check, it may be different in Scotland) - the judge would probably come down on your side.
I would say something like this to him:
'If I were you, ExP, I'd have a long think about what you want to do here. Sure, you can try and get me out of the house. Take legal advice before you try it though, because what I will do is attempt to get an order to prevent the house being sold until xx is 18. I will probably get it, and so you will have spent a lot of money that could have gone on your new house deposit fighting something pointless. Also, if you do this, I will make an immediate application to the CSA (now CMS) for maintenance. They'll backdate it from the date of my claim. Sure, you're not working now, but as soon as you are, they'll be chasing you. And chasing you forever, because I will be like a dog with a bone on it. You'll end up with thousands in arrears waiting for you as soon as you start that shiny new job. Ok, you say - it's worth it for me to get out of paying that £120 a month now. Fine - go ahead. I'll work on getting a guarantor and get you taken off the mortgage - which let's not forget, that's what you're supposed to be paying - so when/if I do sell the house, you'll see not a penny. Do the sums. If I were you, I'd keep on paying that £120 a month and just pray that I don't go to the CSA and get you taken off the mortgage anyway. Oh, and that's before we even touch on the fact that every word of these discussions is being recorded, by me, for the DC to read when they're old enough to understand what a slimy twat their dad is. So if you also fancy having your own children laugh in your face when you want their support when you're old and grey - carry right on!'
Just say no. The only way he could possibly press ahead would be to get a court order, and he won't get that if chucking you out would make children homeless. Even if unemployed he would still be ordered to pay you a minimum amount of child support which would help you out a bit. Weird to leave your job if you want to buy a house too.
He is looking to entirely shrug off his responsibilities to his children to make his life easier and he just can't do that.
I expect your legal advice will reassure you.
Just going into work now but thank you all for your responses, I'll let you know how I got on re buying him out invective spoken to our mortgage advisor
There are too many on various forums and money advice to bring them here.
google, mortgages that take benefits into account.
Just had a thought. If there isn't a relative with cash help, would one be willing to be your guarantor?
So he gave up work to avoid paying maintenance and has decided instead of working he is going to sell his children's home and live off that money?! Wow... Astonishingly bad!
It is really tough when you have an ex like this. It is as important to challenge, and for the kids to see you challenge, bad behaviour by your ex, as it is to try to get on IMO. The kids will need to learn to call him on it when he screws them over too no doubt.
You can get emotional and practical support from women's aid with something like this you know? You don't have to go it alone.
Yes, as Yeti said, it must be a formal agreement with the CSA and have been paid regularly for six months previous I believe.
Try stashing as much cash as possible in case ex refuses to pay a month. Any relatives could help out?
There are other threads here on the subject of benefits and mortgages, saw them on google this morning. I'm useless at the internal search facilities so maybe someone else could find them.
Good luck as it would give you such security to have your own place.
Thank you, He recently gave up his job, he wasn't made redundant. I thought I was doing the best for the kids by causing as little fuss as possible and showing them that we get on but I understand now I need to toughen up a bit.
The frustrating thing is it is a lovely 3 bedroom house in nice area with a large garden that is costing 240 a month in mortgage payments. I just could not get anything to rent for that money
What he is paying now would be correct if he earned only £185 per week before tax. It is extremely likely he earns a lot more than than.
It is highly likely he should be paying more than £120 a month anyway.
But yes, you need to get maintenance ASAP and I'm not sure why he thinks he could stop paying the maintenance anyway just because he chose to pay the maintenance in the form of mortgage payments. He can't just pay nothing!
You can do a maintenance calculation here; www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/
I think it is the child maintenance service now not the CSA who have closed for new cases.
Get yourself to the CSA as mortgage lenders recognise payments from the CSA when it comes to mortgages, however, they do not recognise private agreements.
He cannot instruct anybody to value the house without your permission, if he does, refuse to let them in.
You dont have to sell, he would have to start a very costly court case to force you to sell and to be honest, the judge would probably rule in your favour as you can afford the payments.
Do not let him bully you, even a court case will take months to happen, dont panic, you have time on your side. Like I said, it will take months before court etc (and once he sees the cost he will probably change his mind). so nothing can be done straightaway.
You need a solicitor for this I'm afraid. ASAP.
If he is abusive and you are suffering anxiety/depression from his treatment of you and have been seen by medical professionals it is possible you could get a supporting letter to qualify for legal aid.
I work for a bank and have looked into it but my wages are not enough to cover it, although I could, just about, manage the monthly payments myself.
The only benefits I get are child benefit and child tax credit. I wi have a look today for other lenders who might take this into account, thank you for your reply
I don't know about Scotland, but in England some mortgage lenders will take into account certain benefits in assessing mortgage criteria.
Therefore, I would find out first what I am entitled to and then approach a lender.
John Charcol is a broker here who arranges them, so worth giving them a ring.
I guess from your mortgage payments, that to buy your ex out wouldn't cost a great deal.
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