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would you be upset not to be invited to sisters hen do?

(23 Posts)
ThinkIMmad Tue 18-Feb-14 23:26:45

We are not close i just want to point out hardly ever see her if im honest shes very career minded and doesnt seem to have much time for her family.

Im already put out a bit about her not wanting her nephews or neices at the wedding its a no kids allowed do i do respect her decision but the kids would of liked oF have gone but owell.

So ive been asked today by my mum if i was going to Newcastle for the weekend in April with them because my other sister wasnt invited either and was a bit put out. First i knew Of it. I wasnt going to ask her or even mention it but i thought oh ok ill send her a little message on fb wanted to invite her to my dds birthday party anyway went on her profile and she seems to of been organising this for ages status about final numbers and booking hotels and limos etc. I can kind of understand her not wanting family there if its going to be her last weekend of freedom if shes going to be getting upto god knows what. I genuinely get that, but i just get this feeling shes been hiding the statu from me and possibly my other sister as ive seen loads of her other stuff recently but none about hen do.

Maybe she was thinking about money and childcare aspect of it for us aswell but that would be way too thoughtful of her so i dont know. But im kind of dissapointed obviously i knew the wedding was coming up but i was only saying to DH other day wonder what shes upto for her hen do i need a good night out.

Maybe like a lot of other stuff im over reacting and letting my mind work over but i am pissed off about it, she came to my hen do i invited her because end of the day shes my sister we may not be close but we're sisters, she was even my bridesmaid. Again we havent been asked to be a bridesmaid shes having her 3 closest friends, im not botherd about that in fairness i wouldnt like to be 1 but i could of had my friends as bridesmaids but i didnt i had my sisters because according to my mum you should have your sisters, maybe that says more about me than it does my sister.

Sorry to rant on

sykadelic15 Wed 19-Feb-14 03:32:47

Well I think it does say more about you than her. She obviously doesn't care, as is her prerogative, but you care more than you'd like to admit.

Sadly though I'm going to have to say that while I understand that you're upset, I think you're more upset because you were hoping for a good excuse for a night out, rather than because you're missing her hens.

Let's be honest. You go to her hen's (if you were invited) it was going to be all about her and you probably wouldn't have enjoyed yourself all that much anyway.

Leave her to her business and instead plan a great night out with your friends and/or family.

bragmatic Wed 19-Feb-14 07:38:15

Yes, I'd be upset, but it might be the catalyst I'd need to make an effort to be closer, if that's what I wanted.

diddl Wed 19-Feb-14 07:41:54

Well you put that you're not close, & also tour other sister isn't invited.

Are youy really upset or pissed off because she'e doing what she wants & you did what you were told you had to do?

MrsDavidBowie Wed 19-Feb-14 07:45:22

You're not close....why does a wedding change things? You seem to be very influenced by what your mum says...your sister has broken away from that.

AllThatGlistens Wed 19-Feb-14 09:05:20

Ah I'm sorry you're upset OP, but in all honesty, if you aren't close and rarely see each other then that suggests you don't have the sort of relationship that warrants being bridesmaid or going to hen weekends?

I'm sure it must hurt but unfortunately just because you're related to someone doesn't necessarily mean you'll have a close bond with them too.

ThinkIMmad Wed 19-Feb-14 09:17:47

hi, yes i know your all right to a certain extent. I guess im just fed up of making the effort and getting none back. Its not so much that im influenced by what my mum has to say but i agree strongly with her in fairness we also arent that close

It does make me wonder though even if we were closer i dont think i would have been invited as she is quite close to my other sister.

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 19-Feb-14 09:47:53

Why don't you suggest getting together for a nice lunch out and a couple of drinks - just the sisters? It might bring you together before the wedding and if you say 'Mum mentioned you're having a do in Newcastle, how about a small sisters' do as well'... it clears the air and then she knows she doesn't have to worry about not mentioning it as well.

I love my sister dearly but her friends are much more quiet and respectable (!) than mine. I'd be worried about her being offended or freaked out by some of my noisy and sometimes attention seeking friends (that doesn't make them sound nice, they are great fun - just not to everyone's taste, especially when they've had a few - haha).

It may be that she didn't think you would come etc rather than not wanting you there... If I'm honest I'd invite my sister because she's my sister rather than thinking she'd fit in etc. I definitely would invite her though, so I can totally understand you feeling confused about it, and your other sister feeling put out.

I'd see this as an opportunity to build bridges and maybe a chance to accept how you're different.

Hope that helps

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 19-Feb-14 09:49:44

PS - Your mum must have felt a bit awkward about it?

ThinkIMmad Wed 19-Feb-14 09:58:11

WhateverTrevor83 - Thanks yer thats a good idea. I think thats an issue aswell the friends bit she came to my hen do and i said she could bring a friend which she did they just sat there most of the time and left early. So yes i agree maybe she thinks its not my cup of tea. The meeting up is a good idea and if she comes to my daughters party on saturday i will suggest it, i say IF because shes not replied to my fb message i would txt her but shes quite lack at replying i know if i fb her i can see if shes read it or not and its obvious shes online so i know aswell if shes just choosing not to read it. Considering she missed my birthday last month and had missed my kids partys in the past im not holding out on her coming.

cheeseandpineapple Wed 19-Feb-14 10:09:15

Agree with Trevor. It sounds like you're at different stages of your lives. Is she the youngest? What's the age gap?

Even if she doesn't make the effort now, suspect she will have a different outlook if and when she has kids and hopefully she won't have alienated you too much by then.

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 19-Feb-14 10:12:01

You're welcome. Glad I didn't put my foot in it!

Oh dear... she sounds a bit flaky. This is just a guess - but do you think she is a bit jealous of you? I know me and my sister have this thing where
I think she is a bit boring, and she thinks I am a bit bonkers and irresponsible!

I think really, and every now and then when there's a glass of wine on the go, we agree that actually I'd like to be a bit more settled like her and she'd like to have a bit more fun like me.

Asking whether she's coming or not at the weekend isn't unreasonable... you need to know how many boxes of party rings to buy grin maybe give her a call? I find texts and FB / email can be difficult as it's so hard to get the tone across... a joke can come off as being mean etc... say you've missed her, that you've been disappointed not to see her the last couple of times you've invited her to stuff (this gives her an opportunity to explain, or apologise - if she wants to) and you'd like to suggest doing something just the sisters before she gets married. Maybe if you say you know she's going to Newcastle but to think about another time she might be free.

Just a thought!

MrsDavidBowie Wed 19-Feb-14 10:29:06

Don't be offended by her not coming to your dd's party.... I would never have gone to a child's party at all! Most people without children would.

MrsDavidBowie Wed 19-Feb-14 10:29:27

Wouldn't I mean

ThinkIMmad Wed 19-Feb-14 10:39:12

We are at different stages i have a very simple life im happy with it but shes totally opposite which i do respect. I would just like my kids to know who their family is though atm my youngest 3 wouldnt recognise her in the street if they walked past her which i just find sad.

I will see what happens anyway, the party on saturday is my dds first birthday its not a proper party as such ive just invited close friends and family round and ill b putting a spread on, i have other childless relatives who are happy to come to the partys and she has been to them before but i understand and arent offended if they dont want. Its usually a case of she will come if shes no plans

deepest Wed 19-Feb-14 12:05:28

My sister didnt invite any of her four sisters - 3 of whom were bridesmaids and the other one who was a bride (joint wedding)....to her hen do!!! She is a real diva and likes to be the centre of attention with her friends fawning over her.....obviously felt her sisters would cramp her style

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 19-Feb-14 12:20:04

Woah! Never been to a joint wedding always been curious. Bet that was fun for your other sister if she is a diva confused - sounds a rain PITA!

Blimey... never realised how cool my sister is. I'm meeting up with her at the weekend (live 500 miles apart) with my nephew who is nearly one (her others are 8 and 9... and mad). We're like chalk and cheese but this thread has made me want to give her a squeeze when I see her.

OP hope she comes to the do on Saturday and there's a chance to have a chat and maybe organise a meet up that'll clear the air.

cory Wed 19-Feb-14 12:23:42

My family doesn't do hen do's/stag parties but if they did I wouldn't invite my db's (whom I am very close to) or expect to be invited by them. My understanding is that hen do's are often fairly lively affairs- and quite frankly, there are things I wouldn't want to know about my nearest and dearest, particularly not now that I'm middle-aged and settled.

If you are at different stages and have very different takes on life, don't you think she might be worried that you would sit her silently judging her and her friends when they were on a night out? Or even simply that you wouldn't enjoy yourself, and that that would throw a damper on the proceedings?

ThinkIMmad Wed 19-Feb-14 15:48:45

Thanks again Trevor yer me too would be nice, id like to be closer with all my family tbh

ThinkIMmad Thu 20-Feb-14 14:49:13

Well i dont think she will be coming on Saturday so dont think i will be building bridges anytime soon, her message was just that she will have to make sure her fiance hasnt made plans and then she replied again saying she had an old uni friend coming up so going for a meal but i think thats an excuse, she would of remembered about the uni friend an hour before when she sent the first txt surely.

Never mind

ThinkIMmad Thu 20-Feb-14 14:50:04

a meal in the evening i meant to write so she was going to see if she had time to call in

maggiemight Thu 20-Feb-14 22:26:00

I only really got on with my sister after we both had DCs so I wouldn't give up at all OP, it's just not happening at the moment. Just pretend you are really pleased for her with the wedding etc and that it would be great if she could pop in.

I wouldn't guilt trip her at all, sounds as if your DM encouraged you to have your sis s to be your bridesmaids, but that's your DM's wishes not yours.

Weddings nowadays are much more about friends than family ime so quite normal. But as I said at the start of this, my DSis and I got closer after DCs when we had more in common and are best friends now!

ThinkIMmad Fri 21-Feb-14 16:41:00

Yeh we will see Maggie, cant really see her with kids but im sure if she does she will be wating us then. Going to try not think about it anyway x

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