Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

So, if on leaving after a fight you feel.....

(10 Posts)
keepcalmandkickon Tue 18-Feb-14 22:17:35

....relief that it is over, that is probably a sign that you are doing the right thing and shouldn't go back, right??

Just had an argument with boyfriend of 7 months, about something so trivial but I think there has been a lot of stuff brewing so it just exploded, I ended up walking out with my stuff and on getting into the car felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders.

But, how do I know that this isn't just temporary and I should just call and try to work it out? When do you know to call it a day?

EirikurNoromaour Tue 18-Feb-14 22:28:20

Trust your gut. Always. Especially so early on. If you feel relief, trust it.

Casmama Tue 18-Feb-14 22:28:23

IME relief is a sure sign that continuing to walk away is the right move especially after only 7 months.

keepcalmandkickon Tue 18-Feb-14 22:53:35

Thank you......I am just not very good at drawing a line,i always end up trying to make things work because I think there is potential and I am just being fussy and intolerant. But trusting my gut is something I am trying to learn to do.

ThinkIMmad Tue 18-Feb-14 23:04:01

follow your head not your heart smile

Offred Tue 18-Feb-14 23:21:36

You have to learn to walk away even if you feel there might be potential because it just isn't worth it.

I'd say relief is a good sign it isn't worth it.

Potential is basically a statement the relationship is not good enough.

keepcalmandkickon Wed 19-Feb-14 09:16:12

That is a really good way of explaining it offred, I hadn't thought about it like that before, I always assumed that potential meant you had to at least give it a go as that was how all relationships started but you are right, if I am focusing on potential it means that the reality is lacking.

Offred Wed 19-Feb-14 09:22:34

Yes, it is tough to refocus your mind that way though! We all want to believe in someone we have feelings for. You never have to give something a go though if it isn't actually working for you.

When you get to that stage and are thinking about the benefit of the doubt or potential it is often but not always because you're not looking at what it is like now I think.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 19-Feb-14 09:25:40

IME it takes about three months to get past the starry-eyed phase and six months is when any serious cracks show up. Ignore the serious cracks, get another six months down the track and suddenly you're a long-term relationship and the rationale goes from 'thinking there is potential' to not wanting to waste your 'emotional investment'.... and then you're scuppered.

You don't owe him anything. Never blame yourself for having high standards.

Jan45 Wed 19-Feb-14 10:54:28

Would depend how I felt in the days after, if I wanted to try again I would, whether that ended in a bad way is irrelevant, we all do what we want at the time, and it's not necessarily the best decision.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now