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Is it possible to rekindle an old flame after 25 years?can you ever go back?

(15 Posts)
pineapplecube Tue 18-Feb-14 22:02:16

I left my old bf for someone else 25 years ago.
I married this new man and we remained married for 20 years and had 3 dc.
We split up 4 years ago when he left me for ow.
We are now divorced.
I suffered emotional abuse for years and was cheated on so many times(although I never knew at the time)
I was still however devastated when he left me.

I have always remained friends with my old ex bf and have found out he has had feelings after all these years. I thought I left him for the love of my life how wrong I was.
But....can you ever go back? I felt I didn't love/fancy him anymore is this just because my head had been turned? We are going for lunch next week and I'm just confused and not sure what will happen.

redundantandbitter Tue 18-Feb-14 22:09:55

DON'T. DO. IT. Been there done that still crying.

As a friend once said to me.. "Never reheat old toast"

AmeliaAmelia Tue 18-Feb-14 22:41:07

Just go out for a lunch and see how it goes.... Be careful and dont force yourself to fall in love with old bf

Benzalkonium Tue 18-Feb-14 22:44:52

Have you had any other boyfriends since your divorce?

I think it is easier to get Back with someone you already know and trust than set foot in the big wide world of strangers.

Easier, but not necessarily better.

HeroineChick Wed 19-Feb-14 01:08:18

"Never reheat old toast"

^^ Absolutely love that. Wise words, indeed.

Tenalady Wed 19-Feb-14 01:12:54

Hmmmm, reheat old toast. It has been 25 years, so surely both personalites will have grown and been moulded by their experiences. I wouldn't write it off as yet, Just try to remember why you left him before and see if those issues raise their head again before you jump in with two feet, Go ahead have your date, have fun with it. x

Terrortree Wed 19-Feb-14 01:22:29


Only with a gun pointing at my head. And even then I'd think carefully.

No. Just no.

<if we are taken over by the Handmaid's Tale-like Utopia right now this is my last post.>

goodenuffmum Wed 19-Feb-14 11:24:29

My H left almost a year ago and around the same time my first love popped up on facebook. He has made it clear that he is interested and makes a point of asking about me to my M who lives in the same town as him.

I was tempted, I'll admit it but if it worked 20 years ago I would still be with him now, so I've stopped replying to his 'hi ya' messages and am focusing on the future.

If you are really curious what about a coffee with him? I find that any ex I have bumped into fall short of the whimsical memories I have held of them. At least then you would know and not be left wondering 'what if...'

Lavenderhoney Wed 19-Feb-14 11:28:54

You can go for lunch as see how you feel. I don't see why not, its not as though he'll have his suitcase with him is it?smile

louby44 Wed 19-Feb-14 12:00:08

People change and time gives us new experiences and a different view of life.

25 years is a LONG time. I say go for it, what have you got to lose. If nothing else he could become a good friend.

I've been spending time with my exH - we split in 2006 (I've just split from my exP of 6 years in December ) and exH has been really supportive. He's been babysitting a bit for me and helping with stuff round the house, he also listens to me ramble on about my exP.

We've always stayed friends and we both know we still have feelings for each other. He's not the man I married all those years ago, our split made him become a better dad.

At the moment we're still friends and I'm very wary about it going any further, but who knows. Our DC would love if we got back together but we would have to be VERY sure about it first.

MadBusLady Wed 19-Feb-14 12:03:17

It sounds like you've suffered a lot and you are reacting against your perceived mistake (leaving bf for exH) by wanting to correct it literally. Maybe you feel this will undo some of the damage and get your life back on a parallel track that it should/could have been running on all this time?

This is not a healthy way forward. The fact that you are reacting to the prospect of lunch with confusion says a lot. If you're not careful you will panic yourself into 'falling in love' with him just as a way of easing your pain over your marriage.

But life isn't like that, no one steps into the same river twice, and while marrying an arsehole was in retrospect a mistake it's not necessarily the case that leaving the bf was a mistake.

By all means see how lunch goes, but I think ultimately new boyfriends are going to be a healthier and more exciting option.

pineapplecube Wed 19-Feb-14 19:31:58

Thank you lovely ladies for your kind and wise words.
We are having lunch next week and after reading your advice I will treat it as simply time spent with an old friend
And just see what happens

iamtoooldforallofthis Wed 19-Feb-14 19:41:21

i married a man i had gone out with when i was was very romantic...i was extremly happy but he wasnt and it didnt last long...i dont think i would do it again you arent the same may be compatible you may not be.....good luck x

inastew Sat 03-Sep-16 22:09:56


Agree you can go for lunch as see how you feel.
Meet for a coffee.
Have a chat online at least.

Don't be left always wondering "what if?".....

Often people regret the things they DON'T do rather than regret the things they did!

stupid123 Thu 03-Nov-16 15:55:15

Meet up for a coffee or lunch. Somewhere public and in daylight.
Why not.

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