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How on earth do you start again?

(5 Posts)
Effic Tue 18-Feb-14 15:52:07

Am 41 and left 15 year marriage six months ago. My decision - the marriage just died. Spent the first few weeks on a ridiculous high, just delighted with my new found freedom. My DS seemed to cope ok and despite being very upset, have managed to reach some sort of equilibrium with soon to be ex- h.
BUT......how on earth do I start again socially? One of the problems in my marriage was my husband's total lack of interest in any form of social life. Just wanted me, him and DS so we have literally NO friends. In 15 years, we have not been out to dinner or even a cup of coffee with anyone else. I have small circle of very good friends from before marriage and one or two from previous work - but they are all married. So......how on earth do I start again and meet people, let alone a potential new relationship? I am everyone's boss at work so that's a no-go socially. I can't bear the thought of Internet dating and people finding out which would be embarrassing job wise too, bars/clubs no good for meeting new folk, am at a bit of a loss. Feel like I will be on my own forever now .....

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 18-Feb-14 16:01:54

I think it pays to start with an interest. What do you do in your spare time? Find others that like doing the same thing - there's a website for everything - and you've instantly got something in common. Another angle is to pick up something from your early days. If you can't remember what your dreams were, ask people who knew you as a kid. Once you've met people that you connect with, make the effort to get to know them. Once you have more friends you'll find they have other friends, brothers, male co-workers and so your catch-net widens.... smile Somewhere along the way you may find a new partner but perhaps not. There's a lot to be said for being properly independent for a while. Enjoy the luxury.

louby44 Tue 18-Feb-14 16:15:23

Join a gym or a walking or running group. If you like reading, how about a book club, they often have them linked to local libraries.

A friend of mine also joined a choir recently and they go for a drink afterwards.

Blossomflowers Tue 18-Feb-14 16:23:00

Erric, I am single after being a relationship for 20 years, He was kind of my best friend ( well that how I saw it at the time) so like you rarely socialised on my own, Since kicking his sorry ass out, I have started to rebuild my life. Joined a camera club, going to gym oh and on line dating, it has been great fun, I used to feel like you about it but then thought what the hell and I am not embarrassed and don't care who knows now. How else am I going to meet people, working from home on my own. What about business clubs? Kill 2 birds with one stone, help with your business and meet like minded people.

herald Tue 18-Feb-14 22:30:37

I split with my exw last year and took lots of advise on meeting new people out of the joint friends group,

Cogito gave me lots of advise(thanks again),. I looked on meetup it's a site with lots of local groups covering all sorts of activities...walking,cycling,meeting,languages etc etc. I went walking with a group local to me and still do we also go on social events and I have made loads of new friends from all walks of life.

Dive in and give it ago , you won't regret it.

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