This evening my son is visiting me at home - my husband is away. I'm not sure how to handle the visit. I feel ashamed that it has got to this sorry situation. My son met his wife who he had know at school. He had only one other short relationship and spent most of his time playing computer games or buying cars. Not unusual - he did need a boot up the bum to get suitable work but we did what we could and bailed him out financially until he got a good job. His girlfriend had been married before and has 2 lovely little girls - she is quite moody though and bossy. Before my son never spent a lot of time with us or his brother often out or online with his mates - when he suddenly started turning up with girlfriend we were expected to stop and 'entertain' all a bit foreign to us with him! It became more regular, and as my husband worked away all week we would often plan to do stuff together but this would be curtailed by sudden visits. Which did get annoying as girlfriend would play on her phone, and we would play with the children. I decided that if I had plans I would carry on with them - this was seen as offensive by girlfriend. I had asked if they could phone before they came, but this was never done. My son sold his house which we had provided the deposit and moved in with girlfriend, we were invited to a birthday party of one of the girls but were not included in the conversation about weddings - so we chatted to grandparents and children - we paid a deposit on wedding venue as they asked for money. A few months later we had a call to visit them with her parents. I had a bad feeling about it and made an excuse, but my husband went. He was met with a torrent of abuse saying we don't respect said daughter. This really upset us lots of stuff was said none pleasant wedding was cancelled. Then out of the blue they said they were getting married my son came to tell us where and when - we were unsure about going to which son took as a no - next day we said we would go to the service but not reception as that would be awkward. But he had told girlfriend we weren't going - when he said we were she was very cross - so we didn't go.
Then we hear second hand that they are expecting a baby in 3 months time - our first grandchild. I haven't seen my son for over 6 months even though he lives in the same county - we have to prise the news from him- he rarely responds to txts and we mustn't phone him as now wife gets upset. Now baby is born - its been a month, and we still haven't seen him. We have gifts and friends keep asking us, but I have no news just one small photo sent to my phone.
There are two versions of this story of course, but this is how I see things. I am struggling with the pain of being left out of my sons life, my husband would love to see his grandson, but nothing seems to improve. We suggested family counselling, but this went down like a lead balloon. If I talk to my friends they offer so much sympathy and are so sorry for me it just doesn't feel constructive.
Any advice from people who have dealt with a similar situation would be so much appreciated.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Strained relationship with son - desperate
Nip1958 · 18/02/2014 13:14
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.