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Sibling relationship

(8 Posts)
larraine1978 Mon 17-Feb-14 18:19:47

My parents seperated in 1989 when I was 11 I have 3 other siblings from that relationship. My parents divorced and because I was not getting on with my mum I went to live with my Grandparents

Since then I have not had very much contact with my siblings the last time we were all together was 15 years ago at my Grandmithers funeral.

My mother was always controlling who could speak and see who and so I really lost contact.

My sister found me on facebook about 34 years ago she did send a message asking how I was and I sent one back updating her with what was going on in my life. I was hoping that after all this time we could have had a bit more contact or even met up but this has not hgappened. My sister married on Saturday I have seen on facebook. I am wondering about deleting her from facebook and getting on with my life but I know if I do that i might not get another chance of any form of contact I have not sent a messgae asking because I don't know what to say i don't want to cause any arguments
My own mother was very bad to me and when my first child was born before I had even got her home from hospital she said that i would never look after the baby and she would be taken away she 14 now and stiill with me. I would liek to get to know my family again but I dont want to hurt and wonder if it will be easier if i kept out.

larraine1978 Mon 17-Feb-14 18:23:32

Sorry she found me 3 or 4 years ago

Sortyourmakeupout Mon 17-Feb-14 19:39:54

Larraine, does your sister want a relationship with you also?

I take it you weren't invited to the wedding?

larraine1978 Mon 17-Feb-14 23:41:39

That is something that I don't know and I am finding it difficult to ask.

phoolani Mon 17-Feb-14 23:45:01

If you don't ask, you'll never know. How about congratulating her on her wedding and telling her you'd like to re-start contact? If she rejects you, at least then you can delete her and start putting it behind you. Otherwise, you're just keeping yourself in (unhappy) limbo.

DarlingGrace Tue 18-Feb-14 02:11:32

I think the key is to not have any expectations. You aren't brought up together, therefore you are just people who co-incidentally share the same parents.

To be a sibling, you need shared experiences and memories, which you don't have.

At best she will be come a good friend, at worst she remains a distant relative

maggiemight Tue 18-Feb-14 02:28:21

Can you make friends with your siblings without your DM being involved.
If she is in the circle then she will probably put a spanner in the works and try to stop the relationships, possibly from guilt about the past.

You could contact Sis and just say how lovely she looked at her wedding, and try to keep it like a friendship rather than a family relationship.

Weegiemum Tue 18-Feb-14 02:45:22

Try and do this, if you want to, without parents being involved.

I have a very distant relationship with my sister. I've been NC with our mother for almost 10 years (thankfully) but my sister has regular friendly contact (she didn't suffer the EA I did even though she's only 2 years younger than me). Neither of us have lived with our mother since we were 12 and 10 in 1983.

It's my sisters ongoing relationship with our mother that makes our relationship almost impossible. I'd love to be on good terms with the little sis I grew up with. Her DP, a fantastic woman with her own dc, wants it all to be normal but as long as mother is in the mix I just can't see it happening. My dd1 is good (online) friends with my sisters stepson - all very complicated.

But as long as my sister chooses her relationship with our mother, then that will be the priority. I can't criticise her for that, it's her family, her choice.

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