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Don't you find this odd?

(24 Posts)
lollylaughs Mon 17-Feb-14 11:15:41

My dh has been working away all week. He returned on Friday morning and went into the office for a few hours. As he had been away, he had to go in on Saturday to catch on some work. One of his female colleagues was messaging him from quite early on Saturday am regarding work related stuff that didn't bother me.

He called me from the office a few hours after he had got there, to say that she had messaged him to see if he wanted to go watch her child play football a little later that morning.

WTF! She knew he was at work, she knew he had been away from the family all week, and this is a weekend for heavens sake. Only he was invited, not me or our children. I have met her on a few occasions, she has had a few flings with some of the other men at their work. She is married but claims to be getting divorced.

Dh thinks it quite humorous as says I am over-reacting and it was just a kind gesture. I told him to open his eyes as its inappropriate to invite a married man to something like that (we don't even know and have never met her children or her husband). Just to add, I am not the jealous type normally, but this is just not on imo.

RyanGoslingsSecretWife Mon 17-Feb-14 11:17:57

Odd and completely inappropriate. Does he know her child? Has he been before?

LondonForTheWeekend Mon 17-Feb-14 11:19:58

Yup, all that cozy-up, 1-2-1 time is just make them speshul. You are right. He needs to get a grip and stop being so gormless.

shakinstevenslovechild Mon 17-Feb-14 11:21:49

This sounds like the sort of situation I get myself in, people tell me about their kids hobbies, I feign interest out of politeness then get invited to matches/shows/watch while the poor child is forced to sing in front of me.

It isn't that big a deal, she asked, he said no and told you about it.

lollylaughs Mon 17-Feb-14 11:21:50

Ryan No he has never met any of her family. He has never had any contact with her out of the office. Thank you, I also find it totally inappropriate but just needed to get another view as he seems to think it was just a kind invite.. hmm

Chocotrekkie Mon 17-Feb-14 11:22:04

It could be one of those spontaneous conversations - so they have been talking about work,
she says "oh have to take child to football in a minute - catch you Monday and well sort out that spreadsheet"
he says "have fun at football"
She says "come if you want".

I do this kind of thing all the time - then after think wtaf - I just invited my married boss to the cinema !!

If it was a calculated thing then yes a bit odd.

But seducing a married man at kids football when dressed in a hundred layers and muddy and windswept is going to be a challenge.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 17-Feb-14 11:23:54


Sortyourmakeupout Mon 17-Feb-14 11:25:02

Ask for her number and you call her to decline, letting her know he told you.

tell her he is taking you out for lunch as he has been away and then back home for dessert.

pinkfluffypoodleface Mon 17-Feb-14 11:25:16

Hmmmmmm a couple of things spring out at me tbh....

How do you know the early morning texts were non work related, is there a chance he was actually meeting her at the office? Are you taking his word for the content of the texts?

Did your dh go to watch the child?

Your dh is either minimising or clueless.

Why did you call you to tell you her request, was he checking with you to see if you minded?

pinkfluffypoodleface Mon 17-Feb-14 11:27:16

Why did your dh call you, sorry. I'm wondering whether he was asking your permission to go to the football, to have a giggle with you about it or to let you know other women are interested in him.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 17-Feb-14 11:28:40

That particular event has been and gone but I assume DH declined? I would talk this over with him in case she issues any further invitations. 'Kind gesture' for whom exactly?

Clutterbugsmum Mon 17-Feb-14 11:29:27

Sounds like she was sounding out your DH to be her next victim fling.

How did your DH reply.

scornedwoman67 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:30:06

Definitely not on. Whenever I am asking myself if I am being reasonable I always consider how I would feel in the other persons shoes. Ask him to tell you honestly how he would feel if it was the other way round.

lollylaughs Mon 17-Feb-14 11:30:50


They were work related as I did see some of them before he left that morning. He didn't go to watch the child, but she came into the office later that day while he was still there.

I am quite sure that nothing has happened between them, but I do not trust her at all, she has a bit of a reputation there.... I think he was shocked about the invite, hence him telling me. I was annoyed with him though, as his reply to her was "I'll see" rather than an outright 'No thanks"..

lollylaughs Mon 17-Feb-14 11:37:34

Yes, I think so too Clutter. Not wanting to drip feed here, but he recently got a very nice promotion so is now in a much higher position than her (where before they were same level). I am sure she is gunning for him now he is in senior management....

I think im going to 'drop in' to the office one day this week unannounced and refer to the game so that she knows that I know..

educationforlife Mon 17-Feb-14 11:45:28

I think I might be wondering why he gave the invitation so much importance that he needed to mention it and then laugh.
Could the promotion have gone to his head?
Who cares what she is or is not like - it is how he handles it that is what counts

MissScatterbrain Mon 17-Feb-14 12:43:05

Yes it is his behaviour that is key not her. I think it would be a good time to discuss boundaries and how he deals with her.

Its so easy for colleagues to cross lines until they end up having a full blown affair. Google Shirley Glass to look at her website.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 17-Feb-14 13:00:12

I am sure she is gunning for him now he is in senior management....

Do you mean, power is an aphrodisiac so she is making extra efforts to catch his eye.

Or, as educationforlife wonders, has DH let his promotion go to his head - power acts to lower inhibitions, much the same as alcohol does. At which point, internal regulators that hold a person back from daring or 'uncharateristic' behaviour diminish or disappear.

Nip this in the bud, OP.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 17-Feb-14 13:00:46


this is strange. if you were all good friends and it wasn't a colleague, then I think it would be a more comfortable situation wouldn't it?
I think you need to not jump on him at the moment keep an eye, and take some screen shots of conversations you come across, as I have noticed people say on here. It may be worth something for you in the future. I hope it's just nothing.

shey02 Mon 17-Feb-14 20:00:24

Do that Lolly and look fabulous and confident while you're at it. Talk to him about boundaries and keep a weather eye out.

Littlemissnutmeg Mon 17-Feb-14 20:04:02

Keep an eye on the bitch

sykadelic15 Tue 18-Feb-14 00:24:45

OP - your idea to pop by and mention it sounds like a good one. Like "Sorry we couldn't come to your sons game on the weekend. How's his team go?"

All very casual. She'll be all "ummm..."

longsigh Tue 18-Feb-14 08:24:58

What about trust your husband- if he's that weak that a woman can "lure" him away he's just not that into you !!

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