Any one of those in isolation would be enough to call it a day OP. Glad he's packed his bag and agree with the PP that you should make very sure he can't return, contacting the police 101 number and alerting their DV unit to back you up if necessary. Are you married? Have children? Have an income?
It's immaterial what excuse he gives you for leaving if he behaves the way you describe. I don't feel sorry for your children. In fact, I feel a great sense of relief that they don't have to live with a bully any more.
If you don't want him to come back, tell him he is not welcome.
Well he's hardly going to say he's leaving because of his own unreasonable behaviour, is he? He wants you to feel responsible for this because it makes you more compliant. So does shouting at you, throwing your stuff around, etc.
How quickly could you return to your home country?
Technically I could book flights now, but my DC is so happy at school here, I want to give them time to get used to the idea. The school that is in my catchment area in the UK is NOT in a nice area and has NOT got good Offsted report.
I have a few days without him here to clear my head and get a plan together. It's just too much to think about with all that is going on just now.
He's basically in a massive huff because I am standing up for myself (he is angry that I was upset that he worked late on V Day - he told me he was leaving early, and then rocked up at 12.30am). Really trivial and something that a normal person would say, god Im sorry, I was so stressed and busy at work and the time flew away with me. Instead he stormed off in a big huff because I was upset and its basically escalated from there.
Im worried for youngest DC who is quite challenging, and he seems to be taking it out on that child.
This is such a big fucking mess. I can't just let it go on, on the other hand though, the thought of returning home (Ive been away for a LONG time) and starting again as a single mother, with little to no work experience scares the living daylights out of me...
thanks for all your responses, I am thinking about what you are saying.
Enough is already way more than enough. It sounds utterly wretched and miserable OP. To not be allowed to express displeasure of any sort, while he feels completely entitled to express as much displeasure and anger as he feels like and does so frequently, is called emotional abuse. It is a dreadful way to treat someone.
Make plans to get him out of your life, and keep him out. x