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Update on me, my Mum and Sd over a year on

(5 Posts)
Itsallabout Sun 16-Feb-14 07:23:48

I have been wondering if to update after I received such support when I posted back in 2012/2013.

I tried to link to the previous posts but failed miserably. So briefly for those who remember, my Dm chose to stay to support my needy manipulative alcoholic Sd over supporting her Dd during intensive treatment for an incurable cancer.

Firstly, the most important news is that I am still in complete remission. We are all rather amazed and I continue to grow stronger every single day. I still think that it was Izzy's magic sprinkles that did it.

My Dm did come to visit a year ago and planned to stay for 5 weeks. It was a visit filled with emotion but mostly with stress. My Sd skyped every day crying and begging her to come home or threatening to commit suicide if she didn't.

A week before her trip was over, we received a phone call at 3am to say my Dsis had found Sd unconscious surrounded by empty vodka bottles and in piles of his own vomit, urine, blood and faeces. He was very ill in hospital and had written a note saying that bad things had happened and his wife needed to come home immediately. So Dm left distressed, feeling guilty and blamed herself for leaving him in the first place.

He was in hospital for 8 weeks with kidney failure, liver probs, infections and blood sugar issues caused by excessive drinking. He almost died several times but then made a miraculous recovery and felt he could only go home with Dm looking after him.

So now he has her where he always wanted her. She bathes him, cooks for him, moisturises his skin, pushes him around in a wheelchair and comforts through the nights when he cries. I must add that there is no longer any reason he needs constant care, he has no lasting probs except mild liver failure and has been discharged from all hospital specialists.

Dm is besotted with him and says how much she loves him, how she admires his strength in recovering, how nothing matters but him being alive and she has forgiven everything that went before.

It makes me sick. I refuse to speak of Sd and do not want to hear about how he is or how he must be feeling. I finally realised that he has won and I gave up trying to compete. My Dm is not the woman.I believed her to be and my rose tinted glasses have been removed for good. We still speak every few weeks or so but my expectations of her have gone, I cannot change her and I feel she can no longer cause me hurt. They deserve each other with their selfishness.

You all helped me so much and got me through such a difficult time.
Thank you.

ThePinkOcelot Sun 16-Feb-14 09:35:16

Hi OP, really pleased you're in remission and getting stronger. So sorry about your DM, but think you have taken the right stance on this, as hurtful as that may be.I think you need to continue thinking about you, and concentrating on you. Your DM seems like a lost cause . Thank you for the update xx

frazmum Sun 16-Feb-14 12:22:33

Like Pink I'm happy to hear you are in a better place physically. Please do this mentally as well and put your mum to the side. You're at a place in your life where you should be surrounded by positive vibes. Look to the future not the past.

Meerka Sun 16-Feb-14 12:37:14

very pleased to hear you're in remission ... very sorry to hear about your mother though. flowers She sounds as if she's been manipulated to hell and back and sacrificed everything that matters along the way.

I hope you continue to do well and have true friends who will be there for you

lunar1 Sun 16-Feb-14 12:44:32

I don't think I saw the original thread. So pleased for you that you are in remission. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did with your mum. I hope she escapes one day.

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