Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do you forget an Ex? I can't get past it.

(42 Posts)
SleepyDopeyGrumpy Sat 15-Feb-14 21:17:19

He treated me like.shit.
lied to me, cheated on me, let me down time and time again.
we broke up so many times and I always went back.
the last time we broke up I moved Hours away to try and heal but nothing's working.
I know he has moved.on, he's publicly flaunting his flings online so why can't I forget him?

JeanSeberg Sat 15-Feb-14 21:19:58

Block him on everything so you can't torture yourself.

Keep busy with friends and interests.

VoyageDeVerity Sat 15-Feb-14 21:22:21

Awful isn't it. I can't get over someone I had a very casual thing with. I have to see him in passing though and I think that makes things worse. Also just don't check FB it's torture.

SleepyDopeyGrumpy Sat 15-Feb-14 21:22:28

I have no hobbies or friends.
I had a breakdown and moved back in with my mum.
I live in the middle of nowhere, I don't drive.and I'm working terrible long hours trying to claw myself out of debt. my step dad.drives me to work everyday and I barely see my kids.

Logg1e Sat 15-Feb-14 21:24:11

Because the relationship was traumatic and consuming and took up so much of your thoughts and emotions for so long?

hamptoncourt Sat 15-Feb-14 21:24:38

Why can you see what he is doing online? Block him and anyone else who is linked to him. Moving hours away is pointless if you are looking at his facebook every day.

Once you are truly no contact with him you can start to work on yourself and instead of asking yourself why he did what he did ( it's cos he is a nasty shit) you can focus on asking yourself why you kept going back.

I suspect you have low self esteem so you need to do things that make you feel good about yourself. Treat yourself well and with kindness and eventually you will be over it. I know it isn't easy, I literally rocked back and forward with the pain from a break up but it was pivotal in me examining my dysfunctional childhood and making gigantic big changes in my life and the way I conduct myself and all my relationships.

Good luck.

SleepyDopeyGrumpy Sat 15-Feb-14 21:30:50

I don't have him on fb, he has a tumblr blog I try not to look but sometimes I cave to see if he misses me I can't block it on my phone. sometimes he deletes it but puts it back up again.

I joined a gym because I gained too much weight after leaving but nothing helps, I'm ill and I self harm and think about suicide nearly daily now. it just keeps getting worse. time is not healing it just shows me nobody wants me.

Rhythmisadancer Sat 15-Feb-14 21:31:37

Maybe you've hit bottom? Then the only way is up. Don't forget the ex - remember all the things you've learnt - treat it all as a "how not to" guide for next time round, and tell yourself that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! Trying to be helpful! xx

brokenhearted55a Sat 15-Feb-14 21:31:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rhythmisadancer Sat 15-Feb-14 21:34:14

X post - not trying to be glib. Sorry you're so down about this. Please try to give yourself some love.

JeanSeberg Sat 15-Feb-14 21:34:18

Well done for starting this thread OP. You will get a lot of support on here to help you turn your life into how you would like it to be.

Are you still receiving medical support?

SleepyDopeyGrumpy Sat 15-Feb-14 21:36:24

I don't get on with parents I can only go to gym when allowed, there are no busses.where I live. to sad to function sounds right. I'm at work right now but I want to cry. I can't do.anything except work and go home.and.wait to work again. I hate my job. I can't find another one.and can't move out with these wages and Hours. I miss me and my boys.

SleepyDopeyGrumpy Sat 15-Feb-14 21:39:04

Mum says I don't need support I should be grateful for having her house and just be happy. I can't go back on my pills because the.side effects would stop me from working.and I need to pay rent.

brokenhearted55a Sat 15-Feb-14 21:42:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum Sat 15-Feb-14 21:42:29

The only way is to see your own self worth and realise that you deserve better, that it wasn't your fault that he wasn't worthy of you.

There's no easy way to do that except trying to get out to live the life you want to live. It's hard to break the cycle though.

brokenhearted55a Sat 15-Feb-14 21:43:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabULouse Sat 15-Feb-14 21:45:30

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RandomMess Sat 15-Feb-14 21:48:33

I too think a huge problem is the situation you are now living in sad

NearTheWindmill Sat 15-Feb-14 21:49:12

My mum who's a wise old bird, married three times, told me once "you don't get over the last one until you meet the next one". I met The One 25 years ago - I still think of the two before him sometimes and when I met him I was determined there would never be another man in my life so I would never be hurt ever again. I never was.

SleepyDopeyGrumpy Sat 15-Feb-14 21:49:18

it's been 6 months, it just gets.worse I still love him, couldn't dream of being with anyone else. I don't.want to feel like this. his demons were the only ones that could love mine. nobody else.would want me I'm not.a good person I'm unattractive and jealous and needy. but he was broken too.

NearTheWindmill Sat 15-Feb-14 21:53:14

If you appreciate you are broken then you need to get help to get mended which you will and can do. When you are well again you will be able to meet someone who is not broken or who is completely recovered and who is able to look after you in a mutually caring relationship as you deserve.

When you are well again you will understand that you deserve much much better.

thanks

JeanSeberg Sat 15-Feb-14 21:53:39

General question to all - can WA help in a situation like this or is it intended for women dealing with abusive partners?

What organisations exist to help here?

FabULouse Sat 15-Feb-14 22:09:05

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SleepyDopeyGrumpy Sat 15-Feb-14 22:12:06

she won't stop me don't get me.wrong but I've been on them all before and just got worse and where I live now with them I don't think I would survive it. not until I'm back with my boys alone.

NearTheWindmill Sat 15-Feb-14 22:19:01

Hang on - having read back a bit - what do you mean "can only go to gym when allowed". You are a grown woman - providing you have child care and if you are working you should be able to pay for it - you can do what you like, when you like.

You need to see your GP and you need to access help. You need to contact social services and see if they will house you. You need medical help because you are not well and that is not your fault.

Can I ask OP, are your family Asian - this sounds a bit too controlling for a young woman in the UK? You poor love.

There is absoluty nothing wrong with you or the way you are and nothing you have done has made this happen. It has and you need love an support and clinical and social help to recover and you will.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now