about to tell DS we're splitting up...

[Elocampane]

handholding please?

he's 9, and I feel like we're going to rip his world apart

[NigellasDealer]

.....

[NigellasDealer]

poor kid. might he have any idea?

[RollerCola]

Oh gosh here's my hand, I did this last summer to my dd who was 11 and ds 7.

Dd cried hysterically for about an hour BUT has been completely fine about it ever since. No joking. It'll be one of the hardest things you'll ever do but please believe me he'll be absolutely fine.

Be honest, answer all his questions, show him you're happy if you can. Look forward to your new life. It's tough now but it gets better. Be strong you can do it.

[RollerCola]

Also, ds took it all completely in his stride. He's a bit younger than your ds but he's honestly been fine. Just keep talking and reassuring.

[Elocampane]

well, after quite a few silent tears, he's asked a few questions (who'll live where, who'll have custody of the cats etc.)

now he seems ok, has put a DVD on.

poor lamb

[MamaPingu]

Big hugs to you and your DS.

Keep in mind that obviously there is something wrong in your relationship, and that splitting up and moving on will be great for both you and your DS in the long run.

Splitting up is better than having him see you unhappy, so look to the future OP

[Minime85]

ah I feel your worry and upset over it all. stbexh and I did this in November last yr to 6 & 8 yr olds. good to have DVD to distract and bring some normality.

over coming weeks as things change DC may ask lots of questions and be sad about things like holidays and birthdays etc. be honest and reassuring about everything. lots of cuddles and some plans for you to do things together.

we took dds to their dad's new house together to look around and were very mindful of their feelings in not rushing them to stay over so if you can completely go with what your DC wants to do.

youngest of my DDS lots of tears and questions really up til Christmas but then after that doesn't really mention it. seem to have accepted that's how it is.

good luck. things do get better, I've found, so far anyway, my DDS have dealt with it much more smoothly and acceptingly than I have

[RollerCola]

How's he been today OP?

[Joysmum]

Hope things are ok today OP.

[Elocampane]

thank you all so much for your hand-holding

He's been fine, has asked a few questions about where we'll live, if he'll have to change schools, etc. but no more tears.
I suppose when things start to happen (selling house, H moving out) he might have rocky times, but he's a good kid, and has excellent support from my family.

[RollerCola]

That's great news, I was wondering how you were. It amazes me how easily they seem to accept change - it's far harder for us adults isn't it?!

My advice is just to be very open, keep talking and answering questions, but try not to be negative in any way about your ex. He'll always be his father and despite what you and he have been through just try to keep a brave smile on when talking to your ds about him.

This is what's working for us and while I'd prefer not to see or speak to my ex I do, for the dcs sake and I think they appreciate it.

Good luck

[Minime85]

100% echo rollercola's advice

[Elocampane]

he's still doing ok, except mentioned to my mum that he hopes H & I don't get girlfriends / boyfriends he doesn't like.

And anyway he'd rather just have the mum & dad he's got....

[DivorceGoddess]

Hey sorry to hear about your split, try and stay as amicable as you can - for all of us it was the best and least stressful route for the kids.

Try Mediation and try to remember and its really hard sometimes, to be the biggest hearted generous person you can be! :) Am on the blog list about this stuff if it helps x

[Elocampane]

thanks divorcegoddess, can you link to it please - on phone so not too easy to find stuff