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He's 'your son'! Step parents and children

(10 Posts)
Doubtfuldaphne Sat 15-Feb-14 16:51:50

Ds has been spending way too much time on the computer and although i agree he does, I think it's up to the parents to find other activities for him to do instead of just banning it and leaving ds feeling lost
Dh thinks ds should find his own entertainment as he used to. We've recently moved house so ds doesn't have his friends around to hang out with anymore so I appreciate its tough for him.
Dh just found that I'd let ds on computer when dh had already banned it for the afternoon and evening. He's really angry! He said to me, ds is a social misfit and is incapable of finding any else to do.
I explained he had friends before the move and it's up to us to help him find things to do
Dh just got more angry and said 'well he's YOUR son do what you want'
I am so hurt by this. We are a family. This sort of talk is horrible. I don't know what to do or say.

Joysmum Sat 15-Feb-14 16:55:25

You've undermined him, of course he's going to be upset. It's up to you to be proactive and if your sin needs help settling, you need to make it happen.

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Feb-14 16:59:43

I'm not surprised he's angry

Undermining him is hardly likely to make him feel as though your son is his also, is it?

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Feb-14 17:00:01

*his son

Doubtfuldaphne Sat 15-Feb-14 17:06:09

You've got a good point there. I shouldn't have undermined him. Oh dear!

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Feb-14 17:12:47

I do agree that he needs some sort of other interests

How old is he?

Are there any local activity clubs that interest him?

Lweji Sat 15-Feb-14 17:13:46

Also I totally disagree with this:

I think it's up to the parents to find other activities for him to do instead of just banning it and leaving ds feeling lost

children should be able to think of their own activities to do.
I've done this with DS and within minutes he was playing with toys he hadn't touched in ages. These days he mostly ends up playing football in the corridor, but if children are let lose it's much better for them.

Lweji Sat 15-Feb-14 17:15:52

And it shouldn't be an excuse. Why didn't you suggest things for him to do?

DS is in activities after school and it has helped him socialise.

HairyGrotter Sat 15-Feb-14 17:17:34

You undermined him, if you want to be equal, you must support each other. It can be difficult but you can't just ignore the boundaries. You want him to be 'dad' but not allowing him a day

WhateverTrevor83 Sun 16-Feb-14 12:18:51

He is your son. So he shouldn't be banning your DS' stuff - sorry don't agree with this undermining stuff.

The poor little sod has moved away from his mates and now his step dad is telling him he can't go on his computer/tablet thing - and is shouting at you!? Great!

Sounds like your DS needs a cuddle and some fresh air and you and DH need to agree that banning stuff isn't helpful, maybe you could encourage him to get out and make new friends - is there anything going on locally that would mean he'd be mixing with new faces?

Think DH is probably well intentioned but when I was a kid my stepmum never took stuff off me or told me off etc without dad being involved.

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