My 20 year marriage broke down last year and having had 7 months of fear, anger, hurt, more anger, sadness, even more anger and finally acceptance, I've had a light bulb moment.
I sabotaged my marriage without realising it because of my low self esteem. I realise now that I expected my XH to 'fix' me, blamed him for so many things, used refusal for sex as a weapon, even when he told me he loved me.
I made him miserable because I was miserable, dragged up the past all the time and didn't live in the present moment.
I always thought I was never good enough for him, he would cheat or leave. I couldn't bear to look at myself so didn't want him to look at me either. And even when he still fancied me I didn't believe it.
So now I sit here and wonder if I've left it too late to attempt to try again?
XH has said he doesn't want to hurt anymore and I understand that now, just wish the fuck I'd realised what I doing before it was too late
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Relationships
I sabotaged my marriage :(
Lozislovely · 15/02/2014 12:47
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