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So lonely and sad

(24 Posts)
movingonishard Sat 15-Feb-14 11:47:05

Brief history. Split up with ex 2 years ago, have am 8 year old son. Both parents passed away and 2 of myst best friends moved have moved a long distance away.

I go out with friends some weekends, have tried dating dating sites, try to keep myself busy but just long for soneone special to be in my life. I even look forward to seeing ex when he picks up my son, even though he hardly says anything and clearly has no interest in me. I sometimes feel if it weren't for my son, there'd be no point in living sad

smorticus Sat 15-Feb-14 11:55:03

Can you join any clubs? Reading, dancing, crafts etc to help you meet new people in the area.
A friend of mine recently joined her local WI and I'm going along with her next week. It is no longer for "older" women!!
Being lonely is horrible, I sympathise with you as when dd was born I lived away and knew no one in my area.

movingonishard Sat 15-Feb-14 11:59:25

Thanks for the suggestion. It's just so hard for me to join anything as ds is with me most of the time and i have no one to babysit and can't afford to pay a babysitter. I didn't realise how lonely i would feel when i decided to divorce xh, and hadn't realised it would be so hard to meet someone new. I'm looking for a part time job which i hope might help. I work at hom atm which is alos isolating

MadeMan Sat 15-Feb-14 12:07:13

Getting a part time/day job while your son is at school could be a good idea and give you a chance for a bit of socialising; as well as some extra cash. Try your local supermarket for work; the women working in my local Sainsbury's at lunchtime seem to get on well with each other and have some banter.

Rightallalong Sat 15-Feb-14 12:09:24

movingonishard I think the new job will be a great tonic.

I know married people who find working alone at home hard so I'm not sure you shouldn't feel the same way.

Just the drudge of the commute can at least keep you in a routine, so I'd say the job is good because you'll leave the house more.

Good luck. I imagine I'm going to feel exactly the same in the coming months and years.

movingonishard Sat 15-Feb-14 12:13:03

Thanks for the responses, I appreciate it smile Yes, I will keep looking out for school hours jobs and apply for as many as possible!

smorticus Sat 15-Feb-14 12:13:30

A part-time job is a great idea as will get you some much needed adult conversation.
Is there any parenting clubs around you? I know your son is older but near me there are friendship clubs that meet once a week for parents in your exact situation. The kids play /chill out whilst the parents chat, drink tea etc.

movingonishard Sat 15-Feb-14 12:22:38

Ive had a look around for things to jon, but doesn't seem to be anything in my area

handfulofcottonbuds Sat 15-Feb-14 12:28:04

moving - I'm so sorry for your losses flowers

Have you tried your local Children's Centre? They should have lots of parent/child groups or can provide you with a list of groups suitable for your DS's age.

Is there an after school club at your DS's school that you could perhaps volunteer at?

Do you chat with Mums at school? Could you ask one or two for coffee after the school drop off?

movingonishard Sat 15-Feb-14 12:31:29

Thanks cottonbuds.

Everthing seems to be for younger children tbh. Hardly see any mums to chat to as everyone is in such a rush

handfulofcottonbuds Sat 15-Feb-14 12:41:16

I used to get to the school quite early, there are always some Mums who do the same, and we used to chat for ages before school. If there's a school event coming up or a letter that has been sent home, it's much easier to start a conversation about that.

I know they are all in a rush once the DCs go in but maybe beforehand you might find Mums more willing to stop and chat.

I also think that volunteering is a great way to meet people and help you feel good while your DS is at school, even for an hour, and while you're looking for that part time job.

It is very isolating working from home but it won't always be that way for you. You sound like you're just stuck in a rut and are willing to make some changes for the benefit of you and your DS.

movingonishard Sat 15-Feb-14 12:55:10

Yes, getting to school ealry is a good idea, thanks smile Hopefully I'll find some friendly faces...

handfulofcottonbuds Sat 15-Feb-14 12:59:46

Sorry - me again!

Have you looked on your local MN site? There might be some things going on there or Mums on here who live local to you.

My local site is a bit rubbish, I don't think anyone on here lives close to me.

movingonishard Sat 15-Feb-14 13:46:55

I had a look last year and there was nothing, but I'll have anoter look - thank you smile

Doha Sat 15-Feb-14 20:52:33

Can you give us your approx location --there may be other MNers here in the same boat

louby44 Sat 15-Feb-14 21:14:12

Does your DS school have a PTFA that you could join in with and help to organise school events? This is a good way of meeting other mums?

nerofiend Sun 16-Feb-14 12:55:03

I find as I grow older that putting yourself out there to meet new people takes a lot of effort and energy and when you have children, both are scarce.

Part time work and joining clubs or classes are a great way to get to interact more with people.

But learning to be happy and fulfilled when you're alone is also something we should try more. There's a lot of emphasis in connectivity and being in a group environment at the moment, especially with so much social networking and people leading very busy lives.

The reality is that people are becoming more lonely than ever these days, and human relations are getting very complicated, even friendship.

Give yourself time to be on own, OP, go and meet people if you really feel like it but don't pressure yourself. The most natural way to meet new friends is when we're happy to be by ourselves. Ironic, I know.

DogsDontFly Sun 16-Feb-14 13:02:59

agree with doha, there are probably more of us reading this post and feeling the same, than you realise.

movingonishard Sun 16-Feb-14 15:21:04

Hi, Thanks for your responses. Yes the school does have a pta but the meetings, etc are usually in the evenings so ds is with me, that that rules that out.

Feeling so terribly sad today sad

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 16-Feb-14 16:00:08

Could you bear to register again for online dating? Nothing complicated just talking to adults and maybe meet up, enjoy each other's company.

Or, if moving is viable any chance you can move somewhere else? (Within distance of your ex so he can still see DS). I know it sounds like running away but your DS is more likely to settle somewhere before secondary school. If you're becoming depressed I don't think it's something you should discount.

Your DS's school is probably your easiest way to get to know people, enquire about fundraising or projects needing parental input. As well as voluntary work perhaps you look at Stich'nBitch.org and put in your area, see if there's a group near you, different times of day and evening so you won't always need a babysitter.

nkf Sun 16-Feb-14 16:02:47

Someone used to post on here abou an organisation called something like single parent holidays. I looked into it and it seemed quite nice. More women than men obviously, but not everything was expensive. Sometimes it was just big rounders games in the park. I didn't pursue it, but sometimes I wish I had.

Jess03 Sun 16-Feb-14 16:29:27

Considered a dog? I know it sounds silly but I get stopped a lot by people to chat about my dog and he's great company, dh travels a fair bit. Great for dc too. You tend to see familiar faces at the park often and if you tend to be a bit down as I do, it gets you out every day.

movingonishard Sun 16-Feb-14 16:45:16

Thanks again for the responses - I really appreciate it smile

I'm still on the dating site just not had much luck...

I'm not really sure what moving would achieve really, just the same problems in another town.
Yes, I've heard dog ownership can be quite sociable but I'm allergic to them!!!

Jess03 Sun 16-Feb-14 16:59:54

That's a shame and cats too I expect? Cats don't get you out much though. What about volunteering at ds's school or at a charity shop? While looking for a job those things can help you establish more of a network. It may also be worth posting on the mh board about staying positive/depression.

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