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What do you do when you think a friend may have a thing for you?

(3 Posts)
PiratePanda Sat 15-Feb-14 09:55:26

Context - I'm happily married with one DC. I have a dear male friend whomU've known forever and who has seen me through thick and thin - and with whom there has never been any spark of attraction between us, and I mean never ever.

That's still true from my perspective; I love him to pieces but no attraction whatsoever.

We occasionally go to events together that our spouses aren't interested in (boring things like lectures, not dinner dates!) and meet up for coffee once a month or so.

In the past few months he's been inviting me to a lot more things and texting more than usual. Again, nothing romantic. But I'm beginning to wonder whether he's developed a bit of a thing for me.

What should I do, if anything? I like his friendship and am completely secure in my marriage, and his feelings for me (if they exist) are not reciprocated. But I also don't want to give him the wrong idea - and at the same time I want to keep our friendship as it is.

Should I just ignore it and hope it goes away of its own accord?

More context - he's also married with one DC. They're like chalk and cheese but have been married for 20 years and to everyone else's knowledge without problems.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 15-Feb-14 10:20:06

First thing is that of course he has a thing for you. Probably always has. So far he's been happy to worship from afar and pretend to do the platonic thing but something's changed. Maybe the chalk and cheese marriage isn't as rosy as you think? The friendship cannot therefore stay as it is. You either have to have a word with him and tell him you're uncomfortable with all the extra contact or you have to distance yourself and discourage him.

PiratePanda Sat 15-Feb-14 11:17:59

:-( he probably does, doesn't he.

TBH I've always wondered how on earth they've stayed together given they have literally nothing in common, but they do seem to live very well together with no major conflicts. But then who really knows what goes on in other people's marriages.

So far I've been dealing with it by completely ignoring the extra invitations and texts. And in my experience, once you put emotions into words it makes them real and bigger and stronger than ever. I'm reluctant to bring whatever feelings he might have into the real world by naming them, and thus inflaming them.

Maybe I should wait and see if he makes an actual move.

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