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Is this a friendly sensible arrangement or cause for concern?

(27 Posts)
Mojang Sat 15-Feb-14 08:10:53

I am something of an exercise addict. I run, a lot, race and a do a lot of classes at the gym (can't bear the gym itself!)

Races are quite social things and I bump into the same people at a lot of them. The gym is the same, a lot of the people doing Pilates etc are runners.

There's a man I often see at races and in classes. We say hello and compare notes about a race we both did at the weekend but nothing more. He's quite quiet/shy and so am I. Although friendly, the conversation has never progressed despite seeing him c. 3 times a week for at least a year. e.g. I have no idea what he does for a living or if he is married/has DC.

In a couple of weeks time we are both entered for gruelling 15 miles cross country. It's about an hour's drive from home and he has offered me a lift. That makes perfect sense, we get to share the cost/save the environment, organisers ask for car sharing where possible as parking is limited and TBH it would be nice not to have to drive my exhausted self home, but:

- I don't know him
- I have no idea what we'll talk about
- He's significantly quicker than I am, so he'll have to wait for me to finish, but he knows that
- I will be completely stranded if something goes wrong
- It feels a bit odd, I have no idea why and suspect it may be me?

Lweji Sat 15-Feb-14 08:16:36

So other people know him and what do they think of him?

Has his behaviour made you uneasy at any time previously?

Could you offer him a lift instead, so you're not left stranded?

Get to know him better while giving excuses not to accept his lift right away?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 15-Feb-14 08:17:18

Sounds like now is the perfect time to find out more about him, get a phone number or two, an address etc. You've met him 3 x a week for a year. Does he have any hint of 'axe murderer' about him at all?

JabberJabberJay Sat 15-Feb-14 08:20:17

It sounds like a perfectly sensible plan on paper.

BUT if you feel uneasy about it don't do it. Always trust your instincts when getting into a car with a man you don't know.

buttonortwo Sat 15-Feb-14 08:21:45

Is there anyone else from the gym who could join you both?

FadBook Sat 15-Feb-14 08:27:08

It's a perfect opportunity to meet for a coffee to talk about the details in the day, eg meeting points, what to do if there's an emergency.

If he's offered and is normally shy, it sounds like he wants to get to know you.

Have you swapped numbers or emails?

Mojang Sat 15-Feb-14 08:32:25

When I say we've met 3 time a week many of those have been a nod across the room at the start of a class. We don't seek each other out for a chat but will be friendly if we happen to be walking across the carpark together IYSWIM

No axe murderer vibes but there is something He's a bit of a loner maybe. Most runners compete in clubs/groups but he's usually alone at races. A good runner but doesn't belong to a club, which is unusual but not unique

No-one else to join us. There's a road HM on the same day, closer to home, so most "normal" runners are doing that grin

No e-mail/phone number - I don't even know his surname

Mojang Sat 15-Feb-14 08:38:28

AFAIK there's no-one at the gym who knows him better than I do.

altogetherwonderful Sat 15-Feb-14 08:42:56

I wouldn't - your gut instinct is saying no.

Just say you've made other arrangements for after the race etc

Just because he's shy doesn't make him harmless. Got to watch the quiet ones too

Lweji Sat 15-Feb-14 09:05:14

I didn't read it properly and didn't realise it was only for one race.
In that case don't accept it. But do it gracefully.

BelleateSebastian Sat 15-Feb-14 09:43:48

Do you fancy him? do you think he fancies you? are you both single?

ageofgrandillusion Sat 15-Feb-14 09:44:52

Why not hedge your bets OP. Take the lift but have a little flick-knife somewhere on you - just in case.

amistillsexy Sat 15-Feb-14 09:50:09

if you're worrying that he might leave you stranded, why not offer to use your car, that way you're in charge of when you.leave, etc. if he makes you feel at all uncomfortable, say thanks but no thanks, as you've been invited to a friend's house after the race.

JohnFarleysRuskin Sat 15-Feb-14 09:51:42

I can't see a cause for concern but if you do, you do...

WhoNickedMyName Sat 15-Feb-14 09:56:52

Why've you posted this in relationships? Do you fancy him? Do you think he fancies you?

I don't get the dilemma here. Am i missing something? You're not entirely comfortable with accepting a lift, so don't.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 15-Feb-14 10:28:03

I wouldn't want to accept an hour's lift each way, with waiting time, from someone I hardly knew for several reasons. "He might be dangerous" comes near the bottom of the list. Most of the rest would apply equally to a woman. To add to your list above, they might be a really, really lousy driver! And I'd really hate to make someone have to wait around for me (assuming they don't let me down) - it would definitely put me off my stride to think "I must hurry up, I don't want to make the driver wait around in the cold and wet".

And then there'd be the feeling of being obliged to them for ever after. Maybe you'll make a lifelong friend, but maybe they just won't be your sort of person but you can't brush them off too firmly because they did you that big favour that time...

Or maybe I just overthink these things.

GilmoursPillow Sat 15-Feb-14 13:12:41

FGS no, don't carry a weapon, even a flick knife! Supposing (and I'm not saying this is the case) things turn nasty, the weapon you choose to defend yourself can very easily turn into the weapon that he hurts you with (unless you're a martial arts expert and even then, I'm not sure of the legalities).

If you're in any doubt choose not to go over carrying a weapon.

I can't say whether there's anything sinister or whether he's just an introvert trying to get to know you better, but if you'd like to get to know HIM better I hope you can find the chance before the event.

GarlicReverses Sat 15-Feb-14 13:53:31

Would I choose to spend an hour locked in a metal box, alone with someone about whom I knew nothing whatsoever, except that he's a fast runner?


GarlicReverses Sat 15-Feb-14 13:57:00

... I'd better add to that blush

If he's a reasonable man, he'll be sympathetic to requests for (verifiable) information, such as name & contact info, and a coffee or something beforehand. You can actually say this is out of concern for safety.

If you don't feel you can, or you can but he withholds, then it's a big fat No. Likewise if you go for the coffee and feel he's creepy.

Lavenderhoney Sat 15-Feb-14 20:46:57

See if there is anyone else who will car share with you, if tge organisers of the race have asked, have they done anything to help race runners get together?

How much does he want fur petrol? If it feels odd don't, but he could just be being nice,

MamaPingu Sat 15-Feb-14 20:55:15

Try meet beforehand with him, or make an extra effort to talk regularly until the event?

To me it sounds as though he may fancy you or think you could be friends and thought of it as an excuse to get to know you properly.

Poppylovescheese Sat 15-Feb-14 21:29:18

Personally as you know so little about him I wouldn't.

jessjessjess Sun 16-Feb-14 10:49:39

Trust your instincts. It feels a bit odd. Listen to that.

Charlie97 Sun 16-Feb-14 13:16:12

I cannot see any reason why you would not take a very generous offer of a lift!

The guy has listened to the organisers, saying that there is minimum parking etc, done the decent thing and offered a lift.

He is happy to wait, with I am sure no ulterior motive other than helping a like minded runner out.

You see this guy 3 times per week, he is obviously a dedicated fitness person, he has not sprung up out of nowhere, he shares the same interest and is offering to share his car. Very kind of him.

You may find him "boring" on the journey or he may find you "boring" but it's only a few hours our of your life, just the same as it's a few hours our of his.

Maybe, I am being naive, but I really do not see what the poor guy has done wrong.

dreamingbohemian Sun 16-Feb-14 13:30:44

Trust your instincts and say no.

I can't even tell you how many times I've had that niggling feeling about someone, and eventually it turns out yes, there is something really wrong with them.

We tend to be socialised to think: well if there isn't an obvious reason then it would be rude to not trust a man.

But you don't need a reason and nobody automatically deserves your trust.

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