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How do you tell someone it's over?

(18 Posts)
Vickiyumyum Fri 14-Feb-14 17:48:22

Just that really

I'm fed up of walking on eggshells around dp. He's not violent or abusive but he's really moody. You just never know what mood he will be in.

I took yesterday off work to look after ds who's ill and he took today off work to look after in fact he kept at it and was all for having a day off.

This morning I go to work. A few texts back and forth just general stuff. He says dd is fine. She's got a bad cold/flu so not vomiting or anything. Anyway I get home go to give him a kiss and give him his valentines card. He literally snatched it off me and his body position was so that I couldn't kiss him. I walked through to the kitchen to put the shopping away and he starts ranting about how I'd not noticed he'd done the housework. Well a) he never acknowledges any housework I do b) I'd literally walked through the door 1 minute before. I'd not haas chance to notice.

It's like this most days. It's just unbearable and I'm pretty sure I don't want to put up with it. I'm 37 youngest dc is 4. I'm sure I can manage on my own. Finances would be tight but surely not living under this cloud has got to be an improvement?

SoleSource Fri 14-Feb-14 17:53:38

The longer you stay with this man, the worse you will feel. Just tell him that he and moods are not wanted anymore and that you can no longer stand them. This is no way to live. You need to feel better about yourself and that won't happen if he stays. He will never change as he doesn't respect you enough.

I think you sound healthier than he is and I am glad you have come to the right decision.

Ask him to leave as soon as possible. Life is too short for that shit.

Feckssake Fri 14-Feb-14 17:57:01

Absa-tutely. You've made the decision, the only thing left to do is follow through. When in similar situations, I tell myself that the sooner I've done it, the sooner I get to the not-shit part on the other side of the telling. I find it very effective. Or I offer myself an inducement, like a gin and tonic, as soon as I've done the deed. Also very effective. wink

Vickiyumyum Fri 14-Feb-14 17:57:07

Thanks sole. That makes a lot of sense. Happy valentines day hey!

SoleSource Sat 15-Feb-14 13:42:25

How do you feel today and how was yesterday?

Meh @ Valentine's day smile

SolidGoldBrass Sat 15-Feb-14 13:45:40

Well, first get your strategy sorted. Who will leave - you with the DC, or him? WHo owns the house/has their name on the rental agreement? How will your finances work?
If, for instance, he refuses to accept that he's dumped or refuses to leave the family home (if it's in his name, he can't be forced to go unless he's actually been aggressive) what will you do?

I'm not saying stay with him, he sounds a total cock, just make sure you have it all planned out before doing the dumping.

Vickiyumyum Sun 16-Feb-14 16:29:02

He's refusing to leave. It's my name on the rental agreement. The dc aren't his. So in theory it's a straightforward just go but he says I'm just stressed and cranky and I don't mean it.

Luckily dc have been at their dad's this weekend so was hoping he'd have gone by the time they came home.

He thinks my reasons aren't valid for ending the relationship. He's not lived here very long as I've been keen to maintain my independence. I gave in and since he moved in it hasn't been right. I do think maybe I'm too used to being independent to allow anyone else any kind of control with regards to the house.

Will have another chat now and explain I'm not going to change my mind.

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 16-Feb-14 16:33:35

Vicky, do not have a chat! This is not "chat" material. Tell him the relationship is over and he needs to pack up and leave NOW.

TheCatThatSmiled Sun 16-Feb-14 16:37:41

Tell him he has a choice. He leaves now under his own steam, or he leaves later - with assistance ...

WarmFuzzyFuture Sun 16-Feb-14 16:52:10

It is not up for negotiation! You have decided you don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. A relationship can only continue with the agreement of both parties.

It's over, he needs to go. As Cat said 'under his own steam, or ...with assistance'

VivienStanshall Sun 16-Feb-14 16:58:52

When you feel like you're treading on eggshells all the time it's just miserable, I eventually left my ex (I'm a bloke) for the exact same reason, one year of always having to be careful what I said or did for fear of yet another mood or explosion. It's living half a life.

I go with what TheCat said.

Vickiyumyum Sun 16-Feb-14 17:52:51

Ok I've told him in no uncertain terms it's over. Apparently I'll be begging him to come back within a week!

He's packing. I'm not sure where he'll go I do feel a bit bad as he have up his flat to move in here and so will have to go to friends or a hotel temporarily.

Logg1e Sun 16-Feb-14 17:55:14

It's natural to feel sorry for him, but just reread your first post.

Vickiyumyum Sun 16-Feb-14 19:25:25

It'll feel weird. He's waiting for a lift (he doesn't drive) but yes I just need to remind myself the reason I split from my husband was the moodiness to the point I never let the dc have friends round as if he came home early the sulking and moods would last for days. So I don't want to go through that again. I just feel bad that the dc had got used to him knew him and now he's gone. It's so hard to know what's best when your single with dc. I'm so careful not to traipse lots of men into their life but have has two serious relationships in 4 years this was the first to move in and be a proper part of our daily lives. So sad that it's ended this way. I'm getting the silent treatment but at least it's not rowing and tears as the dc are home now.

SolidGoldBrass Mon 17-Feb-14 01:27:04

Great, you are in an excellent position legally. If he won't go, you can actually call the police to come and put him out, and lock the door against him.

And you never have to see or speak to him again as he isn't DC's father. You can ignore any texts or phone calls, refuse to answer the door if he turns up (and call the police again if he causes a disturbance.

You're doing the right thing. It's fine to end a relationship with a man who won't behave himself. Well done.

Vickiyumyum Mon 17-Feb-14 14:30:29

Well he left, thanks for encouraging me and reinforcing I did the right thing.

I had high hopes for the relationship, no more children or anything like that but he seemed like a good dependable man. I have a teenager and a pre teen, and two girls to go through teenage years yet, there will be enough moodiness in the house without adding to it.

one text today saying he would still take me back if I changed my mind. that's good of him lol. Got a locksmith coming over this evening just in case, I doubt he would move himself back in but id feel happier knowing no one else except me the dc and the landlady have a key.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 17-Feb-14 16:10:41

Well done

Vickiyumyum Mon 17-Feb-14 18:28:48

Locks changed stupidly hadn't thought it would be that expensive eeek. Got to get keys cut and give the landlady one and let her know he's moved out. Luckily I'd asked for 6 months grace before adding him to the tenancy.

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