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Sat at the clap clinic

(26 Posts)
Rightallalong Fri 14-Feb-14 12:20:10

This is great hey? His crisis, his affair and I'm sat here!

Half term next week means today it is. He's back from business trip next week.

Anyone any ideas if the results are horrific?

I chose today to make sure I remember just what I was doing on Valentine's Day and never waver on turning back.

But the queue is massive and I'm tempted to bloody run....

PeterParkerSays Fri 14-Feb-14 12:25:41

Stay there. You know you need the answer to this.

Hand holding.

bragmatic Fri 14-Feb-14 12:26:05

Hi. Sorry you have to go through this. I hope you get the all clear. How long to get the results?

CQ Fri 14-Feb-14 12:26:27

Stay strong. Hand holding.


NMFP Fri 14-Feb-14 12:28:58

So he's getting himself checked as well?

Rightallalong Fri 14-Feb-14 12:30:06

Thanks - am such a wuss, nearly passed out with fear.

Scary shit. He has brought me here. I hate him.

He's all cocky that it'll come back clear! She's a Hindu and hasn't put out yet apparently!

Do I believe him? No. No I don't.

Rightallalong Fri 14-Feb-14 12:31:17

NMFP - he's out of the country but clearly has no intention.

I can't live worrying so I have to do it for me. But am tempted to run away fast!!!

gamerchick Fri 14-Feb-14 12:36:55

don't run. I go every couple of years just to get my bits checked and make sure they're healthy. Just see it as a checkup - a bit like going to the dentists.

I did catch something once and it was sorted out really quick.. try not to stress about it too much. Then at least you know you're clear.

I hope you're getting rid of your dude.. prick!

Rightallalong Fri 14-Feb-14 13:02:32

He really is a f*cking knob.

I'm having to deal with everything since he lobbed in a hand grenade with no thought for our DS who has heard and seen all sorts of shit from him since.

I'm sick of trying to save their relationship for DS's sake.

After the last 48 hours I've realised he's likely a pathological liar.

He denied something he'd sent to me in a text message yesterday, and told me I'd imagined something he'd said in front of our Son which I know he said! Is he gas-lighting or just a mentalist? I actually can't tell but he terrifies me his behaviour is so crap!

I can't believe I was with him for so long. I just didn't truly see it coming and of course, he's repeated 'the script' verbatim so far. It's all down to our loveless life - he was boffing me all over Christmas and before she turned his head he was gushing about how much he loved me.

Total nasty git! Still waiting. Not sure about results

kentishgirl Fri 14-Feb-14 13:04:13

You'll be fine, hang in there.

I had to do the same thing a couple of years ago. He also claimed he hadn't actually had sex with the other woman. Not worth risking your life and health over - he's lied to you in enough ways already, he's probably lying to you about that too.

It's not so bad. Yes, embarrassing, but the staff were very nice and sympathetic to me, and it was all over very quickly and ok really.

It'll be a relief when you get the all clear. If you don't, well, then you'll get any treatment you need. Nothing to be ashamed of.

P.S. ex knew I was going and made the mistake of asking me how it went. I told him in huge graphic detail every question they asked me and everything they did, laying it on a bit thick, and it was somewhat satisfying to watch him squirm guiltily.

ToughSpuds Fri 14-Feb-14 13:08:07

It's best to follow your gut and get checked out. Do not run away - if you do have something it will get worse if not treated. Imagine if that ass also gave you something that could potentially make you infertile if untreated?

Hand holding too. As soon as you get the results you can put all that nasty business behind you.

Stockhausen Fri 14-Feb-14 13:19:35

Hope it's all over soon. You sound very strong! Hope next v-day is memorable for happier reasons thanks

bragmatic Fri 14-Feb-14 13:35:05

Yeah. I hope this time next year you'll be happy with your new life and today is a distant memory.

Fairylea Fri 14-Feb-14 13:37:27

Hope the results are all clear for you. What a Knob he is! Hopefully you can move on with a clean slate.

Logg1e Fri 14-Feb-14 13:38:02

(I'd be tempted to make something up, even if it does come clear. You don't need to give details, just tell him he better get them both to the clinic too).

SeptemberFlowers Fri 14-Feb-14 15:22:22

I would too, because I would be raging and revengeful like that blush

Rightallalong Fri 14-Feb-14 17:58:59

Haha :-D
Thanks everyone. My afternoon was shite and got worse. Swab done and now await the results.

He was planning on returning here when he gets back from this trip, so being stupid I have been trying to sort out the issues with DS (bottling his anger, refusing to speak to him etc.) and trying to get him to help out as his father and also trying to make sure our squabbles are sorted out of earshot while DS is at school and before he returns to our home to stay while he finds a new place. Huge mistake!

Of course, it's all my fault DS hates him apparently hmm he was rubbing my nose in the fact he doesn't have to support me, told me bluntly he doesn't have to be able to talk to me about anything and won't because I'm apparently controlling his life. He told me he'd been invited out but couldn't go because I wouldn't have approved ??? Never stopped him any other night! And honestly, I don't give a shit what he's doing if DS is being treated well, ex is paying his way and not behaving like a psycho!

I pointed out we had agreed to try and be friends and we'd have to speak in order to parent, sort out finances etc. he told me mediation would take 20 minutes, said there was nothing to negotiate - he mentioned divvying up the furniture and I pointed out there were other financial things as I'd been to my first appointment!

Boom. He went nuts. I offered to make him an appt when I made mine and he wasn't interested. Told me to hold off as he didn't know what he wanted. When he was lunching with OW within hours of his plane landing, it was clear the reconciliation of which he spoke previously was never going to happen and so I have just been getting on with what I can.

He's now cut me off by text. Told me email only and he's staying elsewhere on his return.

Shitting it in case I get less money than he's offered. I am walking on eggshells trying to say the right thing. He makes me feel like a bad parent because I am constantly worried about where it's going to land and his temper is foul. I can never say or do the right thing.

I need this sorted. His reluctance to move on is apparent yet it's not because he feels anything for me clearly!

Logg1e Fri 14-Feb-14 18:15:00

Hang on, slow down. What's the situation? What's the timeline?

Rightallalong Fri 14-Feb-14 19:22:25

Found out just after new year. EA with colleague who was working temporarily on a project. She's half his and my age, he is typical mlc.

He ran straight to her when I found some draft mails he'd been composing Christmas And Boxing Day. Nothing grim but trying too hard and not written by the man I knew.

Was vile, telling me no sex but relationship highly likely then she goes back to the ex 3 days before going home.

We had hysterical bonding before he left for work trip 2 weeks ago, told me he'd not be seeing her and had no plans etc. told me he was seriously considering reconciliation.

I posted under midlife crisis or knobhead as at the time he was keeping me dangling. I realised last week that he was having his cake so got on with sorting out what I could for his return.

I thought he didn't give a shit but he seems rather bitter I've been trying to protect DS and I.

I now wonder if he really did want to reconcile, but he's been so aggressive, nasty and dismissive one minute and really quite 'normal' the next.

I was worried about his return as his moods are awful and he can go from 0-60 in 3 seconds flat. He bare face lies about everything - what he tells me one day is not the same as the next and I'm pretty scared of him being here in front of DS. Police removed him once when he was being an utter bastard in front of DS.

Don't want to reconcile I realised a few days ago. Too risky for DS. So, trying to sort it out but it's been the wrong thing. Should have just ignored him but was worried about DS and attitude towards him. Trying to be saintly and getting him to talk to Dad when he doesn't want to so that he can't blame me which he's tried to. I don't want to be accused of poisoning DS as I'm trying hard to keep my thoughts etc. to self but he knows when I'm upset.

Phew...rambling, sorry

Logg1e Fri 14-Feb-14 19:30:59

Ah, that's a lot clearer. Thanks for taking the time to explain. I'm so sorry to read about what a difficult time you've had.

So, what's your attitude towards your son going to be, regarding his father? Sounds as though you're realising you have only so much responsibility towards their relationship?

Rightallalong Sat 15-Feb-14 10:23:32

I just want my Son to be saved from the hurt of all this. Ex DP just left in front of our child spouting shit about her as he went so DS is well aware of why he left us. His abusive outbursts and selfish behaviour since have been thoughtless and in front of DS sometimes too.

I've guided the ex through this as he wasn't really doing anything to help DS, but the more frequent chatty 2 line emails seem to be lifting DS spirits.

I don't know how it's going to work now if ex and I are no longer on speaking terms. I've asked ex DP how he thinks that is going to help but I don't want to phone and beg him to reconsider as it just means he's nasty to me all over again. I was trying to sort out the shit so we could be friends but he cut me off yesterday by text and he's made no effort since.

He called to speak to DS a couple of hours ago as he's ill today. Our landline only works on speaker phone and it's like a knife twisting when I hear his voice. He asked after everyone but me.

I guess ex DP and DS will find their own way when his father gets back. He's said he only wants to sort out access via the mediator so that's what we'll have to do.

I just believed him when he said he wanted us to be friends. It seems he wants to be 'friends' with OW more!

louby44 Sat 15-Feb-14 10:37:11

My ex went to get checked out (found a card in his coat pocket) I asked him about it and he told me he'd been twice and got the all clear but he went for at least 2 further appointments so there was obviously something amiss.

I went on Wed for a full sexual health check (I've been before regarding something I caught off him) and will go again on wed for results.

I find the staff really nice. Sorry you're going through all this. Hope you're ok.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 15-Feb-14 10:43:46

Well, given that he tried to lie to you about not having sex with you I can see why you're kind of dubious about his claims not to have had it with someone else. hmm

Is he in sales by any chance?

JuliaScurr Sat 15-Feb-14 10:45:09

lots of places have half-price chocolates today
if you need a little treat

Rightallalong Sat 15-Feb-14 10:54:02

Louby that's a bit harsh. Glad you're brave and getting checked out too. I found it deeply unpleasant.

Annie, no not in sales but probably should be.

He's just full of shit and I've realised that by being decent to him in the hope of a decent future for DS, I've made it worse for me and quite likely DS too. Should have just been a complete bitch all along!

I'm feeling rather stupid the effort was for nothing! And worse for being sad at failing. And humiliated I had to go and get tested because he couldn't be f*cked to end our relationship properly like both of us always agreed we would.

Utter bastard. I need some strength as I feel weak today. This stunt is another kick in the teeth!

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