I apologise in advance for posting. I doubt there's anything anyone can say to help but I haven't anyone else to turn to.
Tonight DH and I had a big fight. Writing this in the dark in DDs room as she sleeps, I don't want to be in the same room as DH.
DD has been night-wakening for roughly a week now, and getting harder to settle for naps. He works offshore, so when he's away there's only me here to deal (and pretty much when he's home too but never mind). After a particularly testing night last night and frequent crying bouts today, we settled down for dinner and DH opened a bottle of wine. Then another. Out of those bottles I had one glass, DH drained the rest, as he quite often will. Then left me to the crying when she woke up.
Nothing would settle her and I was getting really upset and anxious. I had a migraine and he was playing really loud music downstairs despite frequent requests to turn it right down. I became teary (as I often do when tired and upset). He just stared at me so I left the room and went back upstairs to try and comfort DD. After an eternity and in my tired state I left her to CIO. I'm ashamed to say I put ear plugs in (which didn't actually do anything). After 5 mins DH came tearing in shouting at me because I wasn't trying to calm her down. He shouted at me and I started crying. His response was "what the f are you crying for" and other profanities. I told him I had a sore head and couldn't cope and he shouted "f off then". This refrain was repeated several times, as well as mocking me for crying.
I fed her and before she had finished he had already passed out beside us. He's still comatose as I write. He's a disgrace. I have one moment of desperation and he vilifies me for it and he's so greedy with alcohol he passes out. He won't even remember this on the morning (conveniently). He never has any patience with DD and once left her to CIO when she was a newborn and I had to go and comfort her.
I've got a lot on my mind just now as have consultant appointment on Monday to discuss many issues (3b tear, horrendous birth with induction, large uterine fibroid, flashbacks and psychological effects of tear and to argue my case against induction for future pregnancies). I don't need this and I don't need to be made to feel like a child for crying.
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Relationships
Just had big fight with drunk DH (apologies, long post)
weesazz · 13/02/2014 23:30
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