How do I fix it?

[Worriedforthefuture]

Hello
I have known my DP for 8 years and married 4. We have 2 great DC(ages 1 and 2). We seem to argue all the time.....mainly over my work hours.
I took 2 years off your to have the children, and returned 5 months ago. My husband handed in his notice to look after children for 6-12 months. He wasn't happy in his job so the time was right.

My hours are meant to be around 60 per week but in reality are more.i leave home at 7 and back by 7 with one 15 minute break plus do nights and weekends sometimes. My husband counts my journey to work and back a break. I rush home to help get the children to bed. The children see me so little my 2 year old prefers being with my DP now.

I dread coming home from work late
He shouts and screams at me, kicks things and throws things occasionally, last Sat was the worst when he was calling me a F**g b**h in front of the children. The reason : I was home late from the hairdressers and didn't call early enough to say I would be late. I don't go out ever. I only work and spend time with my family except to get my hair done every 2 months.

He slags off my job as it doesn't pay enough to support us and we have to use savings. I feel bullied and alone. I dread the next time he flips out. It doesn't help that he drinks more than he should..... He has threatened divorce in the past and assured me he would get the children. I have no family or friends as support..........

I can't give up the job or go part time, as he will struggle to get work. He has had a few years in the past of unemployment.i feel I should stick with him and just grin and bear it....I know he doesn't love or care for me..


Sorry for the long ramble....

[lookingfoxy]

Tell him to get a bloody job so you can cut back your hours!!

[lookingfoxy]

Are you getting all the tax credits your entitled to?

[lookingfoxy]

Right the above wasn't very constructive, you need to sit down with him and have a serious chat.
why are you working so much, if your not getting paid for the evening/weekends what would happen if you didnt do the extra?
Your h is obviously struggling as well being alone with the dc all day every day, does he get out or have any support?
Life can be relentless in the early years but it wont be forever, please sit down and discuss options to make both your lives easier.

[Worriedforthefuture]

Looking foxy....thank you

I have no choice I have to do the shift work...the salary in about 10 years will get better. You are right...he has no support either... I am doing a 12 day stretch at the moment of long days, so therefore so will he.

He has started to job hunt, however the previous 2 bouts of unemployment it took 12-18 months to get a job.

I will look into tax credits


Thank you

[Offred]

You can't fix a relationship where your partner has descended into abuse. You need to speak to women's aid and also look at maximising your income. There also seems to be an employment issue if you only get 15mins break in 12 hours. Yes, being SAHP is stressful but when you did it for much longer I bet you didn't treat him how he is treating you. You haven't done anything to deserve this and I don't think you can fix it, sorry, know that isn't what you wanted to hear. :(

[Fairenuff]

Quite simple, you can't fix it. No matter what you do, there is no way he should shout and scream at you like that. That is abusive behaviour.

Now, if he is unhappy in the relationship he is free to leave it and that is how he should be thinking, not trying to place all the blame on you.

Sorry, this relationship is over. It's just a matter of working out where you go from here.

[Mrswellyboot]

I couldn't live like this. Screaming and shouting and treating you like that is not someone showing you love, no matter what the financial situation. So he didn't like working and is now moaning because he is at home.

He needs to get back out to work but I would have a long hard think about a future with him.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

"I feel bullied and alone"

His behaviour is abusive, bullying, completely unacceptable and the only chance you have of 'fixing' anything is to challenge it and reject it. You sound not only bullied and alone but frightened and intimidated. This goes way beyond the normal relationship ups and downs. You deserve much better than this and so do your DCs.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 are very good at offering advice to victims of Domestic Abuse.