Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Update on my situation at home

(11 Posts)
Jan45 Thu 13-Feb-14 12:46:42

Some of you will remember me posting, esp Cog, about my living situation and its difficulties. My partner and his son moved in with me last December and since then I've had issues with his son not washing and doing absolutely nothing to find a job, ring bells? Well over a year later and nothing has changed, we have been arguing constantly about his son and also my partner's refusal to actually put much input into our future etc, I've never felt very safe iykwim within the relationship.

It has been nearly 12 year so there was a lot of good there but now we have ended up spending our life's together arguing about his son and his refusal to parent him in a way that shows his son what is expected of him but also in support of me, it just didn't happen. He's now looking for a flat and I am absolutely gutted that it's ended this way, I always thought with love we could pull through anything, I was wrong. I know it's the right thing to do and I don't know what I will do without him, it's hard to think about starting again at this stage in my life, I hope this doesn't make me bitter. Just wanted to share with those of you who know me and the situation, it's good to have here to express myself. Wish me luck!

gabrielleblue Thu 13-Feb-14 12:49:18

I do wish you luck. And a loving, healthy relationship within mutual respect next time. You will come out of this stronger and wiser about what you can and will put up with.

Jan45 Thu 13-Feb-14 12:54:15

Thanks, I hope so, feeling extremely jaded and disillusioned by the whole relationship thing, can't imagine ever being in one again.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Thu 13-Feb-14 13:00:52

Jan, sorry to sound harsh, but they are parasites. I predict you will feel the relief when you are actually on your own. You will thrive. Look forward, not back.
Best wishes to you.

Dahlen Thu 13-Feb-14 13:01:39


I hope you can take comfort from knowing you've done the right thing by all of you and declaring that what you want matters, because it does.

I know it's a bit of a trite phrase, but time helps. I think you'll look back and be proud of the way you've handled this.

Meanwhile, be kind to yourself and nurture your friendships.

DorothyGherkins Thu 13-Feb-14 13:05:32

No, you won't stay bitter for ever. You'll wake up one day and realise you don't feel anxious or cross any more, you'll be able to breathe, and you can concentrate on enjoying life again - promise you! Sorry this has happened to you, but life is too short to be miserable. I've loved being single again after a rubbish twelve year relationship, I dont propose to embark on any more relationships. You wont feel jaded or disillusioned forever - you can start a brand new life with all the things that are important tonyou. Go, Jan45, go !

Jan45 Thu 13-Feb-14 13:21:25

Oh thanks everyone, it's helping. I still love him, still have strong feelings but I know this life isn't for me. Parasites is a bit harsh but I understand where you are coming from.

If I thought I could fix it or make things good again, I would but it's taken me this long to realise there's nothing else to do, they won't change because they don't want to, as we hear on here all the time, you can't make anyone change and unfortunately I couldn't either which has made me realise I'm a very strong independent thinking woman, hardly a bad thing.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 13-Feb-14 13:33:07

I'm sad it hasn't worked out but your partner clearly decided that his lazy DS was ultimately more important to him than a relationship with you. It's a depressing thing to realise, I'll grant you, but perhaps it'll turn out to be a cloud with a silver lining. You don't have to be in a relationship to be happy.

Jan45 Thu 13-Feb-14 13:36:46

Yes Cog, that's basically it. Thanks, I'm sure once the hurt has worn off I'm hopeful I can look at life again with renewed confidence.

DorothyGherkins Thu 13-Feb-14 13:39:53

Your second paragraph, Jan45, was exactly how I felt, and I was just so reluctant to 'give up'

Eighteen months down the line, the only regret I have, isthatI didnt leave sooner -truly! They are years of my life I will never gey back.

DorothyGherkins Thu 13-Feb-14 13:41:02

Get back, sorry fat finger at work there!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: