Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Why ask if you're interested.

(17 Posts)
CatAmongThePigeons Wed 12-Feb-14 22:41:52

DH asked if I was okay, I replied in the affirmative, but he pressed me and I said that I was feeling quite bored and restless with everything.

He replied 'yes'. That's it, nothing else. This always happens, I should just say I'm fine, but it hurts when I feel so dismissed.

CatAmongThePigeons Wed 12-Feb-14 22:42:43

Why ask if you're not interested. Fucksake, I should always proofread

TheresNoMeWithoutYou Wed 12-Feb-14 22:46:26

Cat grin and flowers
Also feeling a bit similar. Cept for the DH thing. Chase him around the house with a frying pan. I find that alleviates boredom just lovely.

CatAmongThePigeons Wed 12-Feb-14 22:56:13

could I throw books at him? I don't think I cba to expend that much energy tonight

JeanSeberg Wed 12-Feb-14 22:58:37

Is the problem that quite bored and restless with everything isn't very specific? I wouldn't really know his to respond to that either. Can you give him some more specific examples?

deakymom Wed 12-Feb-14 23:31:05

ooooh my husband does this are you okay? yes are you sure? yes no your not there is something wrong isn't there? no yes there is your snapping at me now tell me what have i done wrong this time?


Joysmum Thu 13-Feb-14 07:26:13

Maybe he's trying to get you to recognise this for yourself and take responsibly for changing what needs to be changed?

I'm going through this myself atm. My husband is being as wonderful as he can be and our relationship is about as good as it can be but I need to make changes to my life that he can't help me with.

Once I realised that, I stopped feeling lost and helpless and was then able to talk through some options with him and help myself rather than hoping somebody would appear with a magic wand and I'd suddenly feel differently. Taking responsibility for myself has allowed me to feel better about things. Continually looking for somebody else to get annoyed at doesn't get you anywhere.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 13-Feb-14 07:34:59

I think he's checking he's not the cause of your bad mood.

TheresNoMeWithoutYou Thu 13-Feb-14 07:45:03

Morning Cat
You okay?

<ducks then runs>

CatAmongThePigeons Thu 13-Feb-14 09:54:31

Thanks for the replies, it may be he doesn't know what to say, I am trying to change my thoughts- have been put on the CBT wait list and am trying to think of ways to alleviate how I feel (not being so housebound etc...)

It's just frustrating that he asks the 'are you okay? <headtilt>' question and doesnt ever respond.

TheresNoMe I am fine thank you <glares> grin

TheresNoMeWithoutYou Thu 13-Feb-14 12:46:31

<sticks head up from behind the sofa>
Seriously Cat, maybe he just doesn't know what to say next?
Why are you bored and restless? Whats going on that dragging you down? Maybe chatting on here can help?

CatAmongThePigeons Thu 13-Feb-14 13:52:49

I think you're right, he can't really win with it, it's one of those situations where he knows what's really getting me, but there's naff all he can do, IYSWIM?

I live in a smallish town, high unemployment, low wages etc... I'd love a job but it's not feasible. I can't get a qualification as I can't afford it, so i'm stuck as a SAHM and I'm skint.

I think I've become very jealous of my husband, he has his dream job, we had to move with him and I think I resent having to do everything.

I had DS1 at 20, I feel I'm missing out on my life as there's nothing here.

CatAmongThePigeons Thu 13-Feb-14 13:53:32

Shit, that was a true pity party. blush

Avondale Thu 13-Feb-14 14:04:27

What practical things could you do to make a few small changes Cat? Are your DC old enough for a toddler group or their 15 hours at nursery? Do you have a gym with a crèche where you could leave em for an hour?
I've been a reluctant SAHM in the past and it can grind you down but just step back and think of practical changes to your routine can make a difference. Good luck

TheresNoMeWithoutYou Thu 13-Feb-14 14:18:23

If your DH is in his dream job hopefully in the future things will improve financially? How old are your kids? I had my eldest at 17. It is really, really hard. The lack of money, the repetitiveness of it all. Looking back though, it all passes. You need to discover ways to enjoy now. But you know that.
Is there anything you can do to get out and about more? Any mums with similar age kids nearby? I was out recently and passed a group of young mums having a laugh and I felt a bit envy I miss that sometimes. Have you tried your mumsnet local to arrange a meetup?
I am a SAMH now too. There are many days I would swap places with DH.

CatAmongThePigeons Thu 13-Feb-14 21:31:32

DS1 is 7, DS2 has just turned 2, there's one pre school that has available space but I don't know if I could stretch to it, there's not enough money left. I go to a couple of toddler groups and have made a lovely friend who has introduced me to other people which helps, but because I'm skint, I struggle to do activities and days out.
Sadly H's job is public sector and the only way he will earn more is to get a promotion, which he doesn't want to do, so we're stuck.

I'd love to be able to go to the gym, but they're so expensive. TBH If I was offered a job in London I would jump at it and not look back. I feel awful for even thinking like that but I so want to be me and be a 'grown up'.

I need to find ways to improve things inexpensively- which I struggle with.

TheresNoMeWithoutYou Fri 14-Feb-14 09:01:21

Thats a shame. Cat pleased you have a good friend though.
feel a bit nosey asking this but I think it's important. You say DH is in his dream job, he doesn't want promotion. How does he justify living hand to mouth? I would feel so resentful of this. Maybe I am misunderstanding but he seems to be putting his wants first. Surely he should be actively planning going for promotions? You have moved away from home for him.Would you earn more than him if you worked?
As for stretching your money, try googling free family days out in your area. Course they are never free, food etc. Picnics are the way forward. Are you a baker? Can you invite your friends for tea and cake? If you can make your own, it can be inexpensive. If you can't make your own, maybe have baking mornings with your friends. Can be a laugh, especially if you are all newbies to baking and kids can be involved. Sorry if you have thought of all this before. I have been where you are and life is so flat. sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now