Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

No maintenance, never, and making me beg...

(43 Posts)
oopsadaisyme Wed 12-Feb-14 18:38:36

I've had a right old time of it so bear with.......x

What would you do, he's promised some money going in on a monday (in two months, never happened) - He's tried to 'keep me sweet' by sending the 'I love you, I miss you' rubbish over past two weeks - then when i say 'ok, but really need the money', he got nasty, accused me of being a bitch and only contacting him because of money - and if I was to go cms/csa route he would get everything out of my house he deems as 'his' (tv, my sons xbox, the works) -

I just want to support my kids - he can buy himself holidays, wine bars (wtf btw), but not afford to support his child -

Believe me, If I could do this on my own right now I would, but he's living the life of riley, and I actually had to beg him today for money, we have nothing - three weeks and nothing, paid everything I had for food and gas - and still he paid in nothing -

I feel sick and really alone, I dont want to contact him again, but he's hanging us on a thread and loving it - doesnt pay us maintenance, tells me not to text

fusspot66 Wed 12-Feb-14 18:46:22

Go the CSA route. Let him explain to DS why he has no tv or X Box. st legal advice 're stopping him from grabbing household goods. H a 've you been on entitledto website 're benefits. Don't fear the little Hitler.

Madlizzy Wed 12-Feb-14 18:47:03

CSA most definitely. Whose name is the house in? I hope you've claimed all the benefits that you're entitled to.

fusspot66 Wed 12-Feb-14 18:47:06

Get legal advice

Or CAB

PinklePurr Wed 12-Feb-14 18:52:32

Child Maintenance Options is your starting point.

oopsadaisyme Wed 12-Feb-14 18:57:01

Can I be frank? I'm afraid of him - always have been - he's always made me feel 'less of' - and I want to speak up now, and try get some control back -

Holdthepage Wed 12-Feb-14 18:57:38

Solicitor, CSA, whatever it takes. He is only promising to give you money to stop you taking proper legal advice.

If he takes your tv, Xbox etc., just let him have them, then everyone can see him for the twat he is. You will be able to replace them before too long.

oopsadaisyme Wed 12-Feb-14 19:08:07

Hold no I wont tho x - understand your strong view point, I do - but I literally have 20 pound in the bank to see us through till next tuesday-

I had to beg that prick for money today, was nice as nice could be, and the texts he sent back were horrendous, i've had to suck that up - because i have two kids and nothing - i hate being in this situation, I have always worked, but I cant right now - I have pay meters for my gas and electric, and am turning everything off just to make last a week -

In tears

oopsadaisyme Wed 12-Feb-14 19:09:48

and he still put nothing in

BitsinTatters Wed 12-Feb-14 19:10:29

Csa. Every time

You can't be in this situation. It's not fair on you or the DC

PinklePurr Wed 12-Feb-14 19:12:30

The things in your home do not belong to him. Please contact CM Options. They're open 'til 8pm. Do you get any other benefits?

Holdthepage Wed 12-Feb-14 19:15:42

Oopsadaisyme - you simply can't spend the rest of your life begging this twat for money. At some point you will have to go down the legal route. Do it sooner rather than leaving it any longer.

I wish I had some practical advice for you but I am sure help will be coming soon. Keep strong & remember you didn't make your DCs on your own & you are entitled to financial help from their father without having to beg for it.

PinklePurr Wed 12-Feb-14 19:16:58

Just to clear something up in case it's slightly confusing...

The CSA have been replaced by the Child Maintenance Service, but they are basically the same thing.
You have to contact Child Maintenance Options before you can go to the CMS but they are very very helpful.

Divinity Wed 12-Feb-14 19:21:39

Does he have access to your home Oops? If he doesn't then he cannot take any of your and your DSs things. If he tries to, phone the police.

Might be worth you calling woman's aid to talk about why you're afraid of him. They can give you some good advice.

Also, you need CSA otherwise he will simply refuse to accept any responsibility for his son and use money to try to control you.

Agree that you need to change this situation.

BitsinTatters Wed 12-Feb-14 19:22:04

Csa. Every time

You can't be in this situation. It's not fair on you or the DC

BitsinTatters Wed 12-Feb-14 19:22:10

Csa. Every time

You can't be in this situation. It's not fair on you or the DC

BitsinTatters Wed 12-Feb-14 19:22:25

Csa. Every time

You can't be in this situation. It's not fair on you or the DC

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Wed 12-Feb-14 19:22:39

He can afford to support is children. He is choosing not too.

Get tough and go the legal route. Never beg off his again.

BitsinTatters Wed 12-Feb-14 19:22:47

Csa. Every time

You can't be in this situation. It's not fair on you or the DC

oopsadaisyme Wed 12-Feb-14 19:26:15

csa website said their not taking on any new cases??

knowledgeispower Wed 12-Feb-14 19:28:14

Don't respond to or send any further texts. Contact the relevant people to get child maintenance arrangements in place.

Contact the police regarding removal of goods - does he have receipts etc? If he comes to the property and you feel threatened, ring the police.

Ensure you are claiming everything you are entitled to benefit wise.

sending ((hugs))

knowledgeispower Wed 12-Feb-14 19:31:01

Look at PinklePurrs post above and contact Child Maintenance Options

newbieman1978 Wed 12-Feb-14 19:33:58

Sounds like a wanker.

CSA are a bunch of no marks but they might be able to get you something but I wouldn't hold your breath.

I'm sure there must be things in place if you are in real hardship, what they are I don't know but the CAB would be a good start.

Good Luck.

oopsadaisyme Wed 12-Feb-14 19:39:42

Knowledge and all of the above, think im claiming everything I can, but get £50 a week (plus some child credit) god i hate being on benefits -

Out of that I have to pay 30 top up per week in rent, to keep us in our house and more importantly the kids in their school -

My gas and electric costing a fortune because on a meter - which gas costing about 40 a week -

I just want to get from a to b right now, I'm not eating, because two meals out of one is my kids eating healthily - I know I need to work, and when I can sort out childcare I'll do anything.... never just had 20 to last a week before, really panicking -

Cabrinha Wed 12-Feb-14 19:47:04

Don't panic!
Definitely CSA. He's going to dick you about forever otherwise, if you get anything he'll then stop again and again. Don't play that game. You may think you'll get more by being "nice" and not going to CSA, but it really looks like you won't.
I very much doubt he has any right to take anything from the house.
Try calling 101 police non emergency number to ask? Then text him and tell him it would be theft and to fuck off.
Do you get on with your parents? Can they help?
Can you get a referral to a foodbank?
Longer term, can you move to avoid the top up? Your kids already have their school place.
Try the credit crunch board on here for ways to stretch that money when it comes to meals!
This is a really hard time, but take a moment to be glad that whatever crap that arsehole throws at you - at least you're not with him any more!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now