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What to do about my cousin

(5 Posts)
ihavenonameonhere Wed 12-Feb-14 12:46:45

So we are having some issues with a cousin in my family and I am not sure what to do!

This is the background.

She is on my mothers side of the family, she is in her mid 20s and was for a long time an only child. She then had a half sister who is about 10 years younger than her. Tragically and at a very young age my Uncle died about a year after his 2nd child was born.

Moving forward over the years my cousin has been very difficult, she certainly has some issues, she is diagnosed with bi polar and I believe has some learning difficulties. She has always been a little strange. I have rarely seen my other younger cousin as we didn't really know the woman who my Uncle had the child with but my parents have kept in touch, sent birthday and christmas presents etc.

Now my eldest cousin has always been difficult and I have never been a fan of her behaviour, for example she has always treated my Grandmother badly. My Grandmother totally dotes on her, especially since my uncle died but it has always felt that she has used my Grandmother for cash and has never treated her very well. For example when she was about 20 she went shopping with my GM and when they got the bus home my GM fell, instead of helping her she just got off at her stop and left my poor GM to walk home on her own even though she was in a lot of pain. She also insists my GM gets a taxi to see her rather than her going to see my GM. Anyway we have just let this all go as it makes my GM happy and its up to her.

My family have done all they can to help her since my Uncle died, they kept on his house and rented it out so that they could pay down the mortgage til she was 21 and then she could sell the house and have the money, which she did and fair enough but my family could have just sold the house when he died and she would have received very little

Last Christmas my brother had some sort of party 2 weeks before Christmas for a few family and friends, I wasn't about so didn't even know about it. However cousins weren't invited but my brother bumped into the younger cousin and as there were a few children going asked her if she wanted to come for the afternoon and hang out with the other children. My older cousin found this out and went crazy, she phoned my GM and demanded she called my brother and get her an invite. My GM declined, she then wrote to my brother on facebook saying she was disgusted she didn't get invited and that my Uncle would have been very upset. She also tried to bring my other adult cousins into it as they hadn't been invited but rightly they really weren't bothered.

She then blocked my whole family from facebook - I only learnt all this when I realised she had blocked me. Oh and her mother had blocked us all too.

This really upset my Mum, its her brothers daughter and she has tried so hard, she always buys her lovely presents and still sent along her Christmas gifts and did receive a text saying thanks.

In the new year I discovered her twitter account and decided to have a little read, well she was saying the most dreadful things about my Mum and after thinking about we decided to tell my Mum. She was really very upset. We also told our GM but we decided to not confront our cousin and just to keep an eye on the account. She has no idea we can see it as she posts under a slightly different name.

Things seemed to have quieten down although she apparently phoned my GM to whinge that my Mum hadnt sent her a birthday present!

I checked her twitter account last night and she is at it again, saying dreadful things about my Mum - calls her the twatty Aunty she blocked on facebook and generally laughing at my family.

I am fuming and so is my very placid laid back never gets upset sister. It feels like we have had to put up with her behavior for years due to my Uncle dying and I dont see why we should anymore, she has accused my family of not liking her because she is a lesbian - we couldnt care less and I probably vae more gay friends than she does!

So anyway after finishing that rant, should I say something. I want to message her on twitter and finally say everything that I think or should I just leave it?

Cabrinha Wed 12-Feb-14 13:31:50

Well, she doesn't sound very nice, and you don't have much to do with her - so I'd say just leave it at that.

I think dragging up a selfish about 5 years ago (the bus) isn't helpful. Judge her on how she is now - which seems to be not very nice.

I don't see that point in wasting energy on it.

I disagree with you about the inherited house, I think. It is probably as much luck rather than financial planning that the house appreciated in value. Yes, they could have sold it - but then that money could have been invested and increased too. If whoever did the renting out was a trustee and your cousin was the beneficiary, then having a duty to care of the asset and not depreciate it is part of being a trustee.
I only pick on that because most of your post I was sympathetic, but over that I had a flash of being the cousin "and they think they're do fantastic and I have tI be forever grateful they rented the house out". I could be way off! It just occurred to me, that's all. I'm surprised her mother didn't inherit it - could that have been a source of tension that her husband died, then his family had control of the house?

Anyway - I wouldn't get into fights about it, I'd distance myself.

Hissy Wed 12-Feb-14 14:03:11

Things seemed to have quieten down although she apparently phoned my GM to whinge that my Mum hadnt sent her a birthday present!

Email her the screen shots of her messages and suggest having gift wrap made out of them.

or wrap a brick in this

ihavenonameonhere Wed 12-Feb-14 14:10:11

Thanks guys, wow even just writing it all out and getting it off my chest has been the perfect therapy. I think for me its a build up of watching her for years treating my GM so badly and my GM is 4ft 7" and is the kind of woman you want to protect.

The house wasn't left to her Mum as they were divorced before he died and had been for a while.

I think I will leave it and also not tell my Mum as it will just upset her. I think we have just let her get away with so much what with her losing her Dad when she was 10.

Wow I feel so much better ha

ihavenonameonhere Wed 12-Feb-14 14:10:46

PS Hissy ha ha well she wont be getting anymore than a brick from my parents next Christmas thats for sure!

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