My other half has said he cant cope with our 10 year old sons attitude and behaviour and if it carries on hes going to find a flat...he says i pamper and do too much for our son and its my fault hes lazy and wont do anything for himself..maybe i have done too much for him but doesnt every mum ?? :-(
Do you find your DS's behaviour acceptable? That's really the only opinion that matters. Partners come and go but kids are for life. If you think your DS is fine as he is then you stand by him and wish the partner well in his new flat. If you think your DS is a spoilt brat OTOH then do something about it.
actually no, 'every mum' does not do 'everything' for her son. I view my 'job' as a mother is to raise independent capable adult men who can cook, clean and do their own laundry as well as keep the place tidy. It is NEVER to early to start teaching them that.
OTOH what has his father done to foster independence ?
But isn't it the OP's place to decide how to raise their own child, good, bad or indifferent? I don't know how longstanding this 'OH' is but I'm a lone parent to a DS and if some boyfriend was to start complaining and making threats to move out - even if he was spot on and DS was Dennis the Menace made flesh - I would tell him to shut the door quietly as he left.
Yes hes my sons dad...my son has to be told constantly tidy up, get washed, clean your teeth and leaves his things where he drops them...i understand my other halfs frustration but im trying my best to make my son understand he has to start doing thj gs for himself...i work full time and so does my oh so sometimes I find it easier just to do these things rather than wait for him to do it...
What a twat. My ex has just disowned his own son and he only spends 6 hours a week with him. He can't even manage that. It's up to you how you parent. I'm guessing you think your partner is being unreasonable and if that's the case I would wish him well.
It would be much easier of you were both encouraging him! How is your oh with your son generally? Does he pay much attention to him? My son will be 3 next week but he already knows that he has to hang his coat up and put his toys away. It's not always his choice to do it, but he does do it even if I have to ask him twenty times eventually!
He's your DS's father and he's threatening to flounce out of the relationship based purely on the behaviour of a 10yo? Threats are a poor way to run a relationship. Also suggest you try to find out if there's something else behind this alleged desire to live in a flat of his own ...
Throw the partner out. He needs putting firmly in his place. He's decided that he's the most important person in the household who must be obeyed and indulged - he needs showing that this is not true. Throwing him out will either teach him a lesson or get him gone. Trying to placate a selfish man by being unkind to your own child is a terrible idea.
I'm still agog... I'm a lone parent. DS is generally a nice guy but we have locked horns occasionally what with him being a teenager now and everything. I'm just trying to imagine his reaction if I said that, because of his appalling behaviour, I would be moving out of my own house and into a flat. LOL! He'd think I'd gone stark staring nuts.
Actually, he's not threatening to leave because of the child, he's threatening to leave because they don't agree on parenting styles and feels the mum is a contributing factor to the son's behaviour. From the next post from the OP I actually agree with the father.
My DD is 11 and has been through (and atill going through) the same thing. DH and I agree that we have an ask once nicely, insist less politely second time with a reminder that if it's still not done there will be consequences. We are consistent in those consequences.
Clear and consistent expectations and consequences are how children best learn. You aren't doing that and it's no wonder your child isn't improving as much as you'd both like. Ask once nicely, second time is insistence with clear reminder of consequences of what happens if this needs to be raised a third time. If it gets to a third time, make sure you follow through so your threats have to be real.
I think it is really hard to call this, without knowing more about all parties. If my DH chased around after the children and was heavily contributing to them being spoiled brats, I would be livid with him - that isn't good parenting.
However, how is DP in tjis situation thinking him moving out is going to help his son?
I am guessing he feels pushed into a corner and is trying brinksmanship to try and force a change of behaviour.
Only the OP knows who is really to blame - could be her or her partner, or both of them!
I've been in the situation where my partner would not do very much when it came to parenting his son, this drove me crazy as I was constantly having to ask for the simplest things, i.e., can you tell your son to wash (he was 17 at this stage)! So, in that respect I would not automatically assume your OH is just being a bastard, esp if this is his son.
It comes down to the two of you agreeing rules and presenting a united front in order for your son to have a consistency about what is expected of him and yes at 10, he is quite capable.
You can get to a point where you are just not being listened to and the only alternative is to live separately, something like this can actually split you up, you must be singing from the same hymn sheet when it comes to parenting, if you want it to work.
I agree its impossible to call without knowing more.
My DH is a teeny bit on the soft side and on occasion I've felt a bit "bad cop" but I can always nudge him in the right direction with a gentle reminder and ultimately he always backs me up.
I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if the situation was intensified to the point that he was constantly doing everything for the boys, letting them do what they liked, undermining me and so on. Frustrated, sad and dismayed at how they seemed to be turning out I expect.
Can you give us a bit more info OP? Maybe more examples of what's going on?