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How do I stop break ups affecting me so badly?

(5 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Tue 11-Feb-14 22:36:13

I have a lot of break ups as I tend to choose a lot of knob ends.
I know this has to stop so I am taking a break from the dating scene for ages and having counselling.
My most recent break up really hurt me, even though it was for the best. I had just started a difficult job in teaching and I felt that the pain from the split affected my performance. We split up partly due to his displeasure that I had a new job anyway.

Earlier last year I had an ill fated relationship with a weed smoker. I hate weed. I was advised to dump him but I thought I was in love so kept going. When he finally dumped me due to my anxiety it really shook me up and I was a mess for at least a month. Is there any way to take these inevitable splits on the chin a bit more?

Apart from choosing better men that is? My most recent ex said so many lovely things about me when we split and yet I still feel hurt and bitter. That is subsiding now and I feel more at peace!

NoArmaniNoPunani Tue 11-Feb-14 22:41:49

I think the counselling is your answer. I also found reading Women who loved too much helpful too

superstarheartbreaker Tue 11-Feb-14 22:43:56

Love your name noarmaninopunani!

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 12-Feb-14 06:54:31

You need to find self-respect, confidence and happiness within yourself. Be truly content in your own skin. Place a high value on your affection rather than giving it away for nothing. This will make you less inclined to put your happiness in the hands of others, you will be more selective about who you date in the first place and your standards for continuing a relationship will go up considerably. The weed smoker wouldn't have lasted long enough to dump you if you'd been more confident and less dependent.

Ultimately you need to get to a place where, no matter who ends the relationship, your reaction is 'their loss'.

something2say Wed 12-Feb-14 07:21:08

I found that developing other areas of life also helped. When the man leaves, there is only a hole in part of life. I think women need friends, money and so,earning they love to do in life, a hobby or passion.

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