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brother in law keeps sending suggestive emails...what to do?

(15 Posts)
Deaby Mon 10-Feb-14 22:48:36

Hi All,

I have been happily married to my husband for a number of years and we have children together. Husband has an older brother who, for the past 5 years has sent emails/texts every 8 months or so on average (always when he is drunk) of a very suggestive nature, i.e. hey you, hey sexy, hey baby, etc. At first when I responded (by asking if he is OK and why these emails are coming to me) he claimed that his accounts had been hacked, so I just ignored it. But it has recently transpired that it was him sending such emails/texts as he signed some recent ones off with his name at the end and later had a full blown conversation regarding them and admitting sending them! He then said it wouldnt happen again. Anyway the reason I need some advice off some sensible ladies out there is, I really get on with his wife and dont want to spoil my relationship with her by telling her about these texts and also I feel sorry for him as it makes me wonder why he is doing this and also if he is doing this with other women? Lets just say the job he is doing makes it easy for him to mess with other women, and before he did this job (I cant say what it is for confidentiality), he seemed like a nice person and never sent such emails to me before. My questions anyway are: should I approach him about it over the phone and be a friend to him to help sort this out? Or should I just forget about it? I do feel sorry for his wife too.

Littlefish Mon 10-Feb-14 22:51:32

Show them to your husband and tell him to speak to his brother. Your dh needs to tell his brother that the emails/texts are inappropriate and unwanted and must stop.

Hissy Mon 10-Feb-14 22:52:43

Fucking block him! Show your H and bollock bil. How dare he.

Change your email and don't give him the address.


MostWicked Mon 10-Feb-14 22:56:43

Tell him that the next one he sends is getting shown to his mother and your husband.

Deaby Mon 10-Feb-14 23:01:11

My mother in law is a wonderful lady and it would literally break her heart if she found out what he eldest son has been sending to me.....Husband knows everything and was fobbed off by hacking claims, but now he agrees that it was all lies and was definitely sent by him. He hasnt spoken to him for ages. They have a very volatile relationship.

YellowTulips Mon 10-Feb-14 23:30:26

Next one he sends reply with "I have politely ignored these annoying, suggestive and insulting texts for some time now (having shown them all to your brother). The next one you send will be forwarded to your wife. Do not insult or demean me, your wife or your brother any more by communications of this kind, it's both annoying and pathetic - just like the sender."

Hissy Mon 10-Feb-14 23:30:56

If this were your H, your s'il being pestered by your h, what would you want to do?

Wouldn't you want to know?

I suggest you have a chat with her and show her what he's been doin/?

OR, your H goes and has a word with him and THEN the next step is blow this all sky high and tell his wife and mother.

Don't try to be a 'friend' to him, he's not a friend, not by any stretch of the imagination.

He's a sexual bully.

MistressDeeCee Tue 11-Feb-14 02:24:40

OP why are you so caught up in what other people will think or feel? Your BIL is doing this as he knows you wont spill the beans, so he will get away with it. He has zero respect for you, your DH & his own wife. Id have blocked him ages ago and shown those emails to my OH, so he could deal with his brother. You do know if you let this go on & on your horrid BIL could eventually be found out anyway and then say you colluded with him/encouraged him? He clearly has no morals or loyalty. How do you think your DH & rest of family, including your BILs wife, will feel about you then? Tell your DH and let him deal with this matter

Lweji Tue 11-Feb-14 04:48:56

Your best option as others pointed out is to tell him to stop it, or you'll show the emails to your OH, his mother and his wife. And the police as well, as harassment, if he didn't stop when you asked him too.

Do not approach as a friend to help sort whatever you think is wrong.
It can only lead to disaster.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 11-Feb-14 05:18:30

You must put your self-respect top priority here and deal with this man the way you would any other sleazeball. Stand up to him and tell him straight to bugger off. His wife and mother's feelings are for him to deal with. They are not your responsibility. Your DH should back you up and, if he doesn't, you can draw your own conclusions.

This is not the time for taking a back seat.

Matildathecat Tue 11-Feb-14 05:21:53

What Yellow said. And do what you say if you ever receive such garbage again. Immediately.

I'm amazed by your DH's restraint.

LiberalLibertine Tue 11-Feb-14 05:27:12

Tell him straight op, I'm a bit shock that your dh knows and hasn't been in touch with him.

Agree with everyone above that the time for politeness is loooong gone.

DoctorTwo Tue 11-Feb-14 06:14:52

Forward them to his wife. Hopefully she'll deal with him by cutting his balls off as that's the least he deserves for sexual harrassment.

ihatethecold Tue 11-Feb-14 06:29:58

I agree with all the other posters.
It worries me that you say he is in a position at work where he is able to manipulate women.
Why the hell are you letting that happen?

You really should be dealing with this.
As well as asking your dh why he has stuck his head in the sand.

DCRbye Tue 11-Feb-14 20:17:46

This happened to me with xDHs close relative. I don't really understand why they think it;s acceptable. I told xDH right away. Keeping it hidden it not right.

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