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I'm not sure what to do???

(3 Posts)
Iloveowls Mon 10-Feb-14 20:58:08

Hi all, long time lurker but first time poster!

I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm not sure I love my OH any more and it is making me extremely miserable sad

We have been together for 9yrs and have been married for 6, we have a 3ry old DD.

Since January last year I have felt very differently towards him and I let it fester for months until I made myself ill and ended up just exploding just before xmas, telling him that I wasn't sure I wanted to be married to him anymore and I no longer felt any attraction towards him. He admitted that he had been feeling unhappy but didn't say anything because he thought by some miracle it would get better!!

Well it hasn't got any better if anything it has got worse and I just feel so lost and lonely. I suggested Relate and he was not keen, he reckoned we could sort it out between us.

One thing that he did say was that since having DD I have changed and he hasn't so I'm the problem!!

Our friends have noticed that since having DD all his attention has been on her and I have been forgotten about, they mentioned this to him and he openly admitted this saying that his DD was his world..

I'm sorry if my post is a little disjointed my head is a mess and I wrote down what came into my head.

Any advice is most welcome...thanks x

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 10-Feb-14 21:06:48

It's really difficult to come back from stating to a partner than you don't want to be with them any more and don't find them attractive. It's the kind of bridge-burning conversation someone isn't going to forget in a hurry.

Being brutally honest, do you want to stay married to each other? If so and if 'sorting it out between you' and waiting for miracles isn't working then you have to insist on the counselling route as non-negotiable. If you don't want to stay married then save yourself a lot of time and heartache and make the break.

Damnhot72 Mon 10-Feb-14 21:43:20

Well I have been there a long time ago, I felt I tried to sort out certain problems but he wouldn't listen so after years of it I did it I ended it,felt relieved tbh though it was difficult sorting all the finances splitting the home etc, I was suddenly excited again about life. I met someone else fell in love, it was great for a while but then he couldn't handle the kids, was jealous of them, very moody didn't pay his way, so after a lot of heartache it ended. A friend introduced me to someone else same thing great at first but within months he turned abusive till in the end I had to contact various authorities to get rid of him a real nightmare. After a break of a year I met someone else I'm about to finish with him because he favours weekends away with the lads. I don't however regret leaving my ex husband but my point is you need to be sure, are you sure it's all gone and it can't be salvaged, I was I didn't need to ask anyone else, it's not easy starting again. However I think I have been unlucky as I know others who have met someone else and made a new relatively happy life for themselves. Councilling might be an idea as it can even help you the make decision if your not sure.

It is difficult to get it all back but it is possible if you both want it to, of course you will of changed a bit after having a child he probably has too, and it's hard to keep the relationship the same. Don't however live a life of misery every problem has a solution . If neither of you or either of you want to try and make it work then there's no point you will just be miserable, don't just sit around hoping things will change they won't x

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