Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Operation Freedom from Abuse

(10 Posts)
januarycat Mon 10-Feb-14 20:12:35

1) He destroyed the confident, kickass woman that I had become after an abusive marriage.
2) I gave up hope of having the career I thought I could have after gaining a 2.1 degree while being a single parent.
3) He took away my voice, the ability to speak up, the ability to express how I felt.
4) He gradually eroded my savings while I quietly supported our family with my savings. While he kept quiet when people assumed he (the one without the dough) was the breadwinner.
5) He laughs at me, calls me names, tells me I'm stupid.

And there is so much more.

Leaving is a process. I've only just started that process. Weve been together for over 10 years (9 yrs, 11 mths too long).

Im finding it difficult not telling him yet. I am quietly organising, getting advice, another sol appt nxt monday (had a few false starts - thought the first solicitor would be ideal as she specialised in dom abuse, but left her office more depressed than I went in).
H is being arrogant, entitled, thinking he has got one over on me because he hasnt given me any money since mid december. He has bought some food for us but it is food HE thinks we should eat. While he hosts dinner parties at his flat.

I need to know Im doing the right thing. Sometimes I feel like giving in to him & accepting that this is my lot. BUT a very small part of me wants to kick him on the balls.

januarycat Mon 10-Feb-14 20:16:46

Eeek - didnt preview before posting blush

Anniegetyourgun Mon 10-Feb-14 20:22:25

Hurray for you! Clearly the kickass woman is still in there even if she's been keeping quiet.

Maybe he laughs at you now, but she who laughs last laughs loudest.

PaxmansGusset Mon 10-Feb-14 20:24:43

Well done OP. You are doing great.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 10-Feb-14 20:29:30

Of course you're doing the right thing and I'm glad you're getting professional advice. Please don't give in, even if the process is challenging. If necessary, expedite things by calling on outside agencies e.g WA for refuge. The quicker you get him out of your environment, the quicker you'll recover.

januarycat Mon 10-Feb-14 20:36:51

Thanks annie & paxman.
Im kicking myself because I didn't see through him sooner. He is the most manipulative person I have ever met.
Im selling things on ebay so I can pay basic bills. I dont want him to know that I am divorcing him yet, as there is a lot more to organise
It does grate though, when I hear about the steak & wine dinner parties he has while I have to tell the DCs to put a jumper on because I cant afford to heat the house

Yes, she who laughs last ...

januarycat Mon 10-Feb-14 20:50:03

Cogito - thank you. I realise its now time I made that call to WA.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 10-Feb-14 20:56:16

It really is time to make that call. I know you are doing this carefully, dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's but the longer it drags on the greater the risk that your resolve will weaken. You can't live on E-Bay sales for long, put it that way.

PaxmansGusset Mon 10-Feb-14 20:58:36

No need to kick yourself january - I left an abusive XH after years of abuse. He sucked me in and chipped away at my confidence.

You can do it smile I hope your WA call goes well flowers

Jux Mon 10-Feb-14 21:26:44

Yes, you are doing the right thing.
Yes it is time to make that call.

Well done. You are on the right road! Onward and upward.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now