Operation Freedom from Abuse

[januarycat]

1. He destroyed the confident, kickass woman that I had become after an abusive marriage.
   
2. I gave up hope of having the career I thought I could have after gaining a 2.1 degree while being a single parent.
   
3. He took away my voice, the ability to speak up, the ability to express how I felt.
   
4. He gradually eroded my savings while I quietly supported our family with my savings. While he kept quiet when people assumed he (the one without the dough) was the breadwinner.
   
5. He laughs at me, calls me names, tells me I'm stupid.
   
   And there is so much more.
   
   Leaving is a process. I've only just started that process. Weve been together for over 10 years (9 yrs, 11 mths too long).
   
   Im finding it difficult not telling him yet. I am quietly organising, getting advice, another sol appt nxt monday (had a few false starts - thought the first solicitor would be ideal as she specialised in dom abuse, but left her office more depressed than I went in).
   H is being arrogant, entitled, thinking he has got one over on me because he hasnt given me any money since mid december. He has bought some food for us but it is food HE thinks we should eat. While he hosts dinner parties at his flat.
   
   I need to know Im doing the right thing. Sometimes I feel like giving in to him & accepting that this is my lot. BUT a very small part of me wants to kick him on the balls.

[januarycat]

Eeek - didnt preview before posting

[Anniegetyourgun]

Hurray for you! Clearly the kickass woman is still in there even if she's been keeping quiet.

Maybe he laughs at you now, but she who laughs last laughs loudest.

[PaxmansGusset]

Well done OP. You are doing great.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Of course you're doing the right thing and I'm glad you're getting professional advice. Please don't give in, even if the process is challenging. If necessary, expedite things by calling on outside agencies e.g WA for refuge. The quicker you get him out of your environment, the quicker you'll recover.

[januarycat]

Thanks annie & paxman.
Im kicking myself because I didn't see through him sooner. He is the most manipulative person I have ever met.
Im selling things on ebay so I can pay basic bills. I dont want him to know that I am divorcing him yet, as there is a lot more to organise
It does grate though, when I hear about the steak & wine dinner parties he has while I have to tell the DCs to put a jumper on because I cant afford to heat the house

Yes, she who laughs last ...

[januarycat]

Cogito - thank you. I realise its now time I made that call to WA.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

It really is time to make that call. I know you are doing this carefully, dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's but the longer it drags on the greater the risk that your resolve will weaken. You can't live on E-Bay sales for long, put it that way.

[PaxmansGusset]

No need to kick yourself january - I left an abusive XH after years of abuse. He sucked me in and chipped away at my confidence.

You can do it :) I hope your WA call goes well

[Jux]

Yes, you are doing the right thing.
Yes it is time to make that call.

Well done. You are on the right road! Onward and upward.