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Update on my divorce Decree Absolute Countdown, but ex still a d**k. Why!

(11 Posts)
Moanranger Mon 10-Feb-14 17:17:34

I posted on here awhile last year when very STBXH ended our marriage. There is much good news for me: found a lovely new man, have a great lawyer, so divorce petition filed in late July, Decree Nisi issued in late Jan & I should be married no more by early March.
However, VSTBXH is far from settling financially. ( Won't bore with details, but wants money from me - I have a business) he is now using the industrial tribunal route. This really makes no sense, I hope it gets thrown out.
I spent a "joyous" weekend writing a Witness Statement. Much dirty laundry will be aired if it goes ahead & is not tossed out. He won't look good.
One of my guy friends says he thinks he is p'ed off because I am not suffering enough, & that is why he is harassing me financially.
As part of the employment tribunal, I made him a notional offer to settle (I knew he wouldn't, but wanted to show willing.) His response was I should pay him £30k into his pension -WTF? How about he pays £30k into mine?
Why are they like this?. Mine ran off with another woman, so he is not the injured party.
Any thoughts?

ShedWood Mon 10-Feb-14 17:24:47

He's selfish, be pleased you're shot of him.

In his mind he is the injured party as you dared to move on and have a successful life and relationship without him (how very dare you ;-))

I know it's hard now, but seriously fight as hard as you can for what you deserve, don't give up and let him have a penny more than he should.

A friend of mine handed over vast sums during her divorce in the name of ease, but is now still stuck with an awkward bugger to raise her child with who smugly swans around like he got one over on her (which he did) and she is now struggling financially too because of it.

Good luck, and hope you manage to get everything that is rightfully yours.

Moanranger Mon 10-Feb-14 17:33:14

Thanks, Shed. I will continue to fight, but it is wearing. It's just the nasty, vindictive mind-set and the vitriol directed at me through his lawyers.
He's changed lawyers - I have not, mines brilliant - the latest one seemed to suggest the industrial tribunal route, I think probably because she has a lot of experience with it.
Our hearing is scheduled for early April. I think he has these Walter Mitty fantasies of having his day in court. Who knows?

KingRollo Mon 10-Feb-14 17:37:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZenNudist Mon 10-Feb-14 17:41:38

Sounds like you're winning, by degrees, not letting the shitty hand life dealt you get you down.

What was his argument for getting £30k pension contribution from you?

Do you have dc?

Moanranger Mon 10-Feb-14 18:40:31

King, thanks so much for that - at least I am not alone. I guess it is male ego. He was such an old misery guts that I find I am actually much happier than when I was with him.

Zen, yes, I am just taking each claim as it comes, and not budging. I actually made him a reasonable financial offer which he turned down and came back with a completely ridiculous counter-offer. Now my objective is nada, nada, nada.
We had a limited company together but it was essentially me, and we made various pension contributions over the years, depending on cash flow/tax, etc. He has no contractual right to a pension, and there is no money now in company to pay one.( This due to huge financial malfeasance on his part & resultant back taxes & penalties. All documented & his role in it pretty clear.) It seems like wishful thinking on his part.

KingRollo Mon 10-Feb-14 18:43:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy Mon 10-Feb-14 18:58:38

Yes, didn't you get the memo?

You're supposed to be devastated, and live out the rest of your days, broken, as a nun.

I'm so glad you're happier now, sounds like you really deserve to be!

Danceintherain2014 Mon 10-Feb-14 19:05:28

Oh mines just the same! I have absolute and he's getting married again ( didn't even wait till absolute was through before getting engaged ) but is constantly having a go and refusing to cooperate with solicitor etc swapping weekends so he can go off with OW and refusing to help out when I need to change access! We also have to go to court as he's refused to appoint a solicitor throughout ( well he's read a website) so court want to ensure " I'm not taking advantage of him !!!" PMSL !!!!

He was always bad but has got worse since I got a job(which he has never acknowledged) And then met a new man ( who is NOTHING like him and as lovely as can be!!)

I agree with PP's it's the moving on and coping which they can't stand - I think he thought I'd crumble ( he told me many times during and post split I was a leech and lazy - despite the fact I kept him afloat for many years with my good career whilst he played at being Mr Big Shot ( and failing mostly leaving a string of debts)

Live your life well - you know you're strong ( as did I ) that's what really hacks them off!

TemperamentalAroundCorvids Mon 10-Feb-14 19:45:18

Two years ago, got to absolute (no pensions involved, DC grown) despite Ex dragging his feet at every opportunity. Only after spending a further 6 months under the same roof, as divorcees, did I finally see the back of him.

At the absolute point, we had got nowhere on the settlement, as he wouldn't supply financial info, and his offers were laughable. So I had to go the Family Court route, with a brilliant sol (Ex represented himself), and managed to get what I wanted - keeping this house - eventually.
So I am cheering you on from the sidelines, OP.

Moanranger Mon 10-Feb-14 20:21:52

Hissy, Dancer, Corvids, re-assuring to know I am not alone; there certainly seem to be a lot of dickheads around and I imagine you, like me, beat yourself up for having married them and then stayed with them. It is eye-opening, though, how they resent your happiness, even though they themselves have new partners.
Glad to hear you all have coped.
My DCs are 20 & 22, so no issues there.

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