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Am I the bad guy here? Sorry, really long post!

(4 Posts)
Calmdowncalmdown Mon 10-Feb-14 11:27:53

Back story is DP and I together a long time, 2 young DC, I am a SAHM although looking to return to work soon. When things are fine they're good but DP does have a short fuse and often vents any anger straight towards me (over silly things, he did rage at me once when I slightly overcooked his dinner). He can be quite rude and aggressive for example, I could be telling a story and he will roll his eyes midway and say something along the lines of 'has this story got a point to it?' and he often belittles me.

The latest problem we seem to be having is his video game playing. He would happily sit attached to his console for hours, which in turn makes him angry and aggressive to the point of swearing and shouting which I don't want around the children. I wouldn't mind him playing but just hate what it does to him. To cut a long story short he has recently started complaining that he is sick of being lumbered with the children at weekends, although I am always at home doing chores not out doing fun things I might add. He doesn't do anything at home which I don't mind since he does work full time, but I would expect him to help out with the children and would also expect him to want to spend time with them as he doesn't see them much mid-week. He doesn't want to do anything as a family but just wants to sit playing his games. It has got to the point where I feel on eggshells following the children around the house incase they disturb him for too long which is making me feel really down.

BTW he does play sport most weekends which sees him away from home for a good few hours. Apparently though this doesn't count as free time for him :-/ I asked him to talk last night as I would like to have my say but he dismissed the request. I feel like because I'm a sahm he has the power over me to do or say whatever he wants. I just don't know how we're going to move on. I feel like he's never going to be happy and I'm always going to lose the battle in trying to please him. Am I being unreasonable?

BitOutOfPractice Mon 10-Feb-14 11:31:44

He's a controlling bullyisn't he? And he's using money as part of his strategy (along with belitting and abuse and household drudgery) to keep you in your place

JoinTheDots Mon 10-Feb-14 11:33:26

You are not being unreasonable.

He does nothing around the house, practically no child care, makes you feel like you have to walk on egg shells, has fun hobbies at your expense, is aggressive and belittling.

I think you need to question what you are getting out of this relationship, and what messages your dynamic is teaching your children.

I have never ever said leave the bastard before, but seriously, I think you need to look at your relationship very carefully and decide if you want to live this way.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 10-Feb-14 11:36:12

What do you get out of this relationship now, what needs of yours are being met here by him exactly?.

I do not think that you and he should be together now; this is not working at all is it?. Its sounds like you've shacked yourself to a abusive, bullying and controlling manchild. He's no decent example to the children either let alone be at all nice to you.

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