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DD's christening - my extended family did not attend :-(

(14 Posts)
Sad51 Mon 10-Feb-14 07:09:36

Feeling sorry for myself sad. We invited family and friends on both sides. Only a few declined with lousy reasons, the others did not show on the day. I pretended to dh that it did not affect me but it did.

I felt so unimportant and sorry for dd who will grow up to realise that my aunts, uncles, cousins do not care for her.

I know it should not be tit for tat but I have always attended their birthday events and even their children's christenings.

If it were not for my good friends I would have had no guests.

JeanSeberg Mon 10-Feb-14 07:11:03

Are they normally supportive? What reasons were given?

DarlingGrace Mon 10-Feb-14 07:21:13

Travelling distance? Poor weather? Financial problems and expectation of presents? unable to afford 'posh' outfit? All gone agnostic over night?

Just your family or both sets, and how extended is extended? DM, DF, DB etc or aunts uncles and cousins?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 10-Feb-14 08:23:43

I can understand why you're upset but IME, unless you are all in and out of each other's lives regularly and unless you all live near each other, there is a gradual tailing off of the involvement of extended family over time. You'll end up with one or two that you have a close connection with but the rest will fall by the wayside. Most of my extended family are Facebook friends only. Not because I don't care about them but because they are far away and we have very little in common except a few strands of DNA

flowery Mon 10-Feb-14 08:31:31

Well, expecting involvement from her great aunts and second cousins may be a tad unrealistic as your DD grows up and I'm sure she won't be scarred by it.

But, if they RSVPd that they would attend and then didn't show up then that's extremely rude.

Only1scoop Mon 10-Feb-14 08:33:34

I've missed nieces and nephews christenings in the past....I'm still a good Auntie though. I was away working.... but could have changed that if it came to it.
When I know the parents never set foot in a church any other time only weddings/christenings it kind of makes me not make any huge efforts.
My friend is quite religious I went to her childs christening. My dd Christening....just me and dp....

I'm just weird I guess

I'm sure they still care.

Only1scoop Mon 10-Feb-14 08:35:11

Agree if they had RSVP'd then very rude not to let you know.

Joysmum Mon 10-Feb-14 08:37:42

Why aren't you being honest with your DH about this confused

Writerwannabe83 Mon 10-Feb-14 09:28:58

Is religion a big thing in your family? Something that is important to everyone? i.e you all go to Church on Sunday

If so, and people know how important a ceremony it is to you and tor beliefs and it is supposed to be something fundamental in their lives too then you are allowed to be upset.

If however, you are not church-goers and you aren't religious and you were getting your baby Christened 'just because' then I can see why people wouldn't bother.

Lets be honest, Christenings are very dull and meaningless to people who aren't religious. When my best friend had her daughter Christened 5 years ago I had no idea why seeing as they'd never been to Church a day in their lives....but of course we had to go, pretend it was something momentous and it was just silly really. They have since had a little boy and thankfully haven't mentioned getting him Christened.

Mine and DH's first baby is due in 6 weeks and for some mad reason my DH wants to get him Christened. Neither me or my husband are religious, we don't go to Church, don't have any beliefs etc so when I ask why he wants to get the baby Christened he just shrugs his shoulders and said, "it's what people do." hmm I said he can do it if he likes, he can pay for it but don't expect my family to be there - they would all absolutely HATE it grin

Sad51 Mon 10-Feb-14 09:45:07

We get along and live within an hour of each other. We meet up a few times a year.

I did not want to put a dampener on the day so chose to hide it from dh.

Yes, some RSVP'd and did not show. No phone call or text either.

Most of dh's extended family attended.

Yes we are religious but do not force it on them.

Only1scoop Mon 10-Feb-14 09:50:11

Op.... Your friends are probably more intune with your thoughts and beliefs than extended family.
They maybe realise how important your religious/spiritual beliefs are and wanted to support you all.
I'm sure they still care.

MostlyMama Mon 10-Feb-14 09:52:47

Why not? You've forced it on your kids.

Nanny0gg Mon 10-Feb-14 09:53:37

Even if you (as a guest) aren't religious, it won't kill you to sit through a service for an hour.

Afterwards, it's a lovely time to meet up with friends and family, meet/see the baby and have some nice food and drink as a get-together.

What's the problem?

OP - I'm sorry your family was so rude and thoughtless. Whatever the occasion, just not turning up is extremely bad-mannered.

Jess03 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:07:26

I think they're lame but we genuinely didn't care who came to dd's christening. I see it as between us, God and her godparents. You don't really want people who aren't supportive of the christening there. Celebrate the people that did come and don't let it tarnish a beautiful thing.

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