Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

side effect of mumsnet

(52 Posts)
Iamashambles69 Sun 09-Feb-14 23:06:21

I have been lurking for a couple of months, but tonight had altercation with dp and stood ground, calmly, but clearly not going to take any of his shite, after said altercation, have discovered I have grown a set! Now, had a set a long time ago, but don't know what to do with them now, what do you do with yours?

TemperamentalAroundCorvids Sun 09-Feb-14 23:59:03

You know, I always think it odd that women are told to grow a pair! Seems entirely the wrong metaphor...

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 10-Feb-14 06:04:32

If MN is making you feel and behave more assertively in your relationship I think that's terrific. For my part, the main effect I've noticed is that when friends describe various problems I can often relate them, Miss Marple-like, to something I've read here. So a learning experience.

RollerCola Mon 10-Feb-14 07:34:36

MN has also been an enormous help to me, by helping me to cope after separating from a very long marriage.

It also scares yet amazes me at just how many women live in fear of their partners, and how many completely anonymous women offer such wonderful help, advice and support to get them out and safe.

The bitching and harsh straight-talking on some threads makes me laugh sometimes, MN takes no prisoners so some should post at their peril. But the power of MN in times of crisis is truly amazing. On behalf of everyone in need I thank everyone who offers support. It is the best network of help I've ever seen.

MommyBird Mon 10-Feb-14 07:54:23

Its made me be alot more assertive.
Its made me feel alot more confident and i think its rubbed off on DH!
Its also made me realise "no" is a complete sentance, made me trust my gut instinct.

As a mum with PND with dd1. I was adament i wasnt going to be a walk over after dd2.

I wasnt and im happy. So thank you Mumsnet!

SilenceOfTheSAHMs Mon 10-Feb-14 07:56:05

Mumsnet has taught me about feminism. It counselled me through a violent relationship and introduced me to the concept of a "Red Flag".

As a result I see them everywhere. (not in my own relationship, thankfully)

It is a truly empowering site, whatever your problem, MN can advise.

RollerCola yes, I could cry at the amount of ladies (and sometimes men) living in violent, abusive, controlling relationships.

Viva Mumsnet!! thanks

handfulofcottonbuds Mon 10-Feb-14 08:06:25

MN helped me so much through my marriage breakdown, I only wish I had found it in the months leading up to discovering my H's affair as I felt so alone.

To know that other women understand how I felt was invaluable and got me through some dark times. It does break my heart when I read another person at the start of discovering the affair of their partner - they all do seem to follow a similar route of pain and deceit.

The support and good advice MNers provide is amazing.

Some of the random threads in chat make me laugh so much. There are some really funny people on MN grin

FanFuckingTastic Mon 10-Feb-14 08:11:21

Mumsnet has been amazing support while I left my ex and reported him to the police for domestic abuse. They've held my hand all the way, and I am learning absolutely loads of stuff about what abuse is and how they make you feel so that you don't want to take the appropriate action.

I'm about to go into a refuge and get a non-molestation order, both things I wouldn't have considered without the advice I get here.

akawisey Mon 10-Feb-14 08:43:35

I use my MN strength to look out for myself in both new and familiar situations. I often use phrases I've seen here when friends are going through tough times or when I can see the Red Flags which they haven't.

MN has helped me most when I needed to twat my now ex h to the wall when we divorced, post his last affair.

thanks MN.

TemperamentalAroundCorvids Mon 10-Feb-14 08:49:50

MN strength - YYY. Empowered me to leave a miserable abusive marriage. but not by giving me hairy globes between my legs - eeew

Lavenderhoney Mon 10-Feb-14 08:54:32

I have posted about my dh under this name and others long before I faced up to reality. Often the shock of reaction to something I had minimised made me stop posting.

For me, the advice was invaluable as clearly no one knew me and didn't have their own agenda - they just had opinions and I got a great deal of help and empathy which I would not have got from friends - too involved, tmi, and its a safe place to say what you think, not be the persona you show to friends and family.

I'm not explaining too well, but if you have been pretending for years its all fabulous, its very hard to say actually this is awful and I want to get out. Change isn't popular and rl people also find it harder to cut through and advise- they want to remain friends after all!

Saying " yes, I think your dh is a horrible man and what a fuck up, how are you going to get out?" Is quite hard in rl- Not on mn thoughsmile

CosyTeaBags Mon 10-Feb-14 08:55:38

I think some of the MN wisdom has rubbed off on me. I was trying to give advice to a friend in a particularly horrible relationship situation, and I felt much more balanced and able to give her some really reasonable advice which I'm sure I have learned on here. She probably wonders how I got so wise all of a sudden!

Still feel tempted to start a thread though to ask the MNers what else I can say to her, in case there's something I'm missing.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 10-Feb-14 09:00:21

MN rocks. That is all.

flowers for all the mnetters who helped me on my journey...either by writing directly on my thread or by me reading your words of wisdom.

I've said it before but thank goodness for a bunch of strangers on the Internet smile

Nuff respect to you all smile

Trills Mon 10-Feb-14 09:03:04

Well done smile

ScottishPies Mon 10-Feb-14 09:16:59

MN has helped me in so many ways.

When i thought i was going bonkers as my relationship collapsed around me i gained strength and insite from reading the posts of other women who had similar experiences.

Then, when we it was finally over and i was on my knees i came accross a link by one poster about Narcissistic behaviour and my world was literally changed in an instant. I still hurt but at least i undetstood what and why it had happened.

MN made me realise i am not a fool, it stopped me becoming a broken bitter women and is giving me hope. Its a shining light in the darkness.

LEMmingaround Mon 10-Feb-14 09:22:06

Its made me up my game, i now expect a full-on indian take-away, with wine for a BJ, rather than a big-mac smile

But seriously, it has made me stop and count to ten more - to see my DP for what he really is, and that is pretty darn wonderful, he has made mistakes but everything he does is for me and his family. It has made me stop when i start being self pitying and trying to blame DP and realise that he has supported me (through two breakdowns) when many men would have walked away. I am very lucky.

LEMmingaround Mon 10-Feb-14 13:04:36

sorry, didn't mean to kill the thread by saying something nice about my DP!

TemperamentalAroundCorvids Mon 10-Feb-14 13:54:19

Sounds like he doesn't need to grow a pair though! <not helpful in unkilling thread>

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 10-Feb-14 14:05:31

My pair are factory fitted iyswim, but MN has given me some excellent tips on how to be, if not a better husband, at least a less tiresome one.

Also penis beaker and lemon drizzle etc have whiled away many a dull hour, especially since b3ta turned into a twatfest.

PottedPlant Mon 10-Feb-14 14:18:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KissesBreakingWave Mon 10-Feb-14 14:31:18

Those of you looking for an ungendered alternative to growing a pair (and, let's face it, the most vulnerable point on the male anatomy is hardly a good metaphor for personal strength) might consider 'growing a spine' - rather old-fashioned, but richly deserves to be brought back. First step in summoning up one's courage is to stand up straight, shoulders back, for which a spine is essential.

As you were, carry on.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Mon 10-Feb-14 14:40:14

Temperamental - grow a pair of steel ovaries, perhaps? grin

LEMmingaround Mon 10-Feb-14 14:59:50

Developmentally, testicles are the sane as ovaries. They originate from the same set of cells and then differentiated at a particular stage of development. Ovaries stay put, testes fall out and dangle about in little bags so technically I guess it should be drop a pair.

LEMmingaround Mon 10-Feb-14 15:00:13


TemperamentalAroundCorvids Mon 10-Feb-14 15:35:19

kisses I knew there was an idiom that was less bollock-related (although I prefer 'grow a back-bone ). I have also been advised, and have advised in return, 'chin up, back straight, tits forward.' Then I served divorce papers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now