My OH has an extremely high libido. He would happily have sex every day, twice a day with a few knuckle shuffles thrown in for good measure.
I could quite happily never have sex again. It truly wouldn't bother me.
This difference in libidos is causing a problem. My OH will sit in his room for hours on eBay, barely spend ten minutes with me in 24 hours and then come in and ask if I'm up for it?
We have four kids, the oldest is 15, the youngest 10.
When I do capitulate, he lays back and asks me to be 'nice to him' his way of asking for a BJ. He always tries to get me to have anal sex and I just don't want that, thank you very much, but he never leaves it alone and constantly fiddles with my bum, saying I'd like it if I gave it a go.
I've tried telling him I'm not a porn star (he watches a lot of porn) and that those women have enemas and if he did it with me he'd get poo on him, but he just says he'll wear a condom.
When we do have sex he acts like he's in a porn film, and constantly asks if he can film close ups of our genitals doing it.
To be frank, I don't want to have sex with him anymore because of all these off putting sexual demands. He keeps trying to fist me and tells me if I just put up with a little pain he'll be successful and he gets all sulky and like a little boy when I tell him to stop, cos it hurts.
Physically, I don't find him attractive. He's got a big beer belly and cold flabby skin with wiry hairs and his breath is like sour meat at times.
I know, I'm moaning a lot, I know I'm not perfect either, but am I being unreasonable?
Normally I have to admit to being a bit at mismatched libido threads, but that's not even your problem. Your DH is a selfish prick who's been ruined by porn, knows fuck all about women and expects you to lie back and accept that. He seems totally unaware of the role that sex should play in a healthy relationship.
If he cares enough about you (not sex) to have any chance of sex with you again, I think he needs to go cold turkey on the porn, and give you a reason to want to be intimate with him. And by intimate, I mean even touch you. I'm so sorry - that sounds horrid and utterly disrespectful, you say no to fisting / anal, he shouldn't be pushing it. Is sex the only issue? I'm reluctant to even talk about working out the sex issue, because if there's more (he's sounds awful to you) then it's not a case of working on sex, but deciding if you want to continue the marriage at all.
I must admit I thought this was made up. But if it's not then op this is much much more than just mismatched sex drives. He sounds worse than my exh and he was bad enough. I would actually LTB rebuild your life without him. He sounds like he has an addiction to porn and has no respect for you at all.
He's always had a bigger sex drive than me. The experimenting is something that's happened in the last few years since we had kids. There are other issues in this relationship, he had an emotional affair - if not more, I couldn't prove it - with our nanny. He registered with an adult dating site.
I nearly left him for both of these, but he got on his hands and knees, crying and begging for me to give him another chance and that he would never hurt me again. He hasn't except for all these demands.
I hate confrontations, I hate arguing. I have tried for many years to make our marriage work, but he only talkes to me when he wants sex it seems.
I know this reads like a catalogue of disasters, but he's managed to make me feel like I'm the one being unreasonable and that I'm selfish, which is why I've kept all this to myself for so long and it was just an outpouring of everything.