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(17 Posts)
BitsinTatters Sun 09-Feb-14 18:16:31

My husband lies to me regularly about small things. He doesn't mention plans etc but some times I will ask him a direct question and he will lie and lie.

I call him on it & he usually either stone walls me or occasionally when I completely loose it tells me he's sorry.

Seriously what do I do?

TurnipCake Sun 09-Feb-14 18:19:09

Put words into actions, and the actions are: either tolerate it, or don't.

Does he stonewall you on other occasions? How are things between you otherwise?

BitsinTatters Sun 09-Feb-14 18:24:52

Yes he finds it hard to talk to me. He doesn't open up to me (or others)

I know I'm not a bundle of fun but he has no now doubting my own mind.

I will go from thinking everything is really good between us then something happens and i'm on the verge of leaving. I have left before. I packed and left for the weekend. It destroyed me because I love him and want us to work where as he didn't seem at all bothered at all. His emotions didn't flicker as I stood in front of him sobbing.

BitsinTatters Sun 09-Feb-14 18:25:26

*made me feel I doubt my own mind

TurnipCake Sun 09-Feb-14 18:28:28

Doesn't matter if you want it to work, it takes two people to care about a relationship and he clearly doesn't. Think about all the things you could be doing for yourself and learning, or the friends you could be spending time with if you weren't flogging yourself into the ground.

If you're sobbing in front of someone and they can't/won't register your distress, then something's very wrong.

BitsinTatters Sun 09-Feb-14 18:37:41

Yes I know it takes too. I have told him that he doesn't seem bothered. He says he is.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 09-Feb-14 18:55:39

Lying is an expression of disrespect. To lie to you he has to have no regard whatsoever for either your feelings or your intelligence. You are in the role of someone who it is safe to fool and mislead. That he doesn't appear to respond to you leaving, crying or getting angry about discovering another lie says he doesn't care about your reaction.

The big question is why do you keep going back for more punishment? Why do you describe yourself as 'not a bundle of fun?'

BitsinTatters Sun 09-Feb-14 19:00:36

Me Not being a bundle of fun - we have small children im tired and have had PND.

I love him. That's it really. I love him whole heartedly and wouldn't do any thing to make him sad. If I asked him to leave it would make him sad.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 09-Feb-14 19:16:10

If you're sick with PND and tired running around after children you're not contractually obliged to be a barrel of laughs at the same time hmm And why is it OK for him to make you sad with his lies and stonewalling but diddums has to be protected from the same?

I'm sorry you love him wholeheartedly because it's clearly not reciprocated. Your confidence and self-worth sound extremely low.

AnyFucker Sun 09-Feb-14 19:19:02

God, how fucking depressing

op, you are worth more than this

Show your children some better examples of a relationship if you don't think you can do it for yourself

AnyFucker Sun 09-Feb-14 19:20:12

"it would make him sad"

He doesn't give a shit that you are sad

DrCoconut Sun 09-Feb-14 19:24:14

I have caught my DH out today lying over something really serious. I have told him that I want to work things out but I am no fool and next time it happens I am leaving him. I mean it too. He now needs to make amends big time.

BitsinTatters Sun 09-Feb-14 20:47:02


Confidence is all time low. I'm currently drafting an email turning down a job I want because child care is too expensive. Which is not helping. I don't want to be a SAHM

AnyFucker Sun 09-Feb-14 20:51:06

I am sorry, love

My response was a bit knee-jerk. Not fair, really.

I wouldn't want to be a SAHM at the financial mercy of a prick like this either

RandomMess Sun 09-Feb-14 20:52:41

Would you be making a loss after childcare or just not very much?

If you don't want to be a SAHM then accept the job.

RandomMess Sun 09-Feb-14 20:53:58

Taking a job if you may end up splitting is essential really!

You both are entitled to work you need to split the childcare costs.

BitsinTatters Sun 09-Feb-14 20:57:51

Salary would just cover child care for 1 child (we have 3)

It will be easier to work when youngest is 2 so can go to pre school with the middle one. It would be a logistical nightmare with all 3 at different places and no family to help.

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