Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

SIL has just left and I can't stop crying (warning upseting)

(244 Posts)
helpcantstopcrying Sat 08-Feb-14 22:08:49

Namechanged for this
Okay so SIL (DHs older sister) has always been hard to get along with. She has 3 lovely DCs but she is very negative about them and went they were younger they pretty much lived at the PILs house. But she seems to think she is the greatest mum in the world and nobody can compete with her.
She was also best friends with DHs ex-wife who left DH with their 2 DCs and rarely sees the DCs now and changes her number frequently and doesn't tell us or just doesn't bother answering. We think SIL is still in contact with her but when we ask she just laughs and says she won't say either way.

Everything I do isn't good enough, anything the DCs do hers have done something better. Anything I do is wrong and ex-wife did it better. We have limited contact with her to just family occasions for PILs who agree that she can be bitchy but ask us all to be civil when we have to be together.

So tonight DH is in work and the DCs have gone to PILs for a sleepover. SIL appeared at the door sobbing asking to talk to DH. When I said he isn't in she said she wanted to come in anyway. She was in tears in the rain in just a t-shirt and jeans, I thought something awful must have happened so I let her in made her some tea and got some blankets for her.

So half an hour later she had stopped crying and had taken control of the tv gotten some chocolate out her bag and kept laughing if I tried to talk to her. I gave up and just sat there watching her watch the tv.

Then her program finished and she asked me were the DCs were I said PILs house and she spent ages ranting about me taking advantage of the PILs (the DCs stay over there every 6 months or so at their request) I just nodded and explained that the PILs had asked them to come over. She wouldn't listen and kept saying I was a crap mum and ex-wife wouldn't abandon the DCs like that.
In the end I snapped and pointed out that ex-wife had abandoned the DCs therefore I am a better mum than her.
SIL started shouting that I was a witch who had made her brother into a crap dad. I said we were both good parents and she needed to leave now.

She ran into the dining room to the locked glass cupboard were my dad's ashes and some of his things are kept. The glass cupboard was built specially to store my dad's things away from the DCs because in his will he asked to be 'let go' on a certain day in the summer. He died in November so obviously this day hasn't been yet.
Anyway she smashed the cupboard with a small statue on my windowsill before I could catch her I grabbed her and I was begging her to just go. She hit me repeatedly in the face and in the end I let go she got into the cupboard and she chucked my dad's things everywhere and spat inside the jar holding my dad's ashes.

I am not proud of this but I lost it and I dragged her by her hair out of my house and chucked her out of the door telling her I hoped she died because no-one would care. She said that she prefered ex-wife to me I would never compare and everyone would be happier if I just killed myself.

I have closed the door she has gone and I have called DH and told him he has to come home but I haven't told him why.
The worst part is I have let my poor dad down and I can never make it right, some of his things are broken beyond repair and I must be the worst daughter in the world.

helpcantstopcrying Sat 08-Feb-14 22:10:06

Sorry that all sounds ridiculous I swear I am not a troll, I am a regular poster in a complete state.

MaitlandGirl Sat 08-Feb-14 22:12:51

What a complete bitch - please call the police, I know she's 'family' but you can't let this go.

I do hope your husband is home soon and you haven't let your dad down.

GozerTheGozerian Sat 08-Feb-14 22:12:55

Jesus what an awful awful woman. Have you called the police?

antiabz Sat 08-Feb-14 22:13:27

You should call the police!

What an utter bitch, she sounds unhinged!

AuditAngel Sat 08-Feb-14 22:13:33

Why would you feel you have let your dad down? I think you showed a lot of restraint. I would have hauled her out a lot sooner.

I'm sure DH will support you.

She sounds unhinged.

ChuffMuffin Sat 08-Feb-14 22:13:39

Oh my love, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I didn't want to read and run and I will hold your hand until someone far wiser than me comes along. Is your DH on the way home? You haven't let your dad down at all, please don't think that because it's absolutely not true. I also think you should call the police, as SIL has assaulted you and damaged your possessions.

cece Sat 08-Feb-14 22:13:45

I agree call the police. She sounds deranged. Had she been taking drugs or drinking?

LtEveDallas Sat 08-Feb-14 22:14:18

Fucking hell. How long till your DH gets home? Call the police, she assaulted you and has damaged your belongings. Call the police NOW.

hearthwitch Sat 08-Feb-14 22:14:35

oh sweetie you haven't let your dad down. you did all u could. something is wrong with ur sil and she shouldn't have taken it out on you.

GingerRodgers Sat 08-Feb-14 22:14:48

Please call the police.
Are you ok op?

fanoftheinvisibleman Sat 08-Feb-14 22:14:51

Oh my god poor you sad I hope you DH gets there soon.

I don't know what to say to you. But I can say that what happened to your dads things is not your fault though I know it won't stop the hurt.

I would seriously think about reporting her to the police too sad.

Hope you have someone with you very soon.

yolothankgod Sat 08-Feb-14 22:15:18

shock id of done more than drag her out by her hair what a vile woman she is .

I have no idea what to say but do not have any contact with her at all ever again , In fact I'd ring the police and tell them what has happened , if you haven't cleared up yet take a few photos for the police wine

expatinscotland Sat 08-Feb-14 22:15:53

Call the police. NOW.

Take photos and vid clips of the damage.

If I were your husband, I would prosecute her to the ends of the law and never have a thing to do with her again.

Vile bitch. You have NOT let your father down.

helpcantstopcrying Sat 08-Feb-14 22:16:09

I can't call the police, what about her kids. She is still their mother.

neolara Sat 08-Feb-14 22:16:23

Blimey. I'm sorry you had to deal with her. She sounds an utter nightmare and you must be very shaken up.

You haven't let your dad down and you aren't the worse daughter in the world. If your dad could read what you have just written, do you honestly think he would feel that you had let him down? Or do you think he would want to give you a massive hug and make his girl feel better after the horrible thing that happened to her?

I think you should probably go to the police. I know you said you dragged her by the hair, but if she hit you repeatedly in the face, I imagine you could reasonably say you were acting in self defense.

GinSoakedMisery Sat 08-Feb-14 22:16:48

Please call the police. She attacked you and broke your property.

Call your DH and ask him to come home.

So sorry this has happened to you flowers

LtEveDallas Sat 08-Feb-14 22:17:03

What about the kids? If she is doing that to you what is she doing to them? She sounds deranged or on drugs. CALL THE POLICE.

MaxsMummy2012 Sat 08-Feb-14 22:17:04

You haven't let your dad down, your sil is an evil witch and what she has done is disgraceful. It was also completely out of your control and you musn't blame yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss and what has happened to you tonight. X

kilmuir Sat 08-Feb-14 22:17:11

Gosh, you need to tell the police, what a horrible woman.
You have been too tolerant of her because she is 'family'. Be strong, never let her in your home again.
You have not let your DAd down, he would understand.x

Damnautocorrect Sat 08-Feb-14 22:17:55

Honestly, you've not let your dad down. Please try not to let her tarnish him and your special day in the summer.
The horrible horrible woman.

Quinteszilla Sat 08-Feb-14 22:18:47

You have to call the police.

You would be doing her kids a favour. Honestly.

LadybirdSpots Sat 08-Feb-14 22:19:08

Oh my gosh that's awful, I hope your DH is with you now.
Please don't feel that you have let your dad down, I'm sure he would be very proud of you for standing up for yourself & your family.
Pleas do call the police, even if, like others have said there is something wrong with your SIL, she can't be allowed to get away with this.

Quinteszilla Sat 08-Feb-14 22:19:24

Why do you and everybody else keep putting her first?

Put yourself first.

ohfourfoxache Sat 08-Feb-14 22:19:43

Police. Seriously. Her kids will be fine - actually, they may well be better off without her

<offers wine >

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: