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If you're separated and you both work full time. What arrangements have you made regarding the DC's?

(9 Posts)
solveproblem Sat 08-Feb-14 15:29:22

I can't live with my DH anymore, lots of issues (mainly that he is incredibly lazy and married to his xbox) and I can't take it anymore.

I've got some questions regarding divorce/separation and I'm hoping somebody can help.

1. We both work full time so neither of us is the SAH parent, how is it decided where they live if we can't agree? I'd rather have them with me during the weeks and at their dad's every other weekend however I've got a feeling he won't agree to this. It would probably have to be every other full week but I would miss them sooo much! How have you solved this? And who pays for childcare? Do you pay for the weeks you've got the kids or does one parent pay for all the childcare?

2. Do we really have to agree on why we are divorcing. If we can't agree on anything now we're not going to be able to agree on this either. And is it a good enough reason that he is always on the Xbox and won't do any housework?

3. He is currently receiving the child benefit for both DC's. Can I make him share this if we divorce? Will my eligibility to tax credits or housing benefits ( which I will need if we divorce) be affected by me not receiving CB?

4. We don't have any money so neither of us will be able to get anywhere else to rent. Would we get help from the council or will we have to stay living together until one of us has got enough for a deposit?

I realise I might come across a bit entitled but I really can't live with him anymore and I couldn't afford to be on my own with the dcs without help from benefits.

Cabrinha Sat 08-Feb-14 16:37:22

Not sure about 3 & 4 - CAB will help though. I do know you can claim for one child each, doesn't have to be all one parent - but don't the implications.

For 2: you can apply after 2 years separation if you like, so you're not having to give a reason. But "too much time on Xbox" and "w

Cabrinha Sat 08-Feb-14 16:37:55

Posted too soon!

Cabrinha Sat 08-Feb-14 16:39:58

"doesn't do housework" sound like classic Unreasonable Behaviour grounds. Bear in mind you're often advised to go for really mundane things to avoid big upset. So people who've been cheated on use "too much xbox" too. Unreasonable Behaviour is a catch all, don't worry about grounds - one chat to a solicitor and you'll have your examples!

Isbn999 Sat 08-Feb-14 16:50:18

I hear that people find SMTW/ TFS/ SMT / WTFS / SMTW

Works well for parents who both work full time. It means that dad doesn't get to be fun dad, cos he only does the fun weekend stuff, and never does the school run/ swimming lessons/ homework/ school night stuff.

You will find a few different patterns discussed in the lone parents section.

If you are getting tax credit and doing 50% each, then you can claim for all the benefits for one child and him for the other. Then you pay all childcare costs for one child, and he for the other. I am assuming you have 2 kids as you don't say. Obviously if you have an odd number it'll be more difficult to work out.

You need to get specific housing advice, and I would suggest going to see shelter as they will be able to explain the ins and outs of it better than CAB.

Good luck

solveproblem Sat 08-Feb-14 17:21:32

Thank you very much for your replies. I feel a little wiser now. thanks

Freedom2014 Sat 08-Feb-14 19:12:09

Hi solve problem, I am in the same boat as you. We are working it a week about with DD changing over on Saturdays at a time when it suits her, but with flexibility. For example he had to work this weekend and she was due to start her week with him today, so I had her all day and dropped her off just before he got home from work, and tomorrow when he's working ill pick her up and do the same, dropping her back for when he gets home. She's almost a teenager so it's easier to leave her for a few hours if necessary. We don't get any tax credits, and since splitting she will be paid the child benefit into her account for all her clothes/social things/phone bill. As we are a week about we aren't paying each other any money, and go halfs on anything expensive, ie enrichment week camp.
She has clothes and cosmetics at both houses but always has the option of taking stuff to his or mine for the week.
Re the divorce, there's some really good advice on here (I'm not there yet) but "unreasonable" appears to be what the individual considers it to be, NOT the judge or court!

Beamur Sat 08-Feb-14 19:21:19

When DP and his ex separated, they had 50:50 childcare. When the DC's were younger it sort of split midweek and every other w/e, as they got older (teens) It went to full weeks swapping between houses on sundays.
After school care was often clubs, the cost of which was borne by the parent who should have had them that day. DPs ex has been v reasonable and flexible, but DP has stepped up, been a good Dad and not taken advantage.

nooka Sat 08-Feb-14 19:37:34

dh and I separated in similar circumstances and we did a split week with each of us paying for the share of childcare etc that came with our days. We didn't divorce, just separated and were planning on divorce after two years of separation (no grounds required so much simpler).

Can't help on 3 and 4 as they weren't an issue for us.

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