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Anyone else dh do this?

(28 Posts)
louloutheshamed Sat 08-Feb-14 11:22:15

Ok so my dh is generally brilliant round the house re division of labour etc, cooks dinner every night, sticks a wash on as needed etc...

However, I have noticed that sometimes when we are both in, like this morning, he will take himself off to do a job, and I am left in charge of the children (3yo and 5mo). If I have domestic job to do though I have to do it in between bf the baby and the 3yo grappling at my legs asking me to read stories, play choo choos etc.

This morning dh cleaned out the fish tank and descaled the iron, but it was clear that he was not to be disturbed during this task, whereas I am trying to get ready, and er the children ready and sort laundry etc at the same time.

So this morning i have told him I am going to iron for 45 mins and he will have to entertain dcs.

I think sometimes he uses or even invents 'jobs' to get out of playing with dcs, and sometimes I've said I'm going to have to iron or Hoover or something and he's said 'oh just leave it' but actually it does need doing and he's trying to put me off because he knows he will have to watch dcs??

Whereas his jobs are always very important and can't be put off .....

Logg1e Sat 08-Feb-14 11:46:52

My sister-in-law's husband does this.

My partner does not.

petalsandstars Sat 08-Feb-14 12:38:23

My DH does this or I say I need to do something like hoover and he then goes to do it instead. Its crap. Leaving me with th toddler and baby.

He won't get the reality of 2DCs until I go back to work from ml.

It was the same with the first one. And unfortunately as I am bf I can't just disappear for the day and night. I do tell him though, frequently. And don't let him get away with it anymore.

He is alright so long as I am very specific - pedantic and knows it. But I call him on that too.

DarlingGrace Sat 08-Feb-14 12:50:34

I do that. Im female!

Logg1e Sat 08-Feb-14 12:53:17

petal, My DH does this or I say I need to do something like hoover and he then goes to do it instead. Its crap.

Why don't you say, "thanks for offering, but I'd rather do the hoovering. I need the break and the physical exercise will warm up after being sat here for half an hour"?

Jbck Sat 08-Feb-14 12:57:57

Yes, DH thinks he's helping by offering to do the shopping when I really just want the 30 minutes outside of the house on my own.

Not as bad nowmy youngest is 6 but used to drive me daft.

maggiemight Sat 08-Feb-14 13:08:28


Can't believe it's taken until your DC1 is 3 to realize this.

Thumbwitch Sat 08-Feb-14 13:11:42

Yes, to some extent. Dh has his own agenda and schedule, but I don't accept his "I can't be disturbed because I'm doing x" shit, and just hand over the children to him, so he can't get away with it.

Even when he pisses off to bed early, if I need to do something without being hampered by DS2, I'll just park him on DH while I do it, regardless of any screaming. grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 08-Feb-14 13:13:22

I can see that some jobs are better - and faster - done without children under your feet, fish tank cleaning being one of them. If one of you is playing with the children, one of you can do whatever job needs doing and then swap over, no? It works for us.

petalsandstars Sat 08-Feb-14 14:20:16

Logg1e I do. He forgets

It will resolve when I'm working again. For now despite how many times he is told he forgets what it's like to be the main carer for babies and toddlers.

petalsandstars Sat 08-Feb-14 14:21:33

I also get the guilt trip of "sounds like you don't want to be with the children" which makes me mad!

ateddybearfromdelaware1 Sat 08-Feb-14 14:26:06

Yes. My partner loaded the dishwasher this morning and shut the door so ds was with me. It took him literally 30 mins to load the dishwasher confused

He's now buggered off upstairs to watch the football so that's another 2+ hours alone.

Logg1e Sat 08-Feb-14 15:30:08

How can he forget petal? You say, "I'm going to hoover upstairs now, you've got the kids".

JoinYourPlayfellows Sat 08-Feb-14 15:36:14

My DH does this too.

Or at least he used to.

I got wise to it.

Now on weekend mornings when there are jobs to be done we work out who is doing what and which one of us is supervising the children.

Only the youngest (1.5) really needs to be watched all the time now so it's not too bad.

He does still have a tendency to just start doing jobs and ignore everything else around, but he's been like that as long as I've known him, so it's not just a response to wanting to get away from children grin

For him at least. I'm far keener than I used to be to hoover the house from top to bottom now that it means he has to deal with the squabbling grin

JoinYourPlayfellows Sat 08-Feb-14 15:38:26

I also get the guilt trip of "sounds like you don't want to be with the children" which makes me mad!

He can only guilt trip you with that if you don't say "you're quite right, I don't, your turn."

Also say, "yeah, I want the ENORMOUS luxury of starting a job knowing I can finish it. Your contribution to that is keeping the things that usually stop me out of my way for a couple of hours."

Mrswellyboot Sat 08-Feb-14 15:59:16

I think you just need to spell it out to him until he gets the message. So do what you did this morning every single time. Say , I am off to hoover now and i'll do it quicker if I am left to it, will you take care of dc's, thanks

If he says leave it, say no actually I have a lot of other jobs this week xyz, so I need to get it done. I think it's not fist to have all housework and dc minding.

I often say I'm off to the supermarket when dh comes home as otherwise he will go upstairs, take on jobs, make a few phonecalls and the evening is gone and I haven't even got to the toilet in peace the whole day.

Kitttty Sat 08-Feb-14 17:17:30

Mine does this under the guise of taking the boys to sport, staying and watching every game even if they are on the bench...two boys, fixtures at different times in different directions. He gets to shout and have fun on the side lines with his mates - whilst I am at home doing all the chores and looking after the younger 2 girls....this goes on most of Sunday. Then they all come back knackered and cold and have long baths and need to relax on the sofa with the papers.

Now he devolves responsibility for his mother to me. After months of me nagging him to get her to see a GP with him present as she has increasing complex health issues and is getting confused - she had an appt for this morning.....One of the boys had a hockey fixture miles I was asked to do the MIL Dr appt and he buggered off to hockey. MIL then wanted me to take her shopping but I had to get back to take girls to gym.....husband returns with son one to swap for son two has a footie fixture at the other end of the county....I insisted that I do this and he took his mother shopping. It was like pulling teeth...

When they were younger he always used to prioritise the cinema - always taking them to a film - I wouldn't go as there was too many chores to do....then it was some crappy meal out and he thought he was father/husband of the year. If he ever cooked for them V rarely - the kitchen would be a bomb site and because he had scrambled an egg - it would be my job to clear up after him.

Logg1e Sat 08-Feb-14 17:41:53

Are you satisfied with things being like that kitttty?

bellablot Sat 08-Feb-14 17:45:48

Are we married to the same man? Does he demand not to be disturbed whilst cooking dinner then watches the potatoes boing??? shock I empathise, however you have to learn to live with it, could be worse!

ZenNudist Sat 08-Feb-14 17:50:26

A dh who does jobs you say? What is this creature you speak of?

And where do I get one?grin

Logg1e Sat 08-Feb-14 18:05:10

Ok, this a wind-up smile

rainbowsmiles Sat 08-Feb-14 18:40:44

I confess we are both a little like this. Busy lives trying to squeeze in a little bit of space for me while looking busy. Not admirable but yeah we both do it. Hahaha although we draw attention to each other doing it and its a bit of an ongoing joke. His winning move is lighting the bbq. Has to keep watch for safety reasons while having a refreshing beer of course, while I prepare food and keep kids inside. Wry admiring smile when I spotted that one.

clockwatching77 Sat 08-Feb-14 19:59:32

My (d) h thinks I sit on my arse all day whilst he is out earning a living. I swear it is partly for this reason. If he is looking after dc he does just that. No jobs get done. If he does Job or plays on xbox etc I am the one watching toddler or worse he gets older 2 to watch her if I am not around.
Whereas I should be able to load dishwasher and stop dd from emptying cupboards fridge etc and keep house tidy. O and laundry for 5 clearly gets done by a laundry fairy.

Kitttty Sat 08-Feb-14 22:26:42

Logg1e -- no I am not.

BeeInYourBonnet Sat 08-Feb-14 22:29:46

I do this all the time!

'I'm off to make tea, enjoy bathing the DCs' <sprints for kitchen>

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